Theory of a Wolfman
by Egratia
Summary: Bella slept with Jake and then mercilessly left to marry Edward. Ten years later her marriage failed, but she's a successful journalist. She wants to write a story about her once best friend and his very successful rock band. And she needs her friend. Can Bella remind Jake of his promise to love her forever? (Story is based on lyrics written by the band, Theory of a Dead Man.) AHAU
1. Ch 1: Head Above Water

**Back story: I had a very hard spring. An attack on me professionally left me feeling very alone and unsure of myself and I had two major outlets: writing and music. I discovered the band Theory of a Dead Man and their clever lyrics (from their album Savages) spoke directly to me during my struggles. Their other albums are also cleverly written and many of their songs just made me laugh out right. I feel a kinship with these men.  
**

 **I listened to them so much that, while thinking of my unfinished stories, a new story developed in my mind based on their lyrics. I couldn't help it. And it got so bad that I created an outline, ages for each character, a tour schedule, and even a prequel. I hope you love it as much as I loved developing it.**

 **If you haven't listened to any of their songs, I will try to link you to their youtube page so you can have an idea how it's going to fit into the story.**

 **This first chapter is not specifically linked to any song, but here's a link if you want to get a head start. You know how FF loves links (NOT!) so this is what follows the initial youtube prefix:  
**

 **[slash] channel [slash] UCcFUPGt_tgcP5iMxiBDsXoA**

 **I love these guys and I have since met them (VIP tickets at one of their concerts in October).**

 **(Life has righted itself since then, btw.)**

 **Let me know what you think...**

 ***squeals loudly and claps***

* * *

Bella stared at her computer screen not quite knowing what to think of the message. She wanted to write the article, but the terms for access were strange to say the least. They wanted her to travel with them for two weeks while the band toured and she wasn't even granted access to the band members during that time. It was shit.

Bella Cullen was a nationally recognized journalist who was successful enough to basically choose for whom she wrote. Most celebrities wanted her to pen an up close and personal piece because her style and reach crossed cultural lines and expanded her subjects' sphere of influence. She'd offered to do a piece on Theory of a Wolfman.

It was true that the band sold out huge arenas in cities across the country and teenagers everywhere were caught humming their tunes. Most kids didn't actually sing the lyrics in front of their parents because their profanity filled songs would make most mothers frown. But Bella was sure that the band would want a chance to explain the origins of their music and songs and possible provide a way to open a dialogue between the generations.

Yes, that's what she wanted to do. Provide an avenue in order to open discourse and help parents understand why kids and young adults were drawn to the crude and misogynistic lyrics of this particular brand of contemporary hard rock. Yes. That was her goal. She should write that back the publicist who'd communicated directly with Bella instead of going through her agent.

Bella was perplexed by the message blinking at her from her screen. Who was this Carli Mason and why did she think Bella would have to spend two weeks on the road with them in order to write a good piece?

 _Mrs. Cullen,_

 _On behalf of the members of Theory of Wolfman, I would like to extend an invitation to accompany the band for a period of two weeks while on tour this summer. I will be available to you to answer any questions you have about the history of the band and approved information about individual band members. There may even be opportunities for individual interviews depending on tour and personal schedules._

 _Attached you will find our standard legal contract as well as our non-disclosure agreement. Please review these documents and contact me if you have any questions about any items or stipulations. I have also attached the summer tour schedule and an agenda of what a typical day on tour looks like. Please peruse this information and let me know if you are interested and which dates look best for you. I will do my best to clear or accommodate my schedule so that I can be as helpful as I can to you._

 _I hope you don't think me presumptuous, but I find it much easier, and faster, to communicate directly with you instead of through my agency and your agent. Of course I expect that your representatives will review the legal attachments, but coordinating dates and travel plans will be much easier if done directly between you and me._

 _I am familiar with your work Mrs. Cullen, and I look forward to meeting with you and developing a professional relationship with you._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Carli Mason  
Senior Publicist  
Theory Of A Wolfman_

Bella struggled with how to let this woman know that she really only needed about a three hour block of time. And Bella was sure that once the band members knew who wanted the interview, she was confident that she would be granted her request. Bella clicked on the reply button and typed an impersonal response explaining that she, Bella, was already well acquainted with the band members as she had grown up with them in small Washington town. She gave personal information about the lead singer, Paul and drummer Quil. Bella elaborated on a funny anecdote about Embry, their bassist, and finally explained that Jacob, the guitarist, was her best friend all throughout high school. Surely the band could give a block of time for an old friend.

Bella clicked send without even proofreading the message. She was irritated that this Carli woman thought she could control her access to the boys with whom she'd spent her entire childhood. She guessed that she should have at least opened the contract and schedule and looked at it, but she was too annoyed with the whole proposal.

Bella picked up her phone and called Alice. Bella may no longer be married to her brother, but Alice was still the best agent west of the Rocky Mountains.

"Bellllla!" Alice sang. "It's so good to hear from you! Are things all set for your summer tour with TOAW?"

"With who?" Bella asked. She actually realized that Alice was making an acronym, but Bella was tired of the culture that shortened everything. She thought it actually lessened the meaning and significance of too many important things.

"Jake's band, silly! Their publicist said she was going to email you directly," Alice said.

"Oh, yeah. She did. What's this about a two week tour? Honestly, I only need a few hours, Alice. Can't you do something?" Bella whined.

"Don't you think it'll be exciting? You're not doing anything major this summer. Nothing that can't be done remotely from your laptop. Go and party with the band!" Alice said. "I wish I could come with you. I love their stuff!"

"Alice," Bella interrupted, "their publicist won't guarantee me access to the guys. She stated it 'might be possible if band and personal schedules permit.' Like I haven't known these guys my whole life. I don't want to go through her Alice. Can't you just get me Jake's number?" Bella's computer sounded, indicating she'd received an email and Bella glanced over at it.

"Well, I tried. I thought it'd be pretty easy to track down Billy's phone number and get it that way, but the number they had when you were young has been changed and now it's all unlisted. Have you checked with your dad? Don't he and Billy still hang out?"

The email was from that Carli woman. Bella clicked it open. "Yeah, they do, but I haven't really talked to Charlie in a while and I really don't want to call him just to find out a phone number," Bella said while she waited for the message to load.

"Bella," Alice chastised, "you told me you were going to call him for Father's Day!"

"I did call him. And I left a message. He must have been out fishing," she said distractedly. The message was short. Bella read it while Alice droned on about the importance of family and keeping in touch with them.

 _Mrs. Cullen,_

 _Jacob and the other band members are aware of who you are and what you desire. The terms of the contract were drafted by them. If you find the terms unacceptable, perhaps you can write your article unassisted by the band. But the members of the band are also aware that will limit the scope of your piece and compromise the quality of the work that you usually produce. This extraordinary opportunity has been offered to you because of your previous friendship with the members of the band. We sincerely hope you consider and accept the offer. I have forwarded the attachments to your agent, Alice Cullen Hale._

 _Please let us know at your earliest possible convenience._

 _Again,_

 _Carli Mason_

"Bella, are you even listening to me?" Alice asked. "Hello?"

"Yeah, I'm here. I just got a message back from Carli Mason. I can't believe this shit! Alice, you are cc'd in all these messages."

"I know," Alice sighed. "I read them. Did you even look at the tour schedule? They work hard and they're quite busy."

"Alice," Bella tried again.

"Bella, you need to go," Alice's voice was soft, but serious. "You need to clear the air with him. It's hindering the rest of your life and it's affecting your writing. Go on tour with them for two weeks. Realign your chi." Bella rolled her eyes. Alice's new obsession was yoga and she was always rambling about chi and chakras.

"Alice, I just want to ask them about their lyrics. I know their life stories. I don't need two weeks," Bella protested.

"Bella, it's been ten years since you saw any of them. The last time you saw Jake he was working part time as a mechanic on an Indian reservation. A lot happens in a decade. Aren't you proof?" Alice asked.

That took the wind out of Bella's sails. The last time she saw Jake she was a mousy clutz from a Podunk town in Washington. She'd run off to the big city to make something of herself. She married the boy who unlocked the world for her and then finally divorced him when he wouldn't let her go out into it. Now Bella was a self-made, confident, successful journalist who was respected around the world. She could spend two weeks with her hometown buddies of old couldn't she?

"Fine," Bella finally agreed. "You look over the contract and make sure I'm not getting screwed and I'll look at the schedule and let this Carli person know what best suits me."

"Yaaaaay!" Alice cheered and Bella heard her clapping in the background. "I just know this is going to be your best piece ever! This is really going to open your world, Bella. I can just feel it!"

Bella wasn't so sure. When she first dreamed up the project and had Alice's agency contact the band's publicist, Bella expected that Jake would contact her personally.

He hadn't forgiven her.

But she had an invitation. She decided that two weeks would be good. He'd always told her he'd wait for her.

"You're right, Alice," Bella said, cutting Alice's summation of the contract and the terms, "I need this. I think Jake needs this, too."

"Bella?" Alice asked.

"Yeah, Al?" Bella had opened the schedule Ms. Mason sent.

"Have you listened to all their songs?" Bella was comparing her calendar with the schedule. She was trying to decide which cities would be the interesting to visit.

"Ummm, no. Not all of them. I was concentrating on _The Bitch Came Back, Bad Girlfriend_ , and _I Hate My Life_. Why?" Bella decided that late July looked good. She'd done her research on these songs and other songs in the genre of their ilk.

"You may want to listen to the songs on all four albums and look closely at the lyrics," Alice prodded.

"Sure, sure, Alice. I will before I get there. I'll write Ms. Mason back," Bella sneered the name, "and tell her which dates look best pending the signed contracts."

"Okay," Alice chirped. "I'm glad you're going to do this. It's going to be good."

Bella hoped. Her life had been so dark for so long. She needed Jake in her life again. This was the first step. She guessed she'd have to do it on his terms.

* * *

 **Thoughts?**


	2. Ch 2: Since You've Been Gone

"Embry! Shut the fuck up!" Sam bellowed, swaying a little from the motion of the bus. "Let her finish what she needs to say and then you can get your whiny ass back to bed." Meetings went a lot smoother with Sam acting as Parliamentarian. Ness could handle the guys just fine, but Sam had a shorter fuse and he kept things rolling.

"Thank you, Sam," Ness smiled. "Which brings me to you, Em. Do you think you and Seth can quit skirt chasing for just a few more weeks? Please? This has been the easiest tour to date. Can we keep it that way?" She looked at the two of them sitting on the couch of their rolling hotel, shirtless and in boxer briefs. Ness was glad they'd at least pulled those on before the emerged from the back of the bus.

"A rock and roll tour with no sex?" Seth asked. "That's, like, sacrilege." Ness shook her head at him having a hard time believing that smiley, dimpled Seth was such a dirty horn-dog. She'd known him since he was eighteen and Reporters hadn't picked up on his kinky side yet. Probably because he wasn't featured on stage. Seth's job was to keep all the instruments in working order. And he was good. Damn good.

"Fine. Get laid. I've got no problem with that," Ness said. "But can you do it in separate places and with one girl each? It makes my job a lot easier."

"We made sure they were old enough," Embry said defensively. "And, that was like, three weeks ago! Never fuckin' good enough for her is it?" he mumbled under his breath. That earned him a cuff on the back of the head from Jake. Embry glowered back at Jake but knew better than to do anything back.

"Yes, they were legal. But the two angry fathers I had to placate this morning still didn't like the fact that their legal but precious baby girls basically had an orgy on a band bus," Ness clarified. Paul snorted at that.

"What are you laughing at?" Ness asked turning an amused smirk his way. "Don't even get me started on you. Which reminds me, have you ordered Rachel flowers yet?" Paul looked smug.

"Yes." He smirked back up at her. "And why do you care so much that I appease my wife after she thinks I've offended her?"

"Because I owe her my sanity and I will do almost anything to secure the leash that woman has around your neck. Seth and Embry are cake walks compared to the fallout I had to navigate with you. If you stay married to her, I will pay for your kids' college," Ness declared. Drugged out man-whore didn't even begin to describe Paul in his heyday. "I've already opened a savings account."

"Touché," Paul said. Ness never understood the craze surrounding lead singers. Girls would do _anything_ to be used and almost abused by the lead singer of a popular band. Paul was the worst until he hooked up with Jake's sister, who somehow just stole his heart and he clipped his own wings.

"And Paul, your new herbalist is also an acupuncturist. He says he can help you with your throat and to lay of the effing ice cream," Ness said. "But you know your assistant can take care of that, right?" Maybe she could get Alan to buy Paul some T-shirts that weren't black. And maybe just a size bigger. For Rachel's sanity and the thousands of other girls' disappointment.

"Yeah, shit," he said wiping his face. "I forget I have him. You just do such great work, Ness." He winked at her trying to placate her. Alan was supposed to schedule appointments and take care of odds and ends

"How could you forget?" Quil croaked. He'd nodded off and jolted back awake. Ness figured he was up late on the phone with his better half back in La Push. "That's Claire's brother?"

"Yeah, and he doesn't like a faggoty-assed dweeb following him around all the fuckin' time," Seth said, shifting in his chair. "We've decided that Alan is in love with Paul and only signed on as his assistant so he could wash Paul's underwear."

"Don't wear any," Paul declared, completely unfazed. Ness thought maybe she could correct that problem herself for all kinds of reasons.

"He is not gay!" Quil shrieked. To that everyone, including Ness, laughed.

"He _so_ is," Ness said. "Which brings me to you, Quil," she said effectively cutting off his further protests. "I've got the tickets and VIP passes for Claire and her friends taken care of, but they're not sitting in the VIP section _during_ the show."

"What? Why?" Quil spluttered. Quil'd been working really hard to get into shape so he could be all ripped by the time he got home to his girlfriend. He'd always been a little pudgy, which made him a little shy. Out of all the places the band had traveled over the years, Quil found his true love and finally lost his virginity back at home on the rez.

"Because you play like shit when she's that close," Jake said. His tone was calm with just a touch of boredom. Ness smiled coyly at Jake after he rolled his eyes. "They can hang out before the show and after, but during she goes down with the rest of the fans." Quil took a breath to say something and Paul cut him off.

"Suck it up, buttercup. She won't know the difference and you can blame Ness. She doesn't give a shit," Paul said. Ness shrugged.

"True," Ness agreed. "Make me the bitch. Tell them I said the VIP section was oversold and since they weren't paying I couldn't squeeze them in. But make sure you remind her that the other VIP passes don't get them back stage access like hers does. She'll go along with it." It was actually the truth with Bella choosing these next two weeks to show up.

"Fine," he pouted. Ness could never get too irritated with Quil. He was just like an overgrown puppy. He got overexcited at the smallest thing and was sent scampering with his tail between his legs at the same amount. And he never caused her any trouble in the public relations department. It was easy to get tickets and VIP passes. But Jake was right, the closer he got to Claire, the shittier he played.

"That's all I have for now. Sam and I have one more item, but the rest of you can go back to sleep," Ness said. She watched as Quil, Embry, and Seth headed towards the back of the bus pulling the sound proof door closed behind them. The bus was designed so that sleep and practice could happen at the same time. It seemed that there was always someone who wanted to sleep and Jake was always writing songs. He wanted to be able to play whenever he wanted. Ness thought the extra expense was money very well spent. It kept the peace.

"What's up?" Sam asked.

"I pick Bella up today, and she'll be bunking in my cabin on the instrument bus." Her eyes flickered to Jake whose face was impassive. "I'll take Seth's and he can bunk with Jake."

"Why don't you just put her in Seth's, instead of playing musical bunks?" Sam asked. Ness smiled at how simple things were in Sam's head sometimes. She wished it all worked that way.

"Because Seth is a pig," Jake said. "We can't have the press staying in that filth. He's slept here last night so someone could clean it enough for Ness to sleep there. Plus, he's got his kinky ass shit all over the walls." He reached for Ness who moved over to sit next to him. "As much as I don't want Nessie in there, I know she's not going to judge Seth whereas Bella hasn't seen him since he was a kid…" he trailed off.

"Whatever," Sam said, "as long as Bella doesn't find herself in places she wasn't invited. I don't need her fucking with your head again."

"You kiss your babies with that filthy mouth?" Ness asked as she settled into Jake's side. Sam grinned at her.

"Emily likes my filthy mouth."

"T fucking MI, man," Jake groaned.

"I'm serious," Sam said getting back to the point. His eyes shifted to Ness, "don't let him near her if you think she wants him back."

"Sam, I can't control Bella, nor can I control Jake," Ness replied. Ness felt Jake's eyes on her and a slight smile lifted one side of his mouth. "But I can control schedules and appointments. I'll do what I can." She felt Jake's warm breath on her neck. He'd pulled her into a hug.

"Fine," Sam said. "I never really liked this plan, you know." Nessie was sure that was about the ten millionth time he'd stated that.

"Yes, and we know that she was about to write an exposé on misogynistic lyrics that could really bring us some very unfavorable attention. We have too much riding on this right now," Ness said for the ten millionth and first time. "We employ over half the rez," she reminded him. They literally did between the roadies who tour with them, the manufacture and distribution of all the merchandise, as well as a small production company. It was important to many, many people that _Theory of a Wolfman_ continue to be ridiculously profitable.

"He's going to be fine," Ness said to Sam, but looking at Jake. She reached up and touched his cheek. He looked her in the eye.

"Hurricane," Jake said. Ness smiled.

"Hurricane," Ness repeated.

"Okay, when you two begin to talk in your own fucking language, that's my cue to leave," Sam said and followed the other boys to take a nap before the next stop.

"One last item of business, Mr. Black," Ness said. She sighed as Jake's lips found the curve of her neck where it met her shoulder.

"What's that?" he asked, kissing his way up to her ear.

"I'm picking up Emmett today, right before Bella's flight comes in," she said. "I thought you might need," she inhaled deeply as he nibbled on her earlobe, "to work off some steam." He found her lips and silenced her.

"You're flying in my personal trainer?" he smiled into her cheek.

"You're getting flabby," she said, tugging on his shirt. He let her pull it off. "Right here." Ness's fingers plucked at some skin near his waist.

"But that's like, in, four hours, right?" he asked pulling her hand down his washboard abs. "What if I need a work out now? Feel the flab here?" He'd pulled both their hands into his shorts. Ness thought she'd better get Jake some underwear while she was picking up some for Paul.

"I am not giving you a workout on the couch in the front of the bus. I am not a groupie." He knew better than that.

"Can we make out, then?" he asked. She didn't need to answer with words. Ness had learned when she could let her hair down, too. And this was a nice distraction from the retched idea that her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend was coming on tour with them for two weeks. The woman who had broken his heart, not once, but twice.

The woman that nearly destroyed him.

"What was that?" Jake pulled back rubbing the side of his neck. "Are you fucking giving me a hickey?" He smirked to show her he wasn't really upset.

"No," Ness lied in a little girl voice. She was an adept liar, but after all they'd been through, Jake could see through it all.

"Uh huh," he said, leaning back in for another kiss. "Go ahead and stake your claim." He kissed her deeply and then bared his neck for her. "I think possessive Ness is uber sexy," he growled in her ear.


	3. Ch 3: Nothing Could Come Bewteen Us

**I'm so pleased with the response I have received with this story. You may not be able to see the reviews, but I can. I've read every comment that has been left and thank you so much. This story really has been therapeutic for me and I'm glad others are enjoying it.**

 **MarinaNamaste is my beta. She should get a move on with her _Runaways_. (Love you. Mwaaaa!)**

 **So now:**

 **Bella is on her way...**

* * *

"I don't mind flying if it's first class," Bella was telling the handsome man sitting next to her. "My agent takes care of all of that so I usually don't worry too much about it." She took a sip from her third complimentary cocktail. "Whew!" Bella whistled. "That's smooth."

"Agent?" the man asked. "What do you do?" Bella eyed the man, trying to size him up. His sandy blonde hair was well kept and his suit was expensive. She knew about expensive suits having been with Edward for eight years.

"I'm a journalist," she pronounced. "What was your name again?" Bella fluttered her eyelashes at him. He'd told her when he first sat down, but she didn't realize how handsome was so she hadn't paid attention.

"Ah, Mike. Mike Newton. You're a journalist?" he asked sounding impressed. "Have you written anything I may have read?"

"Depends," Bella said, leaning in a little bit, "on your intellectual level." Mike picked up on her subtle lean in and smirked.

"Try me," he said mirroring her by leaning in towards her.

"I wrote an exposé on subtle sexism in the workforce and how television programs like Mad Men perpetuate the behavior by creating likable characters who demonstrate unacceptable behavior. It ran in several publications including Business Insider and Forbes," she bragged.

"You're Isabella Cullen?" Mike asked. Bella was pleased he knew who she was. She smiled and nodded. She let her hand brush across his as he gave him a playful, congratulatory swat.

"Yes, I am," she answered. Mike's eyes traveled down to her hand and where her elbow now touched his on the arm rest before they traveled down, taking in the rest of her. He smiled and leaned in close enough for Bella to feel his breath on her face. He smelled of bourbon and spice.

"So what's that say about my intellect?" he murmured close to her ear.

"It says that it's worth staying awake for," Bella replied.

One meal, three drinks, and one quickie in a cramped airplane bathroom later, Bella found herself wandering through the Houston airport towards the exit. She adjusted her skirt again.

Bella exited the secure area and followed the ground transportation signs. Happy squeals and laughter brought her attention and she watched as Mike Newton was received by a thin, blonde woman and two children. He kissed the woman and smiled at her. The two toe-headed children jumped and begged for attention from their daddy. Bella felt an ache in the pit of her stomach, but pushed it back down.

She adjusted her skirt again, her eyes searching for her ride when she spotted a tall professional looking woman holding a sign reading "Bella Cullen" directly in front of a small excited crowd of friends and family waiting for loved ones. Bella wondered if this was the same person with whom she'd been corresponding over the past few weeks. Her long auburn hair fell in soft waves almost to her waist. She was tall for a woman and looked fit, though her business attire didn't reveal much. She couldn't be more than twenty which Bella found a little irksome. They could have at least sent someone important to come meet her. As Bella was assessing the person sent to meet her, the woman's chocolate brown eyes turned to her.

"Ms. Cullen?" the woman asked. Bella was surprised at being recognized by the sign bearer. She struggled to remember the name from the emails.

"Ms. Mason?" Bella asked.

"It's Miss, actually," Bella thought she saw her smirk, "but you can call me Carli. I'm the publicist for Theory of a Wolfman. I'll be your guide of sorts for the next few weeks."

"Nice to meet you. And please, call me Bella," she said graciously and extended her hand to shake Carli's.

"Alright, Bella," she smiled. Bella decided it was a pleasant smile. And while this woman may be young, her demeanor and manner of communicating demanded respect and it was deserved. "Come follow me. I have a car waiting and someone else will bring your bags shortly." Bella appreciated efficiency. Bella followed Carli and continued to assess her. Bella was a few inches shorter than her, but Bella had to be at least ten years older. A wall of humid heat hit them as they walked through the automatic doors towards a black sedan. A uniformed man opened the door of a sleek car that was running and cool on the inside.

"I'm impressed Carli. This is a rather grand reception." Bella missed Carli rolling her eyes. Seated in the black sedan Bella continued her verbal praise. "Yes, very impressive."

"What exactly did you expect?" Carli asked, pleasantly. That caught Bella off guard.

"Well, I don't quite know now that you ask," Bella answered honestly. In her mind, Jake was still the sixteen year old boy she'd left behind working on cars in his broken down garage. Bella hadn't even known that Jake was musically inclined when she was with him. She'd imagined Jake and his buddies in their pickup trucks playing gigs. But she knew there had to be more to it than that.

"Tell me what you expect a rock tour to be like," Carli said.

"Well," Bella thought, "I guess like what the movies show. I know reality will always be a little different, but I mentally picture the guys sitting around a green room eating and drinking before they're called to the stage. But from the detailed schedule you provided me, I can see it is much more than that." Bella wanted to discuss her access with the band members, so she was glad that Carli brought it up.

"Yes, that is why they have reduced the amount of touring they do to just a few months a year. It's rather exhausting and members of the band run different businesses back in La Push," Carli explained.

"Really? Can you tell me a little about that?" Bella asked reaching into her handbag for her tablet and a pen.

"Sure. All our merchandise, including t-shirts and accessories, are now produced in three factories built there. These factories alone provide hundreds of jobs for people in La Push as well as Forks. The community college in Port Angeles has even set up training programs for different fields including management, merchandising, and art design," Carli explained. Bella was a little shocked when she realized that she had greatly underestimated the breadth and scope of what Jake and his friends had accomplished. It was hard to wrap her head around.

"Art design?" Bella asked scribbling in shorthand.

"Yes," Carli smiled. "Leah Clearwater and Emily Uley do all the art for the band that encompasses stage design, lights, sound, t-shirt designs, and even album covers. It's quite extensive. Jacob even has a recording studio there and he sends out scouts looking for new talent."

"Impressive," Bella murmured as she scribbled. Bella knew Leah Clearwater and was about to ask about her when Carli distracted her from her thoughts.

"We know why you're here," Carli announced, her tone curt, but professional. Bella's head lifted and she met Carli's eyes.

"And why is that?" Bella asked, smiling. There were several reasons and Bella was sure that Carli didn't know any of them.

"You plan on writing a piece on how pervasive misogynistic overtones in song lyrics are contributing to the degradation of women. I've read your other articles. You don't vary your subject matter very much." Bella was impressed with her bluntness. "It seems you've found your niche." Bella did not miss the derisive tone in Carli's voice.

"How long have you worked for Ja…er, the band?" Bella asked. She needed to put this young pup in her place.

"How is that relevant?" Carli asked with a small smile across her pink lips.

"I'm just trying to get a sense on how well you know the band, its members, its business, and maybe even your own profession." Bella's pen was back in motion as she tried to decipher the young woman's age.

"I've been with the band for the past six years," Carli replied. Bella tried to hide her astonishment. Carli offered no other information. Bella just stared at her for a few beats.

"I'm twenty-four," she smiled. "This was my first gig out of college, so to speak. I was on an accelerated track." Bella didn't react to that information. It bothered her that Carli knew what she was thinking and, even if Bella hadn't realized it, she was very intimidated on a subconscious level. "While I agree that the band's lyrics may be shocking," Carli continued after a few beats of silence, "knowing the stories behind the songs is quite enlightening. Their music reaches wide audiences who can really identify with what they produce. I hope you take advantage of your VIP passes and interview the other attendees on why they like the band and pay significantly more for the opportunity to meet the band personally."

"I will," Bella said, jotting down a note to do just that. "And may I ask why my access to the band members is so restricted?" Bella tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice, but she just couldn't.

"Jake." It was the only explanation Carlie offered her.

"I beg your pardon?" Bella asked. Bella knew she'd hurt him in the past, but surely ten years had healed those wounds. It'd been a decade.

"Bella, let us approach this with some candor, shall we? Your past relationship with Jacob Black is not a secret to me nor among the band members. While Jacob is willing to meet with you under some very specific conditions, his friends are advising him against it. They are not too keen on seeing you, either." Bella could feel her blood pressure rising. "While I am aware of your former friendships with all the members of the band, some wounds are not yet healed or are still very tender. Since it is my job to deal with any public fallout I am very aware of most of the details."

"I see," Bella said. She hadn't expected to meet with any bad feelings from the others. She knew there was going to be some awkwardness with Jake for a while, but he'd always been so forgiving.

"Have you listened to any of their songs, I mean, other than the ones I'm sure you find offensive?" Carli asked. Bella rolled her eyes at that again. Alice had suggested it and she listened to all the songs on their five albums at least once.

"Yes. But maybe not as closely as I should, I guess," she admitted.

"Jacob Black writes feelings. Some are his and some are what he imagines others are experiencing," Carli explained. "Why don't you _study_ their lyrics and try to imagine _why_ a particular song was written and maybe to whom it was directed. I'll answer any questions you may have. If I don't know the answer I will go find it for you."

Bella's chest tightened. It was the first time she considered that any of Jake's songs could be about her. She had certainly changed in a decade, of course Jacob would as well. She had come to realize in the weeks leading up to today that she really missed Jake. She'd left Edward two years ago and she missed Jacob. And with the divorce on the verge of being final, she wanted to see him. No, she _needed_ to see him. He had a way of making her world right. If she could get to know him again through his music, then she'd do it.

"Yes, I'll do that. They're here on my phone," Bella agreed. Maybe she could turn this story into something else. She knew Paul had struggled with drug addiction and womanizing. She had many thoughts going through her mind. Maybe this Carli was right and she was in a professional rut. She had two weeks to find a new angle.

"Good," Carli said, looking out the window. "We're here." The car pulled into the back lot of the venue and Bella looked at the long row of unmarked coach busses. "You'll be staying in my compartment on the instrument bus. It's much nicer than Seth's compartment which is on the same bus. I'll be bunking in there and save you the trouble." Bella couldn't help smile at Carli's warm smile.

"Seth Clearwater? Leah's brother?" Bella asked. She smiled at the memory of the scrawny, happy kid.

"The same. He is in charge of repairing and maintaining all the instruments and he's very good. Seth will be bunking with Jake on the main bus while you're with us." They exited the car and Carli thanked the driver. Bella could not help but be impressed with just how professional this young woman was. She thought about having Alice poach her. "This way," Carli said.

Bella followed Carli, keeping an eye out for anyone she might know. Jake. She was looking for Jake. Bella's anticipation grew now that she knew they could run into each other at any time. The Texas heat was oppressive and Bella tried to convince herself that the pounding of her heart was a result of the weather.

Carli explained to her how to discern which bus was hers and when they climbed aboard Bella was shown her compartment and the bathroom. It was cool and clean inside. It was nicer than the first apartment she and Edward shared their first year of college.

"Wow," Bella breathed. "I never realized how nice these are."

Carli laughed. "They've only had these the past three years. It does make life easier and actually saves time and money. We don't need hotels anymore. We've got about two hours before you join the VIP group in their special seats. I'll let you rest and freshen up. The fridge is stocked so help yourself to anything." As if on cue there was a knock on the bus door. "Come," Carli ordered.

The door opened and Sam Uley climbed up the stairs laden with Bella's luggage. Bella gasped when she realized who it was.

"Bella I'd like you to meet—"

"Sam?" Bella smiled.

"That's right," Carli replied before Sam could. "He's our stage manager and director of operations."

"Bella," Sam said curtly and nodded his head. He did not give a returning smile. Bella let her own smile falter a bit. "You're clear on the conditions of your visit with us?" Sam asked.

"Well, yes, I am, but—"

"Good," Sam interrupted. "We have a tight schedule with many things to get done. We can't have you wandering off and distracting people. If you need anything, including meetings with _any_ band member, Carli will schedule it. I've got to run. I _hope_ it's good to see you again, Bella." And before Bella could respond, Sam turned and left the bus.

"I'm sorry he's so blunt," Carli apologized. "He really does have quite a bit to do. He's usually terse with everyone. Please don't take that personally."

Again, Bella was amazed with how Carli seemed to read her thoughts.

"Yes, I think I'd like to freshen up. You'll be back at what time?" Bella asked.

"At six thirty. Either Alan or I will come fetch you. Alan is the personal assistant for the band members. He's new and the band isn't used to using him yet. I am still doing many duties that Alan should be performing, but the guys forget. If that is the case, I will send Alan. He's a great guy. He will bring you to me. Please stay on this bus until someone comes for you, please," Carli pleaded.

 _Fine_ , Bella thought. _For now_.

* * *

 **A/N: Thoughts?**


	4. Ch 4: Salt In The Wound

**A/N: I love writing Paul. He's my favorite character to do dialogue for. I think it's because I can say all the inappropriate things I've wanted to say in so many other situations.**

 **I'm so pleased with the response to this little story. I haven't had this great of a response since Experiments. That's telling me something very important and I like the lesson.**

 **To the guest reviewer who is having mixed feelings about my story: That's the freakin' point. Good stories are written about flawed people who figure out how to quit being asshats. Hello. And I never suggested that ONE review from a journalist would ruin the band. I said it would cause them problems. Do you read the news? People (especially insecure people who band together to form loud groups) can cause quite a bit a commotion about the stupidest thing taken out of context. That's the fear I'm playing on. Plus, it gives Jake an opportunity to face the feelings he has from the past. You said it seems that Bella is seeking forgiveness. I'm not quite sure where you're getting that. I certainly didn't write it with that in mind. Those of you who accused her of being a selfish bitch hit the nail on the head. One person mentioned the quickie with Mike in the airplane. This won't end up being a hate Bella fic. In fact I'm working on that later chapters now and it's surprising me as they come out. Keep reading or not, I don't care. I hope you do so you can give me some input on character development.**

 **MarinaNamaste is my beta. She really does an awesome job.**

 **Enjoy.**

* * *

Jake sat on the couch in the green room practicing the riff of a new song he'd been writing for the past week or so.

"What's that?" Paul asked, cracking open a grape soda and taking a seat on the opposite couch. Leave it to Paul to give up heroin and turn to grape soda. "That's new." Jake hadn't introduced the new tune to the others yet. Paul tilted his head to listen the chord progression. "It's raw, man. Angry song?" He took a deep swig and sighed with satisfaction.

"Yeah. I'll play it for you after we roll out tonight," Jake said, concentrating on his fingerings when he switched to the lick. He'd inserted a hard transition. He hadn't had many angry songs lately because Ness had a very calming effect on him. "I want to play it for Ness first."

"Ah," was all Paul said, letting out a long, low burp. He knew how Jake worked. Jake's shit was good, especially when he was angry. The low hum of the crowd filtered through the walls in the nice sized greenroom fully stocked with all the provisions requested in their contract riders. Fuckin' grape soda.

Jake replayed the riff several times then began from the beginning, singing the words in his head. Paul was a great front man with the perfect voice for Jake's angst filled lyrics. He had thought about taking lead on a few songs, but so many of them were his therapy, he was more content to just wail on his guitar and scream the backup vocals. Paul was a better figure for the spotlight as well. He didn't brood as much, and Jake knew it.

Jake's attention was pulled to the giggling girl on Quil's lap. Claire had made it in, and Ness had sent a car for her and her two friends. Brittany and Amy were vying for the attention of Seth and Embry, but both boys had decided to not go down that road since they were all from the rez.

"Seth," Amy called. "Come sit and have a drink with us!" The ice tinkled in her glass as she held it up like she was toasting everyone. Brittany giggled, sipping on her own cocktail while Claire was busy kissing up Quil's neck.

"Leave him alone," Jake rumbled rolling his eyes. "He has work to do. You can flirt with him after the show when he's not busy making sure we don't sound like shit on stage." His tone was gruff. He was not in the mood for girlie shit. Amy's smile faded at being chastised, but Jake didn't miss the relief on Seth's face. Amy was not his type and Seth's type was not hard to find at a rock concert. And, even though Seth would screw just about anything, he didn't like hurting girls' feelings.

"So you haven't seen her?" Embry said, cracking a smile to try to rile Jake up. Jake looked up at the shithead in his ratty, holey jeans and t-shirt that was a size too small. He was sitting in the arm chair next to Jake trying distance himself from the flirty girls. Embry sometimes had less self-control than Seth did when it came to willing women.

They all knew Bella had arrived. They all figured she wasn't going to comply with the rules and guidelines they'd laid out in her contract. Jake felt a slice rip through his gut at the mention of her name. He shot a look to Embry who knew exactly what he'd done. Jake was about to rip Embry's head off when he was interrupted.

"You really want to go there, Embry?" Sam said bustling through the door. "You really want to get him all pissed off right before he goes on stage and then you're going to get all pissed off when he changes the set list to suit his mood? You know he'll do it." Jake had a habit of changing the set according to his whim, messing up the entire light and sound crew who'd have to scramble to catch up.

"Shit, Embry!" Paul called. "Shut the fuck up!" Paul could keep up with the changes, it just threw him off his game while sending the stagehands in a frenzy trying to anticipate which guitars and effects were needed next.

"Not to mention it makes Ness's job harder when she has to explain to the promotion company why we aren't playing the chart toppers," Sam said. "Can you be a little nicer to Ness?"

"Who's Ness?" Claire asked, pulling herself away from Quil's throat, wiping away the wetness she'd left there. His hands were running up and down her sides while his thumbs teased the underside of her boobs. Watching Quil's wandering hands, Jake figured he wouldn't be in his own bunk tonight since Embry's was right next to his. Claire was a squeaker. Jake would just stay up front and work on the song and then crash on the couch.

"You know, baby," Quil cooed into her ear. "She's the one who set up your visit and had you picked up at the airport."

"Oh," she replied, sticking out her bottom lip, "the one who says we can't sit on stage while you perform? Why can't I remember her name?"

"That's the one," Jake said. "And, actually, that was me, not her who said that. His playing sucks when you're that close. Ness was just nice enough to take the blame." Claire's friends, Amy and Brittany, gasped, and Claire just narrowed her eyes.

"What do you mean 'his playing sucks' when I'm around?" Claire asked.

"I mean," Jake said, shifting his guitar to his left hand and rising from his seat to go take a walk, "his playing sucks ass when you're on stage." He looked from his guitar, which he handled with great care, back over the Claire and focused his intense stare at her. "What part of that was hard to understand? He drops sticks and loses time. He's the fuckin' drummer and he needs to pay attention. It's better for him, us, and all the paying fans if you are fifty feet away off stage. He's still going to fuck you afterwards, so what the hell do you care?" He'd taken two or three steps toward the couch where they lounged and he towered over them. Claire squeaked and Jake rolled his eyes at the foreshadowing.

Jake could hear the opening act begin their first set and he wanted to calm down before he went on stage. Claire had always rubbed him the wrong way and he was especially irritable today. He handed his guitar to Seth, who nodded.

"Besides," Jake added, "you left that big ass hickey on his neck, you can brag on that next to all the middling sycophants in the general paying audience."

"Huh?" Amy asked, looking extremely confused. Paul chuckled.

"When did you become such a douche, Jacob Black?" Claire huffed, throwing her long, raven hair over her shoulder.

"He's always been a douche," Embry contributed in a dry tone. Jake didn't think he was kidding.

"As long as I can remember," Seth added a little more jocularly before he left to check on the other instruments.

"Baby," Quil whispered in Claire's ear, "he's right. When you're that close to me I just get so…you know…" he looked into her eyes and she melted. He didn't finish his sentence, but his hands did something that made her squeal.

"Ohhhh! Baby," she sighed before laying an obscenely graphic kiss on him. Apparently she thought it was sweet when Quil admitted he sucked. Amy turned her sights to one of the roadies in a tight black t-shirt. He responded much more favorably than Seth or Embry.

"Oh fuck, I'm gonna be sick," Paul groaned. Jake was already out the door.

Ness's phone flashed and she looked at the screen.

 _where r u? i need 2 c u_

 _Trying to get "the press" to join the off-stage VIP section. We may have to put her on stage. She's being obstinate._

 _fuck. just do it. then come see me. im on the roadie bus_

 _You sound like a Nike commercial. Smart being on the roadie bus. No one will look for you there. Be there in a sec. Well, make that a few._

It was more like fifteen minutes before the door of the bus opened and Jake knew he only had about ten minutes before he had to be back in the greenroom. He was up and to her before she was even up the stairs. He lifted her up and hugged her tightly to his chest. He sucked in a long, cleansing breath, inhaling her scent.

"What is wrong?" Ness asked, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Fucking Embry," he mumbled into her neck, "stirring up Bella shit and Quil's fucking leech of a girlfriend. I needed to talk to someone intelligent for a minute or two." He began placing kisses all along her neck up to her ear.

"This isn't talking," Ness moaned before she was silenced when his mouth covered hers. She responded knowing he just needed to be close to someone for a few minutes. Well, close to her. He was nervous whether he'd admitted it to himself or not. He was always needy when he was nervous. She didn't mind—as long as it was her he was needy for. And, the man knew how to kiss.

"This is better," he said between pecks. The kissing slowed and the ended up in a tight embrace. His right hand twisted in her long, wavy locks and his left arm wrapped around her waist holding her firmly against his hard body. They stood silent for a few moments before he finally got to what was really bothering him.

"So she'll be onstage? In the bleachers in the on-stage VIP section?" he asked into her neck.

"Yes, because _you_ relented. Honestly, I don't know how…" she pulled away to look at him and stopped herself. She was going to ask how he put up with her for so long. Even, how he could even have fallen in love with her. Ness found her insufferable.

"She was different before him. She was…nice. _He_ changed her." It was all he could say. It was the truth.

"Okay," Ness said. "Let's not get into this now. You need to get back." Her phone was vibrating in her pocket because she'd turned down the volume of the two-way radio on her hip. "Sam is having kittens and blowing up my phone telling me to get you back to the greenroom."

"Fuck! It takes ten minutes to set up the stage between acts and they're still playing," he complained and pulled her close again. She buried her head into his chest, giving him the closeness he needed without beginning a new make out session. She sighed her contentment. This was her favorite place to be, but touring made discreet intimacy difficult and somewhat stressful. She was glad they only toured a few months out of the year.

"No changing the set!" she said playfully pushing into his chest. "Keep the songs on the set list _and_ play them in order. There is a rhyme and reason to that list and you can't mess with it tonight."

"Fine," he moaned, before brushing a hand lovingly over her forehead, pushing her hair back from her face. "Kiss me," he breathed. "I need something real before I go out there for the mind fuck."

Her heart thudded—she hurt so much for him. She'd decided that maybe she should go into acting after the performance she gave this afternoon just being civil to the woman who had completely destroyed Jacob twice. Ness had also decided that Bella was utterly oblivious to how deeply she had wounded him. It made Ness dislike her even more.

Ness looked up at him and placed her hands on his shoulders. "Up," she said softly with a smirk and patting him. He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he pushed her back against the counter top. She kissed him, but it wasn't needy and passionate like his had been when she first entered the bus. It was slow and deep. It conveyed how much she loved him and why. He knew all the reasons why. It didn't last as long as either of them wished; her phone had buzzed again.

"Hurricane," she whispered, pecking him again. "It's gonna be worth it."

"I love you so much. Please remember that. The storm's about to get rough."

Ness nodded. They'd talked about all the possibilities. _All_ of them. In theory they had it covered. She hoped reality worked the same.

"I love you, too," Ness said, placing one more, sweet kiss on his lips. "Now let me down and get your ass back in the greenroom before Sam gets a hemorrhoid."

"You gotta quit hanging around Embry," Jake said setting her down. "You're getting crass." He slapped her on the ass.

"Yeah. It's all Embry's influence." She rolled her eyes.

Seth was waiting for him with the guitar he'd start the show with.

"Thanks, man," Jake said, gently receiving the guitar and throwing the strap over his shoulder. He took the pick Seth offered after he untwisted and adjusted the strap.

"Better?" Seth asked.

"Ness makes everything better," Jake mumbled. Seth just smirked at him. Jake's fingers ran over chords as he made his way back to the greenroom. He knew Sam would be shitting bricks, but if he came in ready, it'd ease the tension. He didn't enjoy stressing Sam out, but he had to work some shit out.

"'bout time," Sam grumbled. Jake could tell he wasn't really angry.

"Sorry, man. I just needed to—" Jake started.

"I get it," Sam cut him off. "Embry was an ass. You sure you're ready for this?"

Jake glanced up and considered the question.

"No."

Sam nodded. "But what the fuck are you gonna go?" Sam said as he shrugged. Jake nodded in return. Sam patted his shoulder.

Jake walked through the greenroom, relieved to see that Claire and her girls were gone. He half smiled at Quil who was picking up his sticks. Jake's smile was a half apology and Quil understood. Jake ignored Embry. Stupid fucker might as well have kicked him in the nuts and he did it in front of a room full of people.

Fuck 'im.

Jake walked through the other door to wait off stage until they were to go on. Roadies scurried, moving equipment and Seth came over to check the song order again.

"You want the white custom second, right?" Seth asked diplomatically.

"Yeah, and then the Snow Falcon. I won't change the order. No matter what. Even if I try, just bring me the guitars in order. You know how I hate playing the wrong song on the wrong guitar. It'll keep me on track." Seth looked skeptical which made Jake smile. "I promise, Seth. I won't get mad at you. I'm saving all that shit for Embry."

"What'd I do?" Embry asked, like he didn't know.

"Later," Paul growled and took a sip of his tea and handed it back to his herbalist who had appeared out of nowhere. "We have a show to do." Paul looked over to Jake. "Ness put her on the far side." He nodded to the far side of the stage where Jake could see Bella chatting with another fan in the VIP section. "Just don't cross the stage in the second set and you'll be good." Paul strapped on his guitar and cuffed Embry in the head, "Got that, Embry? No stage cross. Just stay put."

"Whatever," Embry returned, taking his own bass.

Jake could do this. He had Nessie's support and love. Bella couldn't destroy him again unless he gave her the power to do so. And we wasn't going to give her the power. He had a job to do. They planned the first set when they received Bella's confirmation email. He knew then how he'd feel. That actually made him feel better. His prediction had been right and he knew how to deal with it. They'd prepared. The lights dimmed signaling their entrance.

"So we start off with _So Happy_ and then onto _The Bitch Came Back_ and I'm not changing the order. I'm good. I swear," Jake said, barely audible to everyone. But they all heard. Seth nodded and headed back to the guitar lockers. He had to check Embry's other basses. Quil had a dozen extra sticks sitting in a pile next to his kit just in case he dropped more than usual. And Paul…well he was just Paul. Nothing ever seemed to faze him—now that he was sober. Fuckin' grape soda.

The lights dimmed and Jake took deep breath before he stepped on stage.

* * *

 **Thoughts? Embry? Paul? Jake?  
**


	5. Ch 5: Love is Hell

**A/N: All I'm gonna say is that this _will_ be an HEA. But I'm not saying any more than that. Some people need to resolve some of their issues, though.**

 **So, without any further ado...**

* * *

Bella was unceremoniously delivered to the stage and she waited with several other fans while roadies in black moved equipment around the stage. She shuffled back and forth in her low heeled pumps. She'd showered on the bus and found the accommodations quite nice, but now she was regretting her wardrobe choices. She looked around at the people surrounding her and envied their comfortable jeans and shoes. All of them were wearing t-shirts from various tours from different years. Bella's time as a Cullen had cured her of dressing so casually.

"This is so going to be worth the extra money I spent on this ticket," giggled a middle-aged woman. "Just to see Paul that close. Do you think he'll sing to me?" she mused.

"Are you kidding me?" another scoffed. Her hair was bleached blonde and pulled up high on her head in a messy bun. "He's been off the market for years. Married. Haven't you seen his new tattoo? He and his wife have tattoo rings."

"You've seen his wife?" another woman wearing ripped TOFW t-shirt asked. "I hear he keeps that really hush, hush because she's like, _a dog_. But they totally fell in love and he's so scared the media will make fun of her so he's banned anyone from mentioning her or taking pictures of her."

"You're full of shit. Paul Lahote cannot control the media. Besides, Paul would never marry a dog."

"No, but he talked about her in an interview I watched it on YouTube," the blonde woman answered.

"This is my third concert this summer and she's right," a tall brunette woman piped up pointing at the one with the details about Paul's marital status, "Paul isn't taking anyone back stage."

"Folks, follow me, please," the tall man named Alan called, beckoning them over. That stopped the discussion about hooking up with Paul. That Carli woman had picked her up from the bus and headed her over to join the other VIP fans. Bella was pressing for more access and she must have pushed Carli to the edge because she'd finally agreed and then had that nice Alan fellow to come get her. Then, Carli disappeared somewhere and Bella hadn't seen her since.

It didn't matter though, Bella finally got what she wanted and now she was going to be _on stage_ and up close for her first _Theory of a Wolfman_ concert. Actually, it was her first rock concert, ever. There were two sets of bleachers, seating about a dozen people each, set up and she took a seat on the side closest to where the group had lined up. The other half of the group followed Alan and crossed the stage and were seated on the duplicate set. She looked out to the crowd and she could see the excitement—she could feel it. All these people were here to see Jake and his friends. She could hardly believe it.

Bella was pulled from her thoughts when she heard Carli's voice behind her. She turned to see the woman leading a man to her set of bleachers.

"Thank you so much, Eric. We're so glad you could make it," Carli said with a smile. Her hand was on his shoulder and her other hand was gesturing towards the bleachers where Bella sat.

"It's nice to be remembered. Thank you for the invitation. I'm sure it'll be a great show," Eric said. They smiled at each other and Carli excused herself. The man looked to be about Bella's age and he came and sat on the bleachers next to her. When he settled in he turned his head to take her in. His eyes moved up and down her body, but it wasn't like other men. He wasn't sizing her up sexually.

"Can I help you?" Bella asked, feeling a bit self-conscious.

"Not at all," the man replied before smirking and turning away. Bella was a little irritated. She knew what look meant, she gave it to people all the time.

He was judging her.

"What?" she asked.

He looked back over and smirked again. "Reporter?" he asked.

"What?" she asked again. The crowd was getting restless and she peered back out at them. There was a group of girls screaming Quil's name.

"Are you," he pointed at her, speaking slowly, "a reporter?" Now he thought she was retarded. Bella was not pleased. She wished she could move away, but the roadies had all left the stage and she knew the show was about to begin.

"No," she replied curtly. "I'm a journalist."

"Tomato, tomahto," he smiled back at her.

"Who are you?" she asked, incredulously. She ran her eyes over his frayed jeans and converse. She missed wearing her converse. He was wearing a _Theory of a Wolfman_ concert tee from a few years ago. "I heard Carli say thank you."

"I write reviews for a rock blog," he replied. "I'm Eric Yorkie." He flipped his head so that his long, electric blue bangs would flip over to the side to better see her.

"How interesting," she sneered.

"And you are?" he asked in an amused voice.

"Isabella Cullen," was all she replied, but her sharp eyes continued to appraise him. He looked Asian, but Bella couldn't be sure.

"First rock concert?" he asked.

"Why would you think that?" she asked, hoping the show would begin so she could quit talking to the impertinent little twerp.

"Because you're dressed like Hillary Clinton." He looked down. "Nice shoes." Bella considered using words he'd understand by telling him to fuck off when the lights went down. The crowd cheered and Bella felt the butterflies in her stomach. Jake could always do that to her. The women on the stage were screaming and Bella reached into her bag to see if her bottle of pain reliever was handy. She pulled out her note pad as she sat back up.

Erick chuckled and then stood up to welcome the band on stage with the others who shared their privileged seating. Bella kept her seat and jotted down her thoughts about Eric in shorthand. Shorthand was a lost art that Edward insisted she learn if Bella was "hell bent" on majoring in journalism. She was grateful for it now, though. Very few people could ever read her notes.

An electric guitar spilt the hush that fell over the crowd before Paul's voice filled the venue. The crowd went wild as the guys she knew as a child and teenager sang a song about being fed up and getting rid of a significant other. Bella vaguely knew how they felt as she thought about her controlling ex-husband. The crowd cheered and clapped and sang along to the catchy tune and she'd just begun to realize just how much her old friends were loved when the song ended.

"Okay, ladies!" Paul yelled. "This is for you!" Screams filled the air as the boys from La Push began a familiar child's melody Bella had heard on a ski trip to Canada. The quiet plunking notes of _The Cat Came Back_ rang through the venue before Jake's guitar split the air, taking the song to a different level.

 _"The bitch came back the very next day,"_ Paul crooned into the microphone. This was one of the songs that Bella had chosen to focus her piece on. She looked out at the crowd and was simply amazed at all the women who were singing along. It was at that moment that the words out of Paul's mouth were, _"she's so fuckin' stupid that she's singing along."_ Bella paid attention to the words.

 _"The trouble with girls is they're all the same. Forget the diamonds and pearls they just want a ring. Before you know it you're like a dog on a leash. Well you can try to change the world, but you won't change me!_ " Women screamed and men grinned, all of them pumping their fists in the air as the chorus resounded, _"The bitch came back the very day!"_

"You're writing an expose on their lyrics?" Eric yelled into her ear.

"What?" Bella answered, a little annoyed.

"I just googled you," he held his phone up. "You're like, a gender baiter looking for misogynistic overtones in everything." His tone was matter of fact, but not accusatory. He smiled and it swept Bella's anger away, because he was amused by it and that perplexed her. He turned back to band and Bella followed his lead. That's when it was confirmed in her mind that the boys she'd known as a kid were all grown up and they had a _very_ large following.

She watched Embry first, since he was closest to her. He wore tight, black jeans with holes all up and down the front. His t-shirt didn't leave much to the imagination, either. He was ripped and Bella could appreciate the work it took to look like that. She watched as his right hand strummed out the bass chords. Next her eyes were pulled to Paul, who was again singing about how the bitch came back, and his dress was similar to Embry's. Paul's hair was trimmed close in the back, but his ebony locks fell longer over his face at an angle. He flipped it back with his hands when they were resting from his guitar parts.

A drum solo pulled her eyes to the back of the stage where Quil bounced out a heavy beat. He flailed his arms and threw his head back and forth. Bella would have found it comical if she hadn't heard the music that her four old buddies were creating. Quil was shirtless and wore a head band that made his shortly cropped hair stick up at odd angles. She presumed the headband was functional and to catch the sweat that she could see dripping off his nose. They had only just begun and Bella could see why Quil would need to work out to build his stamina. It looked like hard work. Bella was also surprised that Quil sang quite a bit of the background vocals.

She'd saved looking at Jake's side of the stage for last. The butterflies that had floated in anticipation at the beginning of the concert swarmed into a storm and dove straight to her do-dah. Jake was…well… Jake was hot. And he was all man. The last time she'd seen him in person was almost eight years before and she wasn't brave enough to approach him. Dressed much like the others in dark, tight clothing, Bella could remember the way his body felt on hers and imagined how much better it would feel now.

She watched as his hand strummed over the strings of the guitar that hung low to his waist. His other hand flew up and down the frets on the neck of the guitar with skill and practiced precision. Bella knew what those hands could do a decade ago, she couldn't even imagine what that'd feel like now. She was getting a little light-headed.

"He's amazing, isn't he?" Eric asked and distracted her from her memories and possible future.

"What?" she stammered. This Eric guy really knew how to make her feel like an idiot.

"Jake," he said pointing to where Bella had just been staring, "he's amazing. He writes most of the lyrics and music. And dude wails on the guitar." An unfamiliar song began during Eric's praise of Jake. It was then that Bella realized that maybe she should have taken Alice's advice and listened to more of their music to prepare.

"Yeah," she responded. "He's an old friend," Bella added for good measure. Perhaps she added it so Eric wouldn't seem like such a know-it-all.

"Really?" Eric asked, and his voice cracked with is surprise. He looked her up and down again. "An 'old' friend I take it." He smirked again and Bella was incensed.

"What the hell does that mean?" Bella shrieked over the music. Paul was droning about salt in the wound and rubbing it in. She kind of knew how that felt.

"It means that you don't look like you fit in here. Unless this is some sort of costume." His hands moved up and down, indicating her outfit again.

"It's not a costume. They're professional clothes. I—" Bella cut herself off. She didn't need to justify her fashion choices to this blogger, who obviously didn't have enough talent to get a real job in journalism. She turned back to the band and tried to ignore the women around her vying for Embry's attention. He looked like he was concentrating and their behavior irritated her. Everything was irritating her.

"Look, I'm sorry," Eric tried. "I don't mean to be offensive. It just seems like you're out of your element. I hope you look into all of their songs before you write that kind of piece on them. They are a great band and great guys who reach a lot of people. They also help quite a bit back in their home town which I'm sure you know since you're an old friend and all. I really hope that you give all their music a try."

"How do you know I haven't?" Bella asked, feeling even more irritated that he seemed to know so much. And that he was actually right.

"Because you haven't sung along once, you're taking notes on their most controversial song, which if they knew you were coming, they baited you with," Eric smirked. "Shall I go on?"

"I, ah," Again, Bella was stumped. Eric grinned that disarming grin at her and Bella couldn't help but smirk back and she didn't know why. "You're right. My agent tried to get me to listen to more of them. And I did. I have all of their songs—and I mean _all_ of them—on my phone, but I just never had time to sit down and study them," she confessed. "I just felt like I've known the whole pack of them since I was in diapers and that I'd get it."

"But how long since you've spent any time with them?" Eric asked. The music slowed as the band began a ballad. They both listened for a minute or two. Paul was singing about how it was 'easy to love you' and Bella's heart jolted. She could imagine Jake singing this to her way back before she'd left him again for Edward. Maybe even after she'd left him the first time because he'd promised to love her forever. He promised her he'd always be waiting. She was too deep in her thoughts to notice Eric looking at her, and scrutinizing the way she looked at Jake while Paul crooned a song about easy love that was obvious to everyone.

"Too long," Bella finally answered his question, wiping a stray tear from her eye. She definitely should have listened to their songs more closely. "It's been almost ten years since I spent any real time with any of them."

"So you know all of them?" Eric asked. Two of the scantily clad women turned around to look at her.

"Yes," she answered firmly, returning their glare. The song was quiet and Bella wanted to listen. She watched as Jake played the chords and sang the backup harmonies. She had known, all those years ago, that he had an old acoustic guitar. He'd put it away when Edward had dumped her that first time and she expressed her dislike for music. She wondered when he pulled it back out. The song was coming to an end and Bella applauded furiously. She was still unaware as Eric watched her.

Embry looked over then and they caught each other's eye. He smiled and she waved excitedly back. The women in front of her swooned. Embry walked over and held his hand up to her. She looked over at Eric not knowing what to do.

"Give him a high five," Eric prompted. Bella felt stupid, _again_. She took the suggestion and Embry just shook his head.

"Always a pleasure, Swan!" he said before he turned back to head towards his microphone. Again, the women he'd passed to give her a high five looked her up and down. Bella sat up straight in her linen pant suit. Embry had come to give _her_ a high five, not them.

A low thrum from Embry's bass and Jake's guitar signaled the beginning of a new song. Bella finally noticed Eric staring at her.

"You're a trip, Bella. Why'd he call you Swan?" Bella was beginning to think that little smirk of his was a permanent feature on his face. It was vaguely endearing.

"It's my maiden name," Bella felt silly again. "I haven't given anyone a high five in almost a decade," trying to explain her earlier stupidity. She didn't know why Eric made her feel so silly. She was used to owning every room she was in. She was educated and self-reliant. She'd made it so since she before left Edward.

"It's cool," Erick shrugged. "I feel like a teacher, educating you in the world of rock concerts." Bella smiled at him because no matter what he said and how stupid she felt, there was never any malice to Eric's comments. She felt stupid, but she knew Eric didn't intend that to be the case. And she couldn't stay mad at him for just that reason.

Bella turned her attention back to the band and the song. Her heart dropped when she realized that Jake was looking right at her.

 _"The dust on the floor piled up from the years, all those scars and souvenirs now that you're gone it's so easy to see,"_ Paul sang. Jake looked away and Bella was left with her thudding heart.

"Oh my gosh!" Eric breathed.

"What?" Bella asked him for what seemed the eightieth time that night.

"You're her!" he said, and his teak eyes filled with wonder and he flipped his hair out of his face again with a jerk of his head.

"Who?" Bella asked, truly at a loss and looking around.

"You're her. Like, you're the fuel behind the angry songs. Wow. Now I do want to shake your hand," Eric declared. Eric looked back over towards the band and Bella's eyes followed. Jake's staid gaze was pointed at her again as he sang harmony to the chorus.

 _"By the way, you left without saying goodbye to me. Now that you're gone away all I can think about is you and me."_ The words were harmonized between Quil, Jake, and Paul underlined with angry guitar riffs.

"You thought the last song was about you, but _Easy to Love You_ was written two years ago, since Jake's been out of rehab. That one's about whoever helped him through that time. Now this one," he pointed back at Jake "this one is about you. Look," he nodded, "he's looking at you again."

Bella looked and Eric was right. Jake's gaze was locked on her and she couldn't look away as the three men sang in harmony again. The timbre was angry and harsh and the words sliced through her heart. The women looked back at her once again and smirked. One of whispered in the other's ear and they both giggled before they turned back around to listen.

 _"It's sad to say that this pain is killing me inside. But it's time to say that this pain is keeping me alive."_ Jake stepped and stomped as his hand ripped across his strings. _"Twisting and turning it rips through my heart. It's been tearing me apart."_ Jake dropped out and Embry and Quil took up the backup vocals.

Bella felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. It had occurred to her that Jake may have written a song or about her, but she thought it'd be a sweet one. He promised he'd always be waiting for her. She'd expected it. This song wasn't just about her, she was being serenaded. And everyone could see. He was singing to her all his anger and bitterness at her instead of sweet, loving ballads. Even the stupid whores in front of her knew it. Bella was mortified.

She suddenly felt very foolish for insisting she be onstage in the VIP section. Carli had tried to keep her off stage in the anonymous crowd. Did Carli know? Did they all know? Bella felt like every person in the audience was suddenly looking at her. She felt transparent and like the whole world could see every mistake she'd ever made including leaving Jacob's warm bed moments after she'd finally given in and let him make love to her before she gave herself irrevocably to Edward.

She thought she was giving Jake something to remember her by. She felt she was satisfying her own curiosity that would help calm her restless soul. She realized later, and much too late, that she'd always want Jacob more. That little fact later surfaced during a fight with Edward and it helped to destroy what was left of their marriage. Bella was angry. She didn't need this kind of judgement from complete strangers. And how dare he put their personal business out there for the whole world to hear?

Hot tears ran down her face as she fled the stage and back through the doors she remembered coming through on the way in. She thought she remembered how to get back to the busses, but she didn't know if the security guards would let her through. She needed to get away from the scrutiny and view of the thousands of people she felt were staring at her and condemning her.

"Bella!" she heard a voice call. "Bella, you forgot your bag!" It was Eric and he'd followed her off stage. He slowed his pace and stopped right in front of her. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry. God, I'm so tactless most of the time. That's the hazard of being a blogger. I don't see the people I affect, so it makes me very callous sometimes."

"No," Bella sniffled, "it's not you. I just never thought…" She didn't finish her sentence. Eric wouldn't get it. She didn't want to rehash the tragic mistakes of her stupid teenage years when she was needy and co-dependent. She didn't need to be reminded of the secret she'd buried so deep in her heart and subconscious that she still couldn't admit to herself in that moment.

"What can I do? I feel like a total douche. Let me help in some way. Where's your car?" He looked so sincere.

"I don't have one. I'm traveling with them for two weeks. And now I don't know if I can. I didn't realize that Jake had placed his heart on his sleeve for the whole world to see and that the first person I'd come across would guess that I was the one who broke his heart," she seethed, anger dripping from her words.

"Not everyone would know. I've been following the band for at least five years. I get special invitations like this to write my 'blogglits' as I like to call them. TOAW doesn't do many interviews and they are really selective on the people they allow close to them. I could see the connection only because I'd done my research. You have an opportunity to travel with them for two weeks? Do you know how many people would kill for that chance? But you need to do your research, too."

That made Bella think for a moment and she wiped her nose. She was still angry, but perhaps Eric had a point. She hadn't put as much effort into research on this story because of her background with the guys. She'd taken her friendship for granted. Maybe there was more to the story that some misogynistic lyrics and could dig deeper for a better, juicier story.

"Okay," she acquiesced, reluctantly. "Like what kind of research?"

"Listen to their lyrics. Create a timeline of when they were written and who collaborated on them. That will tell you part of the story. Some songs may be about you, and others may not. Some are just fun songs, and if you listen to them enough, you will be able to tell the difference," Eric explained.

"How do I know you aren't going to write this up on your blog as a juicy tid-bit?" Bella asked, suddenly afraid at the prospect.

"How about I promise not to write about it, if you agree to do proper research and let me proof-read your article before you submit it."

"Why would I let you proof it? I don't need your input," Bella sneered, getting defensive again.

"I didn't say that you did. But if you print something negative or damaging to them, I want to give them a heads up. They've been good to me over the years and I'd want to return the favor." Again, Eric's sincere expression and kind smile diffused her anger. And she really didn't need the world of rock knowing the name behind the woman who prompted the song, _By The Way_. She agreed to his terms before she learned about the songs _Drag me to Hell_ and _Love is Hell_. Eric was going to let her discover those on her own.

"Bella?" Carli's voice called from the door. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Bella said, looking to Eric for help again. What was it about him, she wondered. "I just got a migraine and the music wasn't helping. Eric brought my bag out because I left it on the stage. I was going to try to find my way back to the bus. Can someone help me?"

"Sure," Carli said, and her eyes flashed to Eric. She spoke into a radio that she pulled off the clip fastened to her belt. "Great," she finished. "Alan will be around in less a minute. I'm sorry I can't take you myself."

"It's fine. You've been more than helpful. Sorry to be such a bother," Bella said. She almost meant it, too. Carli had tried to keep her off stage for her own good.

"Eric, thank you for assisting Mrs. Cullen. Do you want to come back inside?" Carli asked. Eric looked at Bella.

"Go ahead, enjoy the rest of the show," Bella urged. "Thank you."

"Cool, yeah," Eric said. The doors shut and blocked out the sound of Paul's voice singing about heavy music being mother fucking therapy.

In the few moments of silence, Bella was able to collect herself a little. She was still a little angry, but she admitted that Jake had some reason to be angry as well. She had run out on him with no explanation. But he said he'd wait for her and Jake never broke his promises. He just needed some time to remember his feelings for her.

Maybe she could help remind him and convince him at the same time. The song did say all he could think about was 'you and me'. She could do this. She could win him back.

She just needed to get past that Carli woman and get an appointment with Jake.

Alone.

* * *

 **A/N: If you're interested in listening to any of the song go to use the regular prefix for YouTube with a backslash and then add the endings I've provided.  
**

 **So if you want to hear the song** ** _By The Way_** **, that Jake sings to Bella, here it is:  
watch?v=8Py8nRJGma0**

 **Here is** ** _Salt in the Wound_** **, it's one of my favorites:  
watch?v=TSxOP-WQrZU**

 **And the chapter title,** ** _Drag Me To Hell_** **. I could only find a funky anime cartoon set to the song, but here it is:  
watch?v=jqdZkCUPUxg**

 **I've already posted a link to** ** _The Bitch Came Back_** **, but here's on to the opening song,** ** _So Happy_** **, that they actually open their concerts with (I have video of it on my phone FROM BACKSTAGE!) well here's that link:  
watch?v=4RaG7moiRAU**

 **Let me know what you think. :)**


	6. Ch 6: Got It Made

**So this chapter is named after the TOAD song,** ** _Got It Made_** **. I'll link at the end of the chapter.**

 **MarinaNamste is my beta. She's awesome. Take a look at her stories. She's the one who inspired me to write a Nessie story.**

 **I'm very excited by the interest in my story. Keep reading, following, and reviewing please. It makes me happy.**

* * *

It wasn't the first time Ness found herself biting into Jake's shoulder to keep quiet. They both lay on their sides facing each other in the small, lower half of the double bunk. Jake always insisted on leaving the small overhead light on so he could see her face. He loved to watch her beautiful face and her stunning body as he pumped in and out of her. He set a slow, tender pace that would take longer, but wind her up better.

"You liked the new song?" he whispered, barely audible because the individual bunks were not sound proof. In and out he moved, slowly, but steadily. Her hand was on his ass, pulling him in to her.

"Yes," she breathed out before she hitched in another breath. "It's honest, and raw. God, Jake!" she moaned the last part a little too loudly. She buried her head in his chest until the compulsion to moan passed. She kissed his pec and moved a little to nibble on his nipple. That was his Achilles heel when it came to producing noises. He moved his thumb to her pearl and circled it until she hissed.

"Shhh," he smiled before he pulled her face up to his so he could kiss her mouth. Her leg was hiked up on his hip which opened her up perfectly to receive all that he wanted to give her. She loved this position best and he knew it. It allowed for him to touch her in all his favorite places without worrying about crushing her. He liked it because he could watch the pleasure he was giving her. He'd spent too long taking pleasure from too many women and he was evening out his karma by giving it all back to Ness.

"Cum for me. Come on, Ness." He slid his hand up from her ass to her full breast where he pinched the little pink bud, knowing it'd push her over the edge. He felt her muscles contract around his dick, so he covered her mouth again to swallow her cry. Her shuddering helped him find his own release which was accompanied by a low groan and a few grunts. Someone would really have to be listening closely to know what was going on in the bottom bunk at the back of the lead tour bus.

They lay there for a long while, just reveling in the quiet of the early morning. The steady hum of the bus motor provided enough ambient noise to cover the sounds of their late rendezvous.

"When did you write that song?" she finally asked, looking into his mocha eyes and moved a stray lock of sweat soaked hair off his forehead.

"Over the past few days. Thinking about her coming here and why. She's only here because she left him and the divorce is almost final. She needs someone to validate her." Ness tried to smooth the worry crease in his forehead with her thumb.

"So what's bothering you?" she finally just asked. They were still connected and he pulled her impossibly closer. They were a tangle of sweaty arms and legs and sheets. He leaned his forehead on hers and closed his eyes. His new song really got him thinking about himself, too.

"Do you think I use you as a crutch?" he finally asked. "I mean, I know I couldn't do this without you. I know it. I wrote that song accusing her of needing too much, but am I guilty of the same thing?" Ness really hated Bella in that moment. She always made him doubt himself.

"Jacob Ephraim Black," she said softly, but sternly, poking her finger into his bare and smooth chest. She slid her hand up to cup his jaw. "We have been over this." He opened his eyes because he knew she wanted him to look at her. "We need each other because of the shit that has been dealt to each of us. However, we are not co-dependent. Yes, I am your crutch during this time, but we planned for it to be so. _We_ invited her here to head off an insane story which had the potential to do a lot of harm. And," she kissed him lightly, "you need to figure some things out so _we_ can move ahead."

"God, I want that so bad!" he breathed out vehemently. He ran his hand up her back. She moved her leg that was wrapped around his hip and it reminded them how close they were in all important ways.

"And when it's time for me to face my demons, I will need you just as much," she confessed for the hundredth time. Jake kissed the tip of her nose and then ran his nose against hers, he never wanted her to have to face her demons, he hated that she even had demons to face, but he'd be there with her when the time came too.

"Bella is her own demon. I can't keep protecting her from herself." Ness looked deep into those brown eyes and saw resolve, but not remorse. It'd taken him a long to be able to say that. Ness raised her hand to his jaw and ran her thumb over his bottom lip.

"I love your therapist," she smiled. He returned it with another small kiss. He rolled over a bit, pressing his hard body against hers. Ness could feel him twitch back to life.

"Dr. Gerandy is great," Jake agreed, nibbling down her neck. "He's probably vacationing at the lake house Paul and I indirectly paid for." He growled playfully and Ness giggled. They heard pounding on the thin wall that separated the bunks which meant they'd woken and annoyed Embry.

"What is his deal?" Ness whispered. She'd noticed the tension between them after the show.

"He thinks I was rude to Bella," Jake scoffed.

"What? By looking at her while you sang a song that featured her?" Ness asked not so quietly. She kicked the wall in response. "What the fuck, Embry?" Ness had had enough of tip toing around Bella Swan fuckin' Cullen. She knew it was a necessary evil to have her there, but Ness had stored up her frustration at the selfish bitch all day long. Ness thought Jake singing directly to her was the first reality check Bella'd had in years. And Embry thought he was rude to Bella? Did he forget about the fuck and run she'd pulled on Jake that began this whole mess? Ness lifted her clenched fist, moving to beat on the wall again.

"Stop!" Jake hushed with a chuckle. He loved that she stuck up for him. "You know he'll climb over here to give you a piece of his mind and I really don't want him in the same bed while you're naked."

"Shut the fuck up!" Embry yelled.

Jake was quick to stifle Ness's anger by rolling over onto her and stopping her mouth with a kiss. He pressed his heat back into her and it wasn't long before Ness forgot what she'd been upset about. She wasn't going to be quiet this go around, though. Everyone had heard everyone having sex before and being as quiet as possible was a mere consideration. Embry had lost any consideration she'd given him earlier by being a dick.

…

"Fuck, Emmett! Are you trying to kill me?" Jake groaned as he turned the tractor tire over again. "Did Paul get it this bad?"

"Paul got it real good," Emmett chuckled. "Get your ass in gear. You're the one who wanted abs of steel, remember?" Emmett was just as big and brawny as Jake and knew how hard he was pushing his friend.

"I got the girl. I think we can back off now," Jake grunted through his last rep. He always complained during his workouts and took it all back during the endorphin high.

"But you have another chick to make jealous. I heard that was the goal?" Emmett grinned. Jake dropped the tire.

"Where'd you hear that?" Jake asked. "You gossip worse than a fuckin' woman." He wanted to make sure his feelings for Bella were manageable. He didn't want to cause more grief.

"Relax, brother. I'm just teasing you. You grunt the name Bella when you're punching the bag. Paul mentioned she was here. If you would have kept your appointment earlier this morning, you could have beat the gossiping son of a bitch." Fucking Paul. Jake decided he needed to teach Paul a lesson.

"I had a late night," Jake grunted as he lifted the tire on its side again. He'd talked Paul into taking the early workout after he and Ness spent most of the early morning keeping his heart rate up.

"I heard about that, too," Emmett guffawed. "You made one angry and one really horny." Jake shook his head at the thought. He knew he'd made Embry angry. Quil was sleeping with Claire, so he was satisfied. That meant Seth or Paul took matters into their own hands.

"Fuck off," Jake said out loud. "Are we done? I really need a shower."

"Sure. Strength training following intense aerobic activity can leave one rather ripe."

"Jealous?" Jake quipped.

"Hell, no!" Emmett said. "My girl and I have a private place where I can make her scream and no one cares." So did Jake and Ness, but not while they were on tour.

"How is Rosalie? I'm sure she likes you telling that to everyone."

"She don't care. As long as I keep her satisfied." Emmett thumped Jake on the back. "We're done, man. You did better than I thought you would. Or is that just because your chica's spying on you?"

"What?" Jake asked, his head shooting up to look. Emmett nodded towards where the busses were parked. Bella stood leaning against the third bus watching them. Jake could tell she was being obvious. Jake shifted his low slung athletic shorts and wiped the sweat off his forehead with the back of his forearm. He could feel her eyes on him as he stood there shiny and shirtless in the hot Texas sun.

"You gonna tap that?" Emmett asked, when Jake finally turned around to pick up his water bottle. Jake didn't say anything. It was a stupid fucking question. Emmett knew better and he was only trying to get a rise out of Jake.

"She's here to write a story," he finally muttered.

"So give her something to write about." Emmett's smirk started to irritate Jake.

"Do you always think with just your dick?"

"There was a time when that question wouldn't have offended you and the answer would have been yes," Emmett explained.

"Yeah."

"I like this Jake better," Emmett said. Jake looked up and Emmett's face was serious. It was a rare expression for him, so Jake was a little taken back. "Don't fuck this up."

"I won't," Jake replied. "Why do you think you were flown out here on the same day?" Cross training was a much better outlet than alcohol or sex which had become Jake's go-to solutions.

"Good. You're not going fuck with her head, are you?" he said nodding towards Bella who was still unapologetically staring at them. "I know she fucked you up for a long time, but—"

"I'm not going to fuck with her head. I'm going to be honest. I'm just not quite ready yet. She can deal with things on my timeline for once." Jake took one more glance over at Bella who didn't look like she was going to skulk away. "Come on, help me get this tire back to the equipment truck."

….

"Thanks, Brady," Jake said to the roadie who had helped them load the tire back up onto the truck. "How's the wife?"

"Still pregnant, but tour ends before the baby's due, so I'll be home to go to the birthing classes with her." Jake smiled at the kid. He was so young and so excited to start his family. He'd married her right out of high school and was one of the few kids that was completely devoted to her, despite the temptations of the touring lifestyle.

"Jake?" He knew that voice. She wasn't supposed to approach him. Her contract stated times for meetings would be set up. But he also knew she'd ignore it. He didn't respond.

"Jake, I think that woman wants to talk to you," Brady said. He couldn't be mad at the kid. He was too young to know the history or who Bella was.

"Jake, come on. At least look at me," Bella pleaded again. Jake let his eyes fall shut and took a deep breath.

"Brady, can you go find Ness and tell her I've been delayed and I'll be with her in about 5 minutes?" Jake asked. He hoped it would tell Bella that he wasn't going to give her much time. Brady looked at him oddly for a moment, but nodded and did what he was told. Jake slowly turned around.

"You want me to leave?" Emmett asked. Jake shook his head. Emmett folded his arms across his chest. Emmett wasn't just his trainer, he served as a body guard as well.

Jake finally let his eyes move to Bella and worked to keep his face impassive. He took her in. She was still beautiful. She was even more beautiful. She was polished, even. Too, polished, though. She wasn't the Bella he knew anymore. She was professional and refined. He'd fallen in love with the casual and down to earth Bella. He figured he could have a conversation with pant-suit Bella because she was nothing like the Bella he'd fallen in love with.

"Yes? I'm looking at you," he stated after she didn't say anything. She looked flummoxed.

"Well, I…" she looked up at him and he saw hurt in her eyes. She was upset at his cold greeting. What did she expect? The last time he'd seen her, other than just in passing at very few family functions, was after she'd taken his virginity and the left town with Cullen the same day. Did she expect him to pull her into a hug and forget all of that?

"What do you want, Bella? I have things to do."

"Who's Ness?" Bella blurted out. Jake smiled, but it wasn't with humor. The anger that surged through his body could come out in many different ways and he chose the safest. She had no right to ask him that he could hear the jealousy in her tone.

"None of your business," Emmett answered for him. "Tell him what you need to tell him. We're on a schedule." There was a reason Jake paid Emmett the big bucks.

"I… ah… I only wanted to know if you could postpone your business with 'Ness' because I was wondering if we could… you know, have an interview," she stammered, and bit into her bottom lip.

"All interviews get scheduled through Carli or Alan. You know that," Jake said. "It was part of the agreement, which you're breaking right now," his tone remained cool and detached.

"Jake, aren't we a little too familiar for written contracts?" her voice was soft with a touch of pleading.

"No, Mrs. Cullen, we are not." Jake watched as she blanched at the use of her married name. "We used to be, but you blew that when you ran off and then took _his_ name. And you know that, too." That hit the spot, Jake thought.

"I won't be Mrs. Cullen for long," Bella said in a small voice. And for a moment he saw the broken Bella from years and years ago. That was the Bella he couldn't refuse. It also scared him. He wasn't ready for old Bella to resurface.

"No, my appointment cannot be postponed. We _work_ here, Bella. We run a tight ship on a strict schedule. I know Embry has some free time this afternoon, do you want me to send him to your bus for the first interview? He seems eager enough to help you with your story. I'm not quite there yet. I need a few days," he offered. Her eyes shifted between his. He could tell she was looking for the old Jake. _Her Jacob_ , as she called him so many years ago. He wasn't hers anymore.

"Yes, that sounds fine," she said, looking away. The broken Bella was gone and professional Bella was back.

"Great. Do you need help finding your bus?" Jake asked softening a little. He wanted to be cold, but not a dick.

"No. Carli told me how to differentiate," Bella answered, her mouth drawing into a pout.

"Yeah, she's a big help around here. You need to schedule things through her. I'll tell her about Embry, though and have her set it up," Jake offered. "Don't forget to wear your security badge so you don't get kicked out by security. The guys don't know you."

"I won't," she promised. He looked at her for a moment longer.

"Jake," she started and looked over at Emmett and then back at Jacob. Their eyes met and her pleading browns communicated with his. She was hurting, and there was a part of him, though buried deep under pain and anger and hate, there was a part of him that wanted to make it better.

"What, Bells?"

"I miss you."

"I know," Jake said. He watched as she realized that he did not return her sentiments. Her face crumbled a little as he turned on his heel and walked towards his own bus.

* * *

 **A/N: So the only vid I could find was a live performance, but you get to see Tyler Connolley in pure form. I think he's my long lost brother. I'm actually using his guitars to describe Jake's guitars. There's a vid on his site where he explains them all. Oh, and see him flipping picks? I got one of Dean's-the bass player. He's the good looking one on the right with the beard. (Remember to put the www dot you tube dot com backslah beofre the rest of the link I provided)  
**

 **watch?v=pZhx9cXisbk**

 **Here's a link where you can actually understand the words:**

 **watch?v=vNkz4BTQRh0**

 **Okay, I'm totally fangirling and I'll stop.**

 **Let me know what you think of this chapter.**


	7. Ch 7: Hello Lonely

**A/N: Oh funny, funny _guest reviewer_. You make me smile so much. Yes, you are correct: there is no way I am going to be able to please both the Nessie and Bella fans. I'm not even going to try. What I do hope I do is create meaningful characters that people CARE about. Looks like I've done that. I hate my Bella. I really do, especially in this part of my story. But hating her means there is emotion there. Hopefully my story will be worth the emotional roller coaster I'm hoping to take you on. I'm obviously taking you on one...you care enough to comment and to get upset with other reviewers. They're entitled to their opinion just as you are entitled to yours.**

 **I'll say it again without giving away my plot and end couples: This will be a HEA because I am American and we like our HEAs. It may not be the HEA YOU the reader hopes for (depending on whether you're team Ness or team Bella), but lessons will be learned and all will be at peace. The feedback I need is whether or not I was successful in creating enough love and sympathy for the different players. You may not think so until the end, and the last few chapters are when I'll need the most feedback. I am currently writing Chapter 16 and very nearly finished. (I got that hint, Marina. She's my beta, btw.)**

 **Oh, and for some reason (I hope that it was clear for most of you) there seems to be some confusion about the Ness/Carli thing. She is indeed the same person. One reviewer commented that she thought that might be the case. I thought it was obvious. Should I go back and make it more clear?**

 **One question I have for you writers/readers out there: how is my use of third person? Can you tell that each chapter has a POV, but it's still third person? I'm not sure I like using it this way. I feel like I'm slipping into first person sometimes...I don't know. I'd love to hear what you have to say about that.**

 **Anyway, here we go: (Bella POV)**

* * *

The buses pulled into the venue in Dallas, Texas around 9:00 a.m. and she knew she'd have the rest of the morning and afternoon to spend researching. She listened to their songs while reading along with the lyrics. She got to some songs that were particularly painful because she _knew_ they were about her. _Drag Me to Hell_ was quite possibly the hardest.

 _Get it through your head  
Our love is dead  
I don't think about you  
No, I don't think about you anymore_

She needed air, so Bella stepped off the bus in the most casual ensemble she'd brought with her. It was still a pair of linen slacks paired with a silk blouse. She wondered if maybe she could go for a quick shopping trip.

The air was still hot in Dallas, but not nearly as humid as Houston. Bella was careful to take note of the bus she exited and where it was parked. She didn't want to have to be walked back to her bus tonight. Unless it was with Jake alone. She was going to get him _alone_ to talk to him. She thought that Carli was supposed to sleep on that bus with her, but she must be up early because Bella hadn't seen her that morning.

She walked around the bus to the most beautiful scene she'd seen in a long, long time. Jake was in the lot behind the venue turning a tractor tire over end to end. The big guy with him must have been his trainer. Bella was at a complete loss for words. She'd thought his tight shirt last night left nothing to the imagination, but she was wrong. She could not have imagined him ever looking like the tanned Hercules in a Dallas parking lot. It took her breath away and she leaned against the bus for support.

Bella had to get him back. Eric had mentioned that someone had helped him through rehab. She didn't even know he'd been to rehab. That made the song mean more to her. She'd memorized the most painful part.

 _'cause God can't save you from all your sins  
When you threw your life away you let the devil in  
No, I can't save you, I know you too well  
Like everyone and everything you drag me, you drag me to hell_

He really had been through hell. She had to make it up to him. She could do that now that she knew her own heart. She knew who she wanted and Edward was no longer a threat to them being together.

She saw both the men look over at her. She'd been caught staring and decided to stay put. She wanted Jake to know she wanted him. She had no need to hide that.

…

She thought about her first exchange with Jake while the warm water ran down her body. The little bathroom on the bus was well stocked, but she knew she shouldn't use all the water. Her mind kept running over the exchange. He was so cold—almost robotic. She needed to find out who that 'Ness' was. That was the only thing that worried her. When she asked he didn't answer. He just smiled.

But he called her Bells.

His cold surface had cracked. And it didn't matter who Ness was and it didn't matter how many songs spoke about the pain he'd endured. She was here and he'd called her Bells.

She shut the water off and toweled dried her body. She had no idea what she wanted to wear because all the clothes she brought were completely inappropriate for where she was and what she was doing. It was yet another glaring indication on how much she'd changed herself to become a Cullen. Bella wrapped a large fluffy towel around herself and stepped out of the bathroom right as someone rapped on the door.

"Bella? It's Embry." Bella looked down at herself. She didn't have time to get totally dressed. But the towel was huge and covered more than many of her dresses. She shrugged her shoulders at herself and went to answer the door.

"Hey, Embry!" she said as she cracked the door.

"Can I come in? I come bearing gifts," he held up a box addressed to her.

"Ah, yeah," Bella stammered and backed up revealing her predicament. "I just got out of the shower and I couldn't decide what to wear. But come on in and I'll get changed."

"You don't have to go changing for me," Embry grinned as he stepped up into the bus. Bella smiled. Embry was always saying goofy things like that. It made her blush and feel good about herself all at the same time.

"Here," Embry brought her attention back to the box in this hands, "Carli said this was delivered today and asked me to bring it to you. Who sent you a gift?"

"I don't know," Bella replied just as curious as Embry. She took the box from him, temporarily forgetting she was clad only in a towel. She set the box on the table and tried pry the flaps of the box open. After a few attempts, she grunted in frustration.

"Here," Embry said, standing next to her. His arm brushed hers as he pulled the tape back in one swift movement.

"Thanks!" Bella said, her voice bubbled with excitement. She picked up the note on top of the tissue paper.

"What's it say?" Embry asked as she unfolded the paper.

"Even Hillary would wear jeans to a rock concert. Hope these fit so that you're a better fit," Bella read aloud and smiled.

"Who's Eric?" Embry read over her shoulder.

"He's the blogger who sat next to me at the concert last night." Bella smiled at the memory of how helpful Eric had been. She pulled out two pair of jeans, a pair of purple converse, and a worn old Theory of a Wolfman concert tee.

"Yeah, I remember that guy. He's pretty good. Wow," Embry said, "That's a vintage shirt. That brings back some memories."

"Well," Bella said, pulling her lip between her teeth, "let me go try them on and then you can tell me all about it." Bella literally skipped back to her little compartment to try on her gifts.

She'd never liked gifts and surprises. She didn't like the expectation of gratitude with each surprise and the gifts she'd received over the last decade had _all_ been laced with expectations. She never lived up to them and she always disappointed the giver. She'd always felt it was best just not to receive gifts and it became another point of contention.

But this gift from Eric was wholly unexpected. And she didn't feel any expectations associated with it other than for her to feel comfortable and to fit in. She'd have to see if Carli would give her Eric's information so she could thank him.

The jeans fit like a glove. She'd slid on a pair of boy shorts and a matching bra she bought in a fit of rebellion when Edward expressed his dislike for new women's lingerie. She pulled the t-shirt over her head and loved that it was too big. For the first time in a very long time she felt…normal.

"Look at you!" Embry called, when she finally emerged, pulling her damp hair on top her head in a messy bun. "That's the Swan I remember. Come 'ere." Embry opened his arms. Bella walked right into them and hugged him back.

"Thank you, Embry," she said after a few moments.

"For what? I didn't give you anything," Embry chuckled.

"You're being nice to me," she hiccuped to cover a small sob.

"Have people been rude?" Embry asked, pulling away. His voice was terse and defensive. It warmed her heart that he was that concerned.

"No, Embry. Not rude." Bella took a seat at the table and Embry followed her lead. "Just distant. I can't expect anything different. I've hurt some feelings over the years." She peeked up at him from under her lashes to see him looking at her, his face full of concern.

"Well, people change, Bella. I believe that. I've seen it with my own eyes traveling with these guys. They need to be a bit more forgiving, because none of us are angels."

"Again, thanks," Bella said. "Do you want something to eat or drink? This place is totally stocked."

"Naw, I just had lunch. I see you've been researching," Embry said pointing to her phone and headphones. Her laptop screen was covered with lyrics of songs in different windows.

"So you don't do many interviews I heard," Bella said, grabbing herself a ready-made salad from the fridge and a diet coke.

"No, most reporters ask the same damn boring questions. 'What process do you use to write your music?' 'What's your inspiration?' It's the same god damn shit every time. Carli allows that Eric guy," he pointed to her clothes, "access every now and then. He's now my favorite blogger seeing how he made you so happy." Bella grinned and almost blushed.

"So you don't like those questions?" Bella smiled, mixing the salad dressing through her greens.

"They're just so boring. No one really wants to know that shit. And the shit people do want to know is none of their fucking business," Embry finished.

"Ah, there's the crux. You're celebrities, what did you expect?" Bella asked, before sticking a fork full of lettuce in her mouth.

"Well, I don't think we ever set out to be celebrities. We were just a couple of guys playing songs in Jake's garage. We caught on in Port Angeles and then Seattle. We never planned this or expected it. Besides, our songs tell our stories. I hate the questions because if people just listen to what we're saying they'd know the answers to their inane questions."

Bella looked down at her new shoes. She'd been guilty of everything Embry had just explained because those were the exact questions she was going to ask and she hadn't listened to most of their songs.

"Yeah. I confess I didn't do much research before getting here. But your songs are just, well, they're a lot deeper than I originally thought."

"Really? How so?" Embry smiled, picking a tomato out of her salad and popping it in his mouth.

"You know why I'm here. Alice told me you all knew." Bella shooed him away from her salad with her fork.

"Yeah, but I want to hear you say it," Embry said, showing her the tomato between his teeth before biting down on it. Bella smiled at Embry's goading. This was the real-ist conversation she'd had in as long as she could remember. Even Alice never really listened to her like she had anything important to say.

"Okay, I thought you only wrote shallow misogynistic lyrics set to harsh tunes so you could make tons of money and get laid," Bella admitted.

"Well we do write shallow songs and the money is nice, though we like to spread it around a little. And the women, well some of us are permanently attached, but some of us are still open to some fun with willing and available ladies." Embry winked at her.

"Wow, did you just wink at me?" Bella asked. Bella had learned how to flirt and get what she needed. But flirting with Embry was different. It made her feel good.

"I've always had a soft spot for you, you know that," Embry said, throwing on the charm. Bella never knew whether or not to take him seriously.

"And you think I'm willing and available?" she smiled back at him.

"I know you're available. I'm just hoping you're willing." His grin revealed his sexy dimple and he waggled his eyebrows at her.

Bella giggled feeling the lightest she had in years. New clothes, new shoes, and flirty Embry made her feel sixteen again. She looked down at the salad she was eating and let her fork drop.

"Do you guys really eat this kind of stuff?" Bella asked pointing her half eaten greens. "Or was this just bought for me?"

"Well, Paul and Jake have this mean ass trainer and they eat heavy protein, but they eat burgers and shit, too. Do you want something more substantial?" Embry asked.

"Yeah. You got something in mind?" Bella grinned.

"Sure. There's all these food trucks out behind the venue. They're fuckin' fantastic! Come on, I'll show you." Bella suddenly got excited. She followed Embry out of the bus and out the back of the lot. He was right, there were at least seven or eight food trucks lined up, all serving different foods.

"What are you in the mood for?" Embry asked. "The BBQ is amazing, and we are in Texas. So it'd be a good idea to try it. But the taco truck is amazing, too."

"What about the pizza?" Bella asked eyeing the truck in the middle boldly painted like the Italian flag and a clock that looked like a pizza. _Itza timea for soma pizza!_ was emblazoned across the back half.

"Shit, I haven't tried that one. But Jake loves it. He's already told Emmett to go to hell because he's eating a whole one before the show." Bella's heart lurched at the mention of Jake's name. Now she really wanted some of the pizza. It made her think of late Saturday afternoons in his garage, fixing motorcycles.

"Let's try it. Oh, wait," Bella remembered, "you just ate lunch." She pouted a little.

"You order what you want and I'll finish what you don't eat. How about that?" Embry offered.

"Deal," Bella agreed. They went to three trucks and she ordered the signature item from each. They found a picnic table and Bella asked her questions. Every once and a while she wrote something down that she didn't want to forget, but for the most part, she was just having a conversation with an old friend and catching up on life.

It was the most carefree she'd been in years. She was eating good food from places that weren't listed in the Zagat. It was casual and fun and good. Embry was true to his word and finished anything Bella couldn't. Bella's belly was full and her sides hurt from laughing. She'd actually uncovered a lot of information that she hadn't even thought to ask. It led her mind in many different directions. There were so many ways she could write this article now.

"What's up?" Bella asked when she saw Embry look down at his phone and frown.

"I gotta go to sound check. I can't blow this off. But I can come back in about an hour," he said.

"No, Embry, go take care of your stuff. You've helped me so much today. I've got a ton of new ideas just from talking to you. You go and do what you normally do before a show. And thank you so much for this afternoon." She captured his gaze and she could see his pleasure and sincerity. How had she giving up all this warm good humor for the cold and calculating Cullen family?

"I'll check on you after the show, okay? I don't want you running off like you did last night," he said. He reached across the table towards her.

"Oh, I wasn't feeling well. But I'm better prepared tonight."

"I know why you weren't feeling well. I've had a talk with him about that," Embry breathed out. She looked at his outstretched hand and longed to reach for it, but she just couldn't. But she didn't want Embry to be upset with Jake, either.

"Oh, Embry. It's alright. I know the songs now and won't be caught off guard even if he does look at me." Bella's hands twisted in her lap. She was sure that she could handle it tonight. She was going to show Jacob that she could take his anger. She deserved it. She could let him get rid of all of it and then they could start over. It'd be like, lancing a wound, she thought. They just needed to get all the infection out, and things would be sore while they healed. But eventually, they be as good as new. Better even.

"Okay. Well, let's get back past security and then I'll take you where you want to go," Embry offered.

"Can I talk to the roadies?" Bella asked, sounding a little excited. "I won't bother them or keep them from their work."

"I don't see a problem with that," Embry answered. "I'll tell N…er Carli where you'll be so you aren't late for the show."

"Great," Bella said, not noticing Embry's almost-slip. Then, before she knew what she was doing, she reached out and squeezed Embry's hand. "Thank you for this afternoon. I had more fun than I thought possible." She thought she saw a blush creep up Embry's neck. It was hard to see under his caramel skin.

"No problem, Bella. See you soon," he promised.

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 **A/N: So? Use of 3rd person this chapter and the previous? Guest reviewer, thoughts? Any others?**


	8. Ch 8: Me and My Girl

**A/N: Wow! It's been a busy week. I didn't even notice that I haven't updated in over a week.**

 **Thanks to all the people who have added this story (and me) to their follow/favorite list. It makes the heart feel good.**

 **Thanks to MarinaNamaste for her beta genius and her patience. I'm okay, Love. I've just been busy.**

 **Here we go.**

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"VIP group only has about twenty tonight, guys, so it should go pretty quickly," Ness announced, looking at her clipboard. "And it's inside, so we won't wilt in the heat like we did yesterday."

"Is Bella in that group?" Embry asked looking straight at Jake to gauge his reaction.

"Ah, no. She said she wants to hang out in the crowd and ask them questions," Ness answered without looking up. "But she wants to know if she can meet with Quil tomorrow and Seth?" Ness looked up to see if Seth was in the greenroom.

"Yeah?" Seth strode in carrying Jake's white guitar and handed it to him. "I changed the strings like you asked. Let me know what you think," Seth said to Jake before turning to Ness.

"Can you meet with Bella tomorrow morning? Embry interviewed with her today and she said she'd really like to talk to you next." Ness was trying to cut off Embry's obvious attempt to make Jake angry by mentioning Bella. They'd decided after his run in this morning to just approach it as business as usual. And Ness thought Jake was doing a good job.

"Sure. Any subjects I should avoid?" Seth asked. Ness loved Seth so much. Always diplomatic and kind. He was headed back out the door to grab Embry's bass. He was efficient even if he was a bit of a man-whore.

"No, just tell your own story and let everyone do the same. Talk to Embry and see how his went." Ness looked up at a surprised Embry and smiled inwardly. She'd diffused the bomb. If he thought he could rile Jake up by making her uncomfortable, he had another thing coming. She gave no other instructions or advice. They all knew what could and shouldn't be said. And even if Embry was being a little bit of douche, he knew better than to blab too much about shit that wasn't his.

"How was your interview today?" Ness ventured a little further. Her eyes flicked to Jake who was concentrating on playing his guitar with the new strings.

"Good," Embry said a little too loudly. "It was really casual and more like a date. I never realized how different someone could be in some ways, while they stay exactly the same in others."

"Like how you'll always be an annoying prick," Paul said from the couch. Quil laughed and dropped his drumstick.

"Fuck you!" Embry said. "Where's Claire?" Embry asked turning his attention to Quil.

"The three of them are spending the pre-show with Bella while we go to the meet and greets," Quil replied like they were all really interested.

"Did you tell her I'm sorry for being such a jerk yesterday?" Jake asked, lightly strumming the new strings. The metallic twang softly reverberated through the greenroom.

"Yeah. She said she understands. You can tell her yourself during the preshow, though," Quil smiled.

"I think that's a great idea," Ness added, sending Jake a subtle message. She grinned at him and he smirked back.

"Okay," Jake acquiesced. They all knew he was shit at apologies and they all loved to rub it in when he actually offered them. But Ness knew it was his next hurtle with Dr. Gerandy.

Sam's garbled voice erupted from the radio on Ness's belt. "Okay, guys, it's time for the meet and greets," Ness said. "Follow me."

"Where the fuck is my soda?" Paul said as the others headed towards the door. "Ness, didn't you add grape soda to the riders?"

"Yes. And I checked before you all came in. There's none in there?" Ness asked, perplexed. She looked over at Jake who was smirking a little and then headed out the door.

"FUCK!" Paul's voice echoed as the others walked down the hallway.

"Did you have to do that right before the meet and greet?" Ness whispered to Jake. "Couldn't wait until after?" Jake handed his guitar off to Seth again as they exited the room. Seth smirked at Jake who winked back.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he rumbled in her ear before placing a light kiss right below it.

"If he's rude or surly to the VIPs, then I'm telling and you're going to have to apologize to Paul, too," she threatened as she pushed him away.

"I ask for one measly thing," Paul complained as he caught up with them. "One fucking, measly, god damn thing. I want fucking grape soda. It's not fucking heroin. It's not even pot. I want a fucking Fanta and it's gone."

"Maybe your herbalist got rid of them," Quil offered. He'd missed the exchange between Ness and Jake. "I heard him tell you to lay off the carbonated beverages."

"Quil Ateara, I am about to shove that drumstick so far up your ass it will protrude out of your hand from the inside and you'll never drop it again," Paul warned in a low grumble.

"Do it anyway," Embry said. "It can only help."

Jake laughed as Ness opened the door to the room with waiting fans. It almost felt normal.

Almost.

…

Alan ran the rest of the meet and greet and Ness rushed off to see if Bella needed anything and how Claire and her friends were doing. She stopped just around the corner when she heard their voices.

"So you're not sure if he's attached or not?" Bella asked. Ness's heart pounded in her chest. They didn't want Bella to know about Jake and her just yet. The whole band all agreed it'd be way too awkward. But Ness didn't even know if Bella was talking about Jake to Claire and her friends. Bella could have been talking about Embry or Seth. Ness decided she needed to calm down and breathe.

"No, I don't know," Claire answered, hesitantly. "I never see him with anyone unfamiliar, but that doesn't mean anything. Sam and Paul refuse to bring their wives on tour. Paul's wife got in a fight with a groupie a few years ago. Paul hadn't even done anything to lead the bitch on and Rachel went all ape shit."

"Rachel?" Bella asked. "His wife's name is Rachel?" Ness could hear Bella putting facts together.

"Yeah, silly. You didn't know that? I thought you were from Forks. He's married to Jake's sister," Amy said.

"I am from Forks, but I haven't been home in a long time," Bella admitted. "That had to be in just in the past few years, right?"

"Yeah," Brittany added, "It caused a huge stink because Jake, like, beat the shit out of Paul when he found out. But then Paul, like, wrote a song, and suddenly everything was all better and Jake was all better."

"It wasn't that simple," Claire said, rolling her eyes. "Quil said it was like hell for a month in the recording studio because Jake refused to be in the same room as Paul and they had to record their tracks separately at opposite times. Then, Jake heard the song that Paul was recording and they had a little pow wow."

Ness rolled her eyes at the dramatics. Jake didn't want his sister dating a heroin addict, and Jake had seen Paul at his worst. It took some sessions of therapy and a vehement promise from Paul that he would never cheat on his sister with Jake's promise to tell her if Paul ever did. After Jake kicked his ass and Paul readily agreed. He told Jake that if he ever cheated on Rachel he'd _want_ someone to beat the stupidity out of him.

But Paul was a changed man. Except his addiction to grape soda, apparently. Ness had heard enough and wanted to head off sharing any other information that Bella didn't need to know quite yet.

"Hey girls," Ness said as she came around the corner. "How's everything going?" Ness looked at Bella who looked completely different from the previous day. She'd spoken to Bella on the phone today, but Alan and Embry had actually been the ones to see her and take her where she needed to go.

"Great." "Good." "Awesome." The three girls said together.

"Hey," Bella added, "Do you have Eric Yorkie's information. I really need to thank him for the package he sent." Ness was taken aback as Bella gestured to her new clothes that helped Bella look way more relaxed and human.

"So that's what was in the box?" Ness smiled. "Sure thing. I don't think he'd mind if I gave you his number and email address." Ness immediately pulled out her phone and texted the information directly to Bella's phone. "I can get you some more concert tees as well," she offered.

"That'd be great!" Bella said. "Actually, there is one other thing. I hate to keep asking because you've done so much for me already." Bella bit into her bottom lip.

"What?" Ness asked, a little fear crawling into her heart. She didn't want to have to schedule an appointment with Jake just yet.

"Do you think it would be possible to rent a car to go shopping tomorrow? The schedule says Oklahoma City, so there has to be some good places to get some clothes. I need more casual items," Bella smiled. Ness's heart was relieved and the rate finally slowed to a normal pace.

"Sure. That'll be easy. I have a car service on retainer. You tell me what time you want to leave and I'll have a car here to take you where you want to go. I wish you would have told me earlier. Dallas has much better shopping than Oklahoma City," Ness said.

"Actually, I think I'll like the smaller city better. I don't want the big, fancy stores. I just want simple stuff. Normal stuff." Ness considered Bella for a few beats. She was already vastly different from the woman she'd picked up 24 hours ago at the Houston airport. Ness didn't like it. Well, she liked this less arrogant version of Bella, but Ness had a feeling of dread creep over her. This was more like the Bella Jake had fallen for so many years ago. This was more like the Bella who had broken him.

Claire and her friends were giggling behind Bella. "Do you think we could tag along?" Claire asked. "We get bored just sitting around during the day."

"And I want to get something new for Bob," Amy giggled. Once again, Ness suppressed the urge to roll her eyes. Bob was a roadie that she'd obviously hooked up with. Bob wouldn't notice what she wore in the least. He was probably just glad to have the same girl three nights in a row. It meant he didn't have to go trolling after the show and he could get right down to business.

"I don't mind," Bella smiled towards them. Bella looked back at Ness.

"Great," Ness said. "I'll set it up. You girls ready to get to the green room?"

"Sure," Claire giggled.

"Not me," Amy said. "I want to hang out with Bella and watch her ask questions in the crowd."

"Why?" Brittany asked with a truly confused look on her face.

"Because it's cool. Maybe I want to be a reporter," she said to her friend, sounding a little offended.

"Well, I'm not really a reporter, but I don't mind if you tag along. You've been to more concerts than me, so maybe you can help me understand some things," Bella said with a smile.

"Oh, well that sounds like fun," Brittany amended. "It'd be more fun than watching Claire make out with Quil before the show anyway."

"Hey," Claire called with a smile. She knew her friends were only giving her trouble. "But I do plan on doing just that and if you're with them, then I won't have to feel guilty about neglecting you." Again, Ness suppressed the urge to roll her eyes.

"Okay, well then I'll take Claire to the greenroom and Alan!" Ness called as she saw him jut out of a room. He smiled and walked quickly towards them. "Can you take these three ladies to the concert area and make sure they have passes to get back past security when the concert's over?"

"Sure thing, Ms. Mason," Alan said. "Hey Claire-bear," he smiled at his sister. "Please follow me, ladies." Ness was so grateful that they'd hired Alan and he was working out so well. He was such a big help and he made Ness's job so much easier.

"I really love your bother, Claire. He's such a hard worker and so nice," Ness said.

"Oh, that's so nice of you to say," Claire said. "He struggled so much back at home because he's, you know, different. But traveling with you guys and being around people who really don't care that people are, you know, different, has really helped him." Ness smiled back to the discussion not too long ago about whether or not Alan was gay. Quil was adamant that he wasn't and here Claire was admitting that he was—even if she could say the actual word. It reemphasized how to her how difficult it must really be for him if his own sister couldn't even say the word "gay."

"Well, we're all a little different, Claire. No one here is in any position to judge someone else. I'm glad he feels like he fits in with our brand of different," Ness couldn't help but smile at the young girl. She really did make Quil happy and if he could learn to not get distracted by her when she was on stage, she could sit in the VIP seats.

"I'm sorry I misjudged you at first," she said, right as they got to the greenroom door. Ness gave her a confused look and Claire smiled. "I didn't like you very much because I thought you were trying to keep me and Quil apart. But Alan explained to me that it's your job to make sure that all the band members are doing what they should and when they should. And then he explained how difficult that really is. Then Jake admitted to being the one who said that I can't sit on stage and why." Claire's blue eyes got big and round as she continued on. "I just thought you were jealous for a while. And that made me jealous. But Quil is mine and I know that. And then Alan told me that you've got a boyfriend anyway. So, I'm sorry that I thought badly of you earlier."

Ness couldn't help but smile. Claire thought Ness was after Quil for a while. Well bless her little heart.

"I am rather attached to my boyfriend, Claire. And I understand your feelings. My boyfriend is a musician, too, and I know how many girls throw themselves at them. But I can tell you that Quil only has eyes for you and I have not had to shoo any girls away from him since he's been with you." Claire's beaming smile said it all.

"I like you, Ness. But can you tell me why some people call you Carli?" Ness's heart dropped because only a few moments earlier Bella'd been here.

"It's my professional name and Ness is used only by my friends. The band and roadies know I am Ness, but venue people and _reporters_ only know me as Carli. I like it that way. But feel free to call me Ness." Claire's eyes widened in understanding; Ness didn't have to explain about Bella.

"It's such a strange name. Is it short for something?" Claire asked.

"Renesmee," she answered, rolling her eyes. "My mother insisted on combining two family names to avoid hard feelings. Carli is my middle name and another combination, but it sounds more normal and professional."

"Well, then I'll call you Ness unless I'm in front of venue people or reporters," she smiled. Ness's heart melted a little as her love for Quil's beloved expanded there.

"You're a good addition to our group, Claire-bear," Ness said, using Alan's name for her while taking her hand giving her a gentle squeeze. "Quil is so much happier now that he has you. Come on, let's go in so you can see him," Ness motioned, pulling her into the room.

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 **A/N: So the whole grape soda thing was an after thought AFTER the chapter had been beta'd. I love writing Paul and it actually adds to the plot a little later.**

 **Let me know what you think. I'm always interested. Any predictions? Bella's gettin' more casual. Is that going to be worrisome, or are Ness's concerns unfounded?**


	9. Ch 9: Out Of My Head

**A/N: Hey y'all! I felt so loved last week. I didn't get many reviews the day I posted and figured it was because it was a pretty boring chapter. Then, the next day I got a TON! So thank you for the response. They made me feel good. The people who don't like Ness make me smile. Not because I think you're wrong, rather, I just don't understand it. I love hearing from you because you're making me see something in my story I never had. And I wrote it. Keep your comments coming. I hope I please all of you in the end.**

 **Thanks to MarinaNamaste for the beta and ideas. She really helps round out my writing.**

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"Hey Paul! I found your grape soda!" Jake called, hiding the smirk. Jake wanted to have a good set so he thought he should let Paul have at least one soda before they went on. The meet and greet hadn't gone so well because Paul was one grumpy mother fucker.

"Fuck, yeah!" Paul called and ran up behind him to look. There in the mini fridge, hidden behind the door, was a six pack of Fanta—grape flavored.

"Your herbalist—" Quil started. Claire shushed him from his lap.

"You fuckin' start with me Ateara," he said, pushing Jake out of the way, "and you won't be able to father puppies," Paul warned. He grabbed a can and popped the top. He took two gulps after a big slurp, tilting his head back. He closed his eyes, righted his head, and let out an enormous belch.

"God, Paul! You gotta be so crude?" Embry asked. All of them turned their heads to look at Embry, including Seth who'd just walked in carrying Embry's bass. "What?" he asked, looking around at their stunned faces.

"I don't know, dude," Seth answered holding the bass, "not only are you, like, the gassiest person I know, but you're proud of it. I thought you'd congratulate him for that."

"What-the-fuck-ever," Embry mumbled reaching for his instrument. "I just think that maybe we could class up a little bit. Especially if we're going to meet with the public and reporters. If we start back stage, then it won't be such a front when we're with other, you know, people." Embry shook his head, huffing. "Give me my fuckin' bass, Seth," he ordered.

Jake was floored. He didn't know what the fuck just happened to Embry. And, Paul was right there behind him.

"What the fuck are you fucking talking about? You've blown your shit air all across the country and parts of Europe on tour. The fucking fog is so thick in La Push they _ask_ us to leave twice a year just so the trees can grow. What just erupted from _my_ mouth smacked of fruity-grape goodness. What is emitted from your ass," Paul pointed to Embry's ass, "on a regular basis creates toxic hazards guarded by government officials in hazmat suits. So, I would not-so-respectfully ask you to put that fucking rock you're about to throw at my glass house down, then quietly fuck the hell off!" He lifted the can to his lips again, draining it. Then, looking directly at Embry, belched with all the gusto of ten drunken cowboys and blew the air directly into Embry's face.

"You're a fucking pig," Embry sneered, waving the offending air out of his face. Seth and Jake stifled their chuckles, but Quil laughed out loud.

"It takes one to know one," Paul returned.

"Alright boys," Nessie said, bustling into the room, "do you think we can grow up enough to go on stage in a few minutes? Or do you want me to go out and get some doo doo to throw at each other?" Her voice was a mocking childish tone. Jake chuckled. But, when he looked at her and saw she was worried his chuckle faded. He didn't like her worried. Well, she worried all the time, but there was a difference between her normal work-worried face and her, I'm-about-to-have-a-breakdown worried face. He jerked his head toward the door that led to the little private dressing room. She nodded, and her eyes became glassy.

"Seth, I'ma be in there for a few. Get the white ready and I'll just trust you on this one," Jake said handing him the custom painted job he only used on two songs. Seth nodded, taking the guitar. Nessie'd already gone through the door and Jake hurried after her. He could change his shirt while he was in there anyway. Jake closed the door softly behind him and looked at the back of her beautiful form as she stood facing away from him. She was wearing the official TOAW polo with a pair of black stretchy pants. He never understood how she managed to make leggings look professional, but she did. Maybe it was her shoes.

"Ness," he cooed, wrapping her up from behind, "what's wrong?"

"I'm having a weak moment," Ness sniffled. "She wants to meet with you, Jake. You gotta do it soon. I can't take this. _I_ need _you_ to get this over with. I'm sick of the fear that fills me every time I walk around a corner or every time I see her. I'm scared that everything is going to blow up in our face. This is supposed to be on _our_ terms, Jake. Not hers." She leaned her head back and nestled against his neck. "Please, can you just get it over with?" Jake's heart throbbed. Ness was rarely this insecure. This whole plan was to relieve Ness's fears about his feelings for Bella. He had to confront them by confronting her.

"Tomorrow. Set the appointment for tomorrow. I'll see her before I see Emmett, okay? You set it up or have Alan take care of it." He pulled her in tight, his hands wrapping over her smooth stomach and kissed the side of neck softly. He felt her draw in a shaky breath. "You know how this is going to turn out, Ness. You know it. I'm not in love with her anymore. There's only you."

"I know that's what you say, but she's so...sneaky. She's changed so much, Jake. In twenty-four hours, she's almost your old Bella. You're going to see her and remember all the reasons you loved her." Jacob felt her hiccup against his chest. He was afraid of the very same thing. He'd be lying if he said otherwise so he didn't say it. Ness always knew when he was lying. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, instead. He breathed her in and held her tighter.

"Tomorrow. This will all be done tomorrow," he promised. That wasn't a lie. Tomorrow would tell them both if he could move on or not. They stood there for a few more moments, just breathing. Jake could feel Ness pulling in her deep cleansing breaths. She was calming herself down. Finally she spun in his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I don't doubt your love for me," she said, looking up into his eyes. She was always so honest with him. She was getting better with being honest with herself and this little private freak out was a sign of progress. "I just refuse to underestimate the power she had over you. I refuse to underestimate her ability to continue to manipulate you. And you can't either. Promise me you won't underestimate her." Her eyes pleaded with him.

He lifted his hand to pull a stray curl off her forehead. "I won't. But I also don't underestimate her ability to hurt me." His earnest eyes panned hers, swearing a silent oath of his convictions. "Ness, I'm in a much better place. _You_ are the reason for that." He leaned in and kissed the tip of her nose. "I won't forget that, either." She pulled him close to her again.

"Okay," she breathed out, "I'm okay." She pulled back a little to wipe the unshed tears from her eyes. Jake let his hands fall and rest lightly on her hips. The radio on her belt squelched with some order from Sam to a roadie. Suddenly she looked horrorstruck. "Oh, Jake! I'm so sorry! I did this right before you went on stage! Shit!"

"Ness," he said pulling her back in and nuzzling her, "I would have been more worried had you not done this. I need to know that you're okay, or at least telling me when you aren't. This is better. I promise." She just hugged him back.

"Jake, I'm just so..." she didn't finish her sentence, but the resolve hardened in her eyes. She was pulling her walls back up. She had to go back out there and deal with stuff as well as face the one person who could destroy everything they'd spent the last three years building. It'd been a rough ride, too. Jake understood her anxiety. He not only felt it, he shared it. He feared it more than she did. He knew though, that if she felt his fear that, it'd make it worse for her still. He never wanted to make things worse for Ness. It was bad enough that she had to deal with the baggage of his ex.

"I know, honey. Hurricane. We're stepping out of the eye. We know what to expect. We can do this. We've made it through worse. We have," he added in earnest. He wanted to kiss her to reassure her, but she pulled away when Sam's voice called for her.

"I know," she said reaching for her radio. "I just needed one last freak out before I batten down the hatches." She mashed the button on the radio to speak into it. "Almost there, Sam. Give me thirty seconds," she said and then looked up at Jake. "Quick, give me thirty seconds of wonderful," she smiled. He couldn't resist.

Their lips crashed together with a raw urgency that revealed the anxiety on both sides. It also spoke of their mutual love and passion. A kiss like that eased his fears. Even all these years later, Jake never remembered Bella giving him a kiss like that. He'd never imagined kissing her like that. What he had with Ness was real and his head knew it. He just hoped his heart would agree when he was alone with Bella.

Ness pulled away too soon, but she was breathless. She reached up and wiped his lip with her thumb. "That was wunderbar!" she smiled. "I gotta go and so do you." She watched him pull his shirt over his head. Jake knew he could get another two minutes out of her if he really pushed it, but he didn't want to start something that he couldn't properly finish for a few more hours. She threw him his show t-shirt. "Damn, you're hot," she smirked and exited the dressing room.

Jake exited the dressing room a few beats after Ness, pulling his torn concert shirt over his head. He loved this shirt and he didn't give a fuck that had a huge hole in the chest. Quil was busy getting some last minute lovin' from Claire, Paul was finishing up what looked like his third grape soda and Embry was just standing there giving him the stink eye. Jake had just about had enough of Embry's moodiness. Embry just scoffed as Jake adjusted his belt.

"What the fuck is your problem, dude?" Jake asked.

"You, man. My problem is you!" Embry declared. "It's not enough that you got Bella in high school and drove her away, then got the finest woman on tour, but now you've invited the former to meet the latter and you're stringing both of them along." The vitriol dripping from Embry's honest words revealed more than Jake had originally suspected. Jake had always known that Em was sweet on Bella, but he did not know he'd felt that way about Ness. Of course everyone loved Ness, she was friendly, efficient, and did a great job. But the way Embry stood there, looking at Jake in disgust as he adjusted his show clothes. Embry must have thought more went on in that little dressing than actually happened. It wasn't too long ago, that would have been the truth, but not with Ness. Never with Ness.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Jake said, rolling his eyes. "Seth?" he called, knowing the kid was never too far this close to go-time.

"Embry's just pissed thinking you just got a quickie," Paul belched towards Embry again. "Way to show your cards, Call. You had him fooled about your little Ness crush for a long time." That confirmed Jake's thoughts. Embry was standing directly in front of Jake, blocking his way.

"He's fucked enough women in closets in the past. Nothing is ever enough for you, is it, Jake?" Embry said, revealing an even deeper jealousy than Jake had realized. Jake didn't want to start something this close to show time. They'd have to deal with this later. Embry was obviously letting out some deep seated concerns.

"You're fucked in the head if you think I treat Ness like that," was all Jake said, bumping Embry in the shoulder as he passed him to get his guitar from Seth.

"Am I?" he raised his voice, pulling Claire and Quil's attention to them. Jake didn't say anything for a few beats.

"You _know_ why Bella is here. We all know I have to figure things out. I am not out to hurt or use anyone. Everyone involved knows that," Jake explained, again, as patiently as he could.

"Except Bella," Embry spat. Jake bit the inside of his cheek.

"I'm going to meet with her tomorrow. Ness is setting it up. It'll all be settled _tomorrow_."

"On your terms, I'm sure." Embry said. He was unrelenting. Jake wondered if Embry had remembered what had happened over the past decade.

"Jake," Seth interrupted, handing him his white guitar.

"Thanks, Seth," Jake managed in a softer tone. It wasn't Seth's fault that Embry was an asshole.

"That shade of green is not good on you, Call," Paul reminded.

"I'm not fucking jealous!" Embry protested, though it was obvious that that was exactly what was going on. "I'm just sick of Jake never appreciating what he has in front of him."

"What the fuck, ever." Jake headed out of the green room towards the stage entrance. Embry didn't know the half of how much he appreciated Ness. He thanked the gods for her every day, and every night. Especially last night… Embry _was_ just jealous. Jake stopped and turned around with a final thought. "You heard how appreciative I was last night, Embry. You also heard how much _she_ enjoyed how I show my appreciation. And _that's_ what pisses you off." He let the heavy door slam behind him. Jake should have held his tongue, but Embry was asking for it.

Jake realized that he didn't know where Bella'd be that night. That was okay. He could handle this. She was just another woman he'd fucked who was in the audience. She was the first woman he'd fucked. And, she'd actually fucked him and then fucked him over, but he wasn't thinking about that. He needed to do this show.

It seemed Embry was able to keep his shit together during the first few songs, but the excess of grape soda was affecting Paul's voice. During Quil's drum interlude Paul came over to Jake.

"Dude! I need you to take the next song," Paul yelled over the crowd.

"What?" Jake yelled back. He'd heard Paul clearly, but he couldn't believe it.

"I need some hot honey water," Paul clarified, nodding towards Sven, the herbalist. Fucking Paul and his fucking grape fucking soda!

"Fine!" Jake said, looking down at the set list. _Out of My Head_ was an easy enough song for Jake to take on short notice, but Jake hated doing the whole seduce the audience thing that Paul was so good at. Jake liked strumming his guitar and throwing his picks at people and not making eye contact at all. Eye contact is what got him in to too much trouble.

Paul crossed the stage to tell Embry what was happening before disappearing off stage to suck down his throat treatment. Quil finished up his solo and Embry strummed the first chord. Jake stepped up to the mic and began singing, "I-I-I-I-I can't get you out of my head, God knows I've tried, but I just can't forget those crazy nights and all the things that we did. I-I-I-I-I can't get you out of my head."

Screams from the audience erupted at the recognition of the song and others screamed Jake's name, noticing that he was the one singing it. Jake decided to suck it up during the musical interlude and make eye contact to play the crowd a little. When the words began, he scanned the front row and saw a few guys, but mostly women pumping their fists to the beat.

"Maybe it was the way you talked. Maybe it was way you laughed," he smirked at an older woman who was pressed up against the barrier holding them a good five feet from the stage. She giggled and looked to her left at her friend. "Well, I don't know just what it is," he sang as his eyes scanned and fell upon the brunette he'd known so well, "but I know I want you baaaaaaaack." Jake was mortified when he realized what he had just sang and to whom. And he couldn't stop. He didn't even have the presence of mind to look away. "I-I-I-I-I-I can't get you out of my head…"

He watched as her face morphed from surprise to huge, knowing grin. She looked at Claire and her friends, standing next to her and Amy and Brittany were just beside themselves for her. Claire looked from Jake to Bella and back again, confused. Jake was finally able to move his eyes away from Bella and focus on other audience members, but the damage had been done. Jake knew that Bella thought he was singing to her. When he thought about how the whole thing must have looked from her point of view he cursed himself.

By the end of the song, Jake was about to throw in the towel for the whole night and crawl into his bunk with Ness, but somehow he knew that wasn't going to happen. He had a sinking feeling that stepping out of the eye of the hurricane was going to much rougher than originally anticipated.

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 **A/N: It's a little cliffy. So? Thoughts?**


	10. Ch 10: Drown

**A/N: Happy Saturday everyone. Today's chapter is brought to you by the song _Drown_ which has a wicked bass part. I keep quoting the song, _Hurricane_ as well. Lyrics for the latter will be posted in an upcoming chapter. **

**I got some good responses last chapter. I expect I'll have some after this one, too. Thanks always given to MarinaNamaste for her help and support.**

 **Enjoy.**

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Bella was beside herself. She was disappointed not to see Jake after the concert the night before, but she just knew he was talking…no, singing to her. Paul had sang all the songs the first concert she saw. Bella just knew that the switch was so Jake could give her a message. And then right after the concert, Carli had come and set up an appointment with Jake the next day. It wasn't a coincidence.

It couldn't be.

Her morning appointment with Seth had been a bit of a disappointment. He was all business and it wasn't nearly as fun as her afternoon with Embry. She was surprised to know how technical Seth's job was. He was in charge of keeping all of the guitars and basses in working order. And, that turned out to be a huge job as Jake had ten guitars all on his own. Bella was not aware that the different models created different sounds for the different songs. She had been fascinated by all the information Seth had given her, but it was all so, impersonal. That didn't matter, though. She had her appointment with Jake in a few minutes.

Shopping had not been as fun as she'd originally thought. Amy and Brittany were so excited and encouraging about her serenade from Jake, but Claire had been kind of a downer. Bella and the girls had stopped in the popular lingerie store to pick up some fun things when Bella got really frustrated with her.

"I just think you're reading too much into this," Claire said after Bella had gushed about her excitement yet again. She felt like a teenager all over again, and she liked it. She'd never really had the chance when she actually was a teenager. Edward didn't approve. "That's what they do. They play the audience, especially to ones packed with women. It's just good PR and Quil told me never to take what he did on stage seriously; that it was all part of the act."

"But why was Jake singing? Huh?" Amy asked, trying to defend her new friend dropping the pair of wonder woman boy shorts she was holding.

"Yeah," Brittany chimed in. "Paul always does the vocals. As many times as we've seen them, Jake has never sang lead on a song." Claire still seemed unconvinced and Bella did like that she was killing her buzz.

"I think Paul's throat was bothering him. I watched him drink a shit ton of soda before he went on stage. Quil was trying to get him to stop because his herbalist told him..."

"That's just stupid," Amy cut Claire off. "Soda can't hurt your throat. He was singing to Bella and that is that." She nodded her head as if that made the thing true and final. Bella liked Amy a lot.

"You should totally get all three of those!" Brittany gushed as Bella was looking at matching underwear sets. "And that one, too." She pointed to a cute lime green set. Bella smirked to herself as she imagined the look on Jake's face if he found this when he unwrapped her.

"I think I will. You know, Jake and I used to be a thing," she revealed to the girls. "He told me he'd always love me. I was just too stupid to understand what that meant at the time." Bella didn't want to reveal all the painful details. Claire frowned again and Bella thought maybe she was sad because this was her last night with the band—and Quil. Bella now understood how exciting all this was and could understand Claire's disappointment. But she wasn't going to allow the young girl's poor attitude bring her down.

Bella stood in her new, red boy shorts and matching lacey bra trying to decide what to wear for her time with Jake and the show right afterwards. She heard the bus door open and Carli's voice call out to her.

"I'm in here!" Bella called from her small compartment. Bella knew it was Carli's little room and was impressed with out neat and organized the woman was. "Come help me decide what to wear!" Bella opened the little bedroom door and Carli stepped in. Bella did not miss how Carli's eyes widened a bit at her new underwear. "Should I go with the sleeveless, sexy tee that you sent over, paired with the skinny jeans, or should go with the old, worn and large t-shirt with a pair of leggings?" Bella mused, pointing at her narrowed down choices.

"Ummm, I don't know," Carli stuttered. "Does it really matter?"

"No," Bella giggled. "This is the important part." She gestured to her new skimpy ensemble. I hope I'm not wearing it long after the concert." Bella felt bold in her new lingerie. "Did you see Jake serenade me last night? You said you knew our history. He just can't 'get me out of his head.'"

"He serenaded you last night?" Carli coughed on the water she'd just sucked out of her bottle. Bella just grinned the goofy grin she'd sported all day since it happened.

"I thought it would take longer than it did to convince him that he should give it—us, another try," Bella confessed. "I hear he has a girlfriend that everyone seems to like, but no one will talk about." Bella chewed her bottom lip. "I kinda feel bad for her. She obviously has no idea how deep our friendship is."

"What makes you think he was serenading you?" Carli asked, biting into the side of her own cheek. Bella didn't notice the tightness in her voice. She'd decided to go with the loose t-shirt and the leggings. Bella suspected they'd be easier to get off if and when the time came.

"Well, Amy and Brittany said that Paul always does lead vocals, but Jake stepped up to the mic last night and sang. Then," she giggled, "when the words 'I want you back' came up he looked right at me. I've been listening to that song all day. It's my new favorite. After feeling like _Drag me Hell_ was written about me," Bella pulled the shirt over her head, "having a song called _Can't Get You Out Of My Head_ sung to you is much better." Bella bent over to pull the leggings up and adjusted everything in the full length mirror that hung on the back of the little compartment door. "I guess that he worked through his angst about me." Bella thought for a bit. "Maybe that's what his trainer is for? I met him the other day." Her mind had been racing a hundred miles and minute since she woke up.

Bella looked at Carli with a grin she hadn't sported in years. She felt so light, so carefree. She figured she understood why touring was so attractive for those who did it. If things worked out well with Jake today, she could really see herself doing this traveling bit. It was exciting. And she could totally work from the road. Journalists could write from anywhere.

"You think?" Carli asked. Bella caught the flex of her jaw. She looked stressed.

"I hope," Bella said, finally noting Carli's mood. "Oh, I'm keeping you, aren't I? I forget how much you do around here. I'm so sorry." Bella slid her feet into the new sandals she bought. "Lead the way to Jake." Bella beamed. She had butterflies in her stomach. Bella looked up at Carli when the woman sniffled. "I hope you're not getting sick," Bella added. "Summer colds are the worst!" She smiled again at Carli.

"I'll be fine." Carli wiped her nose on the back of her hand as they exited the bus. "Alan will pick you up in about an hour. Jake will need to get to sound check."

"Oh," Bella pouted. She knew Jake couldn't spend too much time with her before the show, but she just assumed that after they made up she could go around with him and not be escorted by "his people" any more.

"Something wrong?" Ness asked as they stopped in front of a tour bus she hadn't seen yet.

"No, I just thought…" Bella drifted off because she could almost feel him on that bus. She'd waited for so long to reunite with Jacob—more than just a friendly hello—to return the heat of that night they shared so long ago. It was so close she could feel him.

"It's all for security," Ness said and Bella barely heard her.

"What is?" Bella asked, licking her lips and bouncing on the balls of her feet. She wished Carli would just take her inside already

"All the escorting from place to place. We have to vigilant about security," Carli clarified.

"Sure, sure," Bella said and she thought she heard Carli's breath hitch. She watched Carli's hand hesitate before she pounded three times, paused and then pounded once more. Bella concluded it must be some sort of secret knock. The door opened and Embry came out. He looked at Bella and smiled, then at Carli.

"Fuckin' idiot," Embry mumbled as he walked away. Bella looked at him and wanted to ask what was wrong, but the need to get inside that bus and to Jake was stronger. Carli had already stepped up and Bella followed quickly.

"Everything okay?" Carli asked flashing a curious look at Jake who just nodded.

"Fuckin' hurricane," Jake said and turned out a weak smile. Carli nodded before she looked back at Bella who was watching the odd exchange.

"I can feel it," Carli quoted. She looked back at Bella who was thoroughly confused. "Alan will be here in about 45, then Jake," she looked back over at him, "I'll be in the lighting booth for the rest of the night. The circuit boards are acting funny and I have to go figure out what to do. I may have to go see Aro before the night's out and see if he can't rush the custom board we ordered. It's gonna be pricy if we look too needy."

"He likes you," Jake grinned, "you'll get his price down. I trust you." Bella watched Carli smile back. She inhaled deeply and nodded seemingly to make some internal decision.

"I probably won't see you until tomorrow. Break a leg," she said. Her eyes flicked to Bella again and Carli left without another word. Bella was so relieved. They stood there staring at each other for a few beats.

"I never thought she'd leave," Bella finally said and peeked up at Jake through her eyelashes.

"Bella," Jake stared, but she stopped him.

"Jake, wait. I know it's been a long time and I'm sorry I left _that_ night the way I did. But after last night," she stepped towards him, "and that song." He took a small step back. Bella figured that was a gut reaction to her bringing up the past. She felt terrible about leaving him after their very special night. She'd given him her virginity so she'd have something to remember him by for the rest of her life with Edward. She didn't realize that leaving Jake was the biggest mistake of her life.

"Bella, I don't think," he tried again.

"No, let me get this out. I chose Edward over you and I'm so sorry I did that. I'm sorry that I ever left. It should have always been you." She took another step closer and he didn't back away. She saw resolve harden in his eyes and that made her a little braver. "I got confused about who I was and what I wanted. Edward confused me. He still does. But you never did. Things were always black and white with you. They were always," she sighed before she continued.

"Easy as breathing," he finished with her. He was looking at her like he used to. She took another step closer and they were only inches apart. She watched as his eyes closed and he bent slightly and inhaled deeply. She remembered that he always liked the scent of her strawberry shampoo. She still used it.

She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck. It took a few beats, but she finally felt his hands settle on her hips. She looked up at him. He was so tall and strong. He was a man and she was only acquainted with the boy. She looked forward to getting to know this new body.

"Jake," she breathed, "kiss me." It was a quiet and earnest plea. He closed his eyes, inhaled again, and pulled her hips closer to him before his lips touched hers.

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 **Let me have it.**


	11. Ch 11: more Salt In The Wound

**A/N: I LOVED the responses I got last time. It made me so excited! That's all I'm going to say other than to thank my awesome beta, MarinaNamaste.**

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 **LAST TIME:**

 _ **She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck. It took a few beats, but she finally felt his hands settle on her hips. She looked up at him. He was so tall and strong. He was a man and she was only acquainted with the boy. She looked forward to getting to know this new body.**_

 _ **"Jake," she breathed, "kiss me." It was a quiet and earnest plea. He closed his eyes, inhaled again, and pulled her hips closer to him before his lips touched hers.**_

Jake found her lips moving against his and they were warm and soft. But they were hungry and insistent, too. She moaned into his mouth and her hands clutched at his neck. She pulled at his shirt and tried to tug him to the couch.

A wave of nostalgia washed over him. He was finally kissing Bella Swan again. He'd dreamed of her for so many years. Her long brown hair and her chocolate eyes—they could all be his now. She was offering herself to him. He knew that the fiasco on stage last night would bring this situation. He saw it on her face when he realized who it was he was singing to.

That's why he ran after the show. He grabbed Emmett, changed his clothes and ran until the buses pulled out of the lot—they climbed on his bus just in the nick of time. He showered in the tiny compartment, even though he should have waited until they were stopped somewhere.

He had no idea where Ness was.

He could have radioed—Ness always had the fuckin' thing on her hip—but he couldn't bring himself to face her. _He'd_ hidden the damn soda. Paul wouldn't have sucked down three of them before going on stage he, _Jake_ , would have left the fuck alone. Then Paul's voice wouldn't have cracked and Jake wouldn't have had to sing. SHIT! His thoughts just wouldn't stop last night. Jake was the one who caused the whole fuckin' situation.

It was good that there was no alcohol on the bus he and Paul slept on. That provision was made as soon as Paul and Rachel became an item. So, it was by design that Jake couldn't fall into his old habit—something he was extremely grateful for. Embry refused to tell him where Ness was, though Jake suspected he had no idea, anyway. The best thing Jake could do, was go to sleep. He took four Advil PMs, chugged three gulps of Z-Quil and climbed into his bunk.

Ness came to him sometime in the night and kissed him sweetly and whispered, "I love you so much." But then she was gone. The only way Jake knew it wasn't a dream was that Embry brought it up when he finally rolled out of his bunk in search of a cup of coffee around eleven. Jake and Paul had been up for a few hours practicing Jake's new song.

"Where are we?" Jake asked no one in particular, ignoring Embry's taunt about being a dick.

"Who the fuck cares," Paul answered. "It's all the same shit everywhere."

"He missed Rachel's skype this morning and he's pissed," Seth said when Jake gave a questioning look. "And Embry's still pissed that you're pulling two women."

"Seth, if I wanted your opinion I would have farted," Embry seethed. "Asshole."

"Yeah, make sure you emphasize the punch line for us dumb shits," Paul snorted. "In case we didn't get the idea that farts come from assholes. Maybe that explains why your breath always fuckin' stinks."

Jake just shook his head. It was too early for this shit and no one had the excuse that they were hung over. Sometimes, Jake thought, being sober showed them just how truly sad and pathetic their lives really was because they couldn't blame the alcohol.

"Just don't, Embry," Jake urged effectively cutting him off as he inhaled to retort. "It will do no good and I don't want to kick the shit out of you today. And I'm in the mood to do it." Again, Embry opened his mouth and was cut off by Ness pulling the bus door open.

"Embry, the sound guys need you. Something's up with the sound board and it's your pickup it's affecting," Ness said, shooting Jake a look. He shot her a slight smile and she blushed. Things were still good, but they were gonna play it low-key.

"Fine," Embry muttered. "Better than hanging out with these douche bags."

"Hey!" Seth yelled in mock offense.

"You better learn how to enunciate better, you fucking pussy! And knock off that mumbling shit if you're going to try to insult us," Paul yelled, but Embry was already gone. Ness just looked at Jake, shook her head, and followed Embry out of the bus.

"You better figure this shit out soon," Paul said, pointing from the closed bus door and back to Jake.

"Yeah," Seth agreed. "I don't like seeing her like that again. I'm sorry, Jake, but I love Ness. She's like the sister I never had."

"What's fuckin' Leah?" Paul asked.

"A bitter, harping bitch who I love with all my heart," Seth answered. "Ness is the nice, sweet one I wished my mom had _after_ me."

"Touché," Paul said and went back to his steaming mug of some herbal mixture.

"Do you even know what that word means?" Jake asked.

"Obviously," Paul said with a completely straight face. "Now fuck off. I want to watch _Supernatural_ in peace." He put his earbuds in and turned his attention to his tablet that was propped up against his box of Fruit Loops.

"She thinks you sang to her last night," Seth said. Jake knew he was talking about Bella. He didn't have to say her name.

"I know, Seth." Jake rubbed his face. He needed to shave. Ness hated his splotchy beard.

"She's going to make a move on you soon," he predicted.

"I know, Seth."

"Are you ready for that?"

"I don't know, Seth."

He thought he knew.

But Jake really didn't.

So Jake stood there, kissing Bella in the exact same spot where Paul and Seth told him to figure his shit out. Bella's tugs became more insistent and her lips became more demanding. She'd become much more assertive in this area than he ever remembered, even though she was the one who initially began their tryst all those years ago. He could feel her heat and her passion, but it was _all_ coming from her. She was _finally_ giving him what he'd wanted for so long...

And all he wanted was Ness.

"Bella," he said as he pulled back.

"What?" she asked, moving her lips down his neck. Her hands were everywhere, exploring his chest and back. He reached behind him, grabbing her wrists and stilling them.

"I can't do this."

Bella stilled. "But, you want me. You sang to me. You want me back." She smiled and leaned back up to kiss him.

"Bella, no. I sang to the audience and you happened to be in my line of sight," Jake explained, pulling back a litttle.

"But Amy said you never sing lead. You didn't sing lead vocals the night before. Why would you do that?" her voice cracked and Jake could see she was still fighting to believe the song was for her.

"She was right, I don't usually sing lead. But Paul is a dumbass who messed up his throat right before we went on stage and I had to take over for a few songs," Jake continued. He saw comprehension flash across her face as her eyes panned between his.

"Grape soda," Bella muttered, shaking her head and pulled her arms down to her side. She took an unsure step back.

"Yeah. How'd you know?" Jake couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"Claire tried to tell me," Bella frowned. She bit her lip and looked up at him with glassy eyes. "You said you'd always want me. Was that all a lie?" her voice growing sharper.

"No, Bella. I said I'd always love you. And I still love you. But I can't do this," Jake said trying to clear up the difference.

"Who's Ness?" Bella's voice turned acidic and she placed her hands on her hips. Jake looked at her defensive stance and his decade old anger yawned and bared its teeth.

"No. You don't get to do that," Jake warned. "You don't get to be bitter and bitchy because I _finally_ found someone who makes me happy."

"So what was that kiss about, then? Why am I here? In _your_ bus? We could have met anywhere," Jake could see she was still trying to convince him—or herself—that he still wanted her.

"I had to see and be sure," Jake admitted.

"Be sure of what?" Bella bit out.

"That I'm over you and I can move on." Jake watched the fury build in Bella's eyes. The tears that spilled from her huge doe eyes were angry, not sad. It made the hackles of his own anger rise and he hoped he could keep it on a leash.

"If you don't want me now, then you never really loved me," Bella spat and moved towards the door. That made Jake angry. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her against his body and then pressed her up against the counter top. His erection was still present and he pressed it into her belly. Nope, his anger crouched lowed and growled in his gut as his mind scrambled for words to vent the toxic fumes.

"Do you think this is love, Bella?" He ground into her for emphasis and her eyes widened. "Almost anything can make a man's dick hard. You will always do this to me. Along with the countless others in the future and hundreds who have already had the same _careless_ fuck you took from me over a decade ago." Bella's eyes bulged as he hissed his response to her accusation. "I loved you so much that the only way to numb the pain of your betrayal was to drink myself into oblivion and fuck as many women as I could to try to feel something again." He let go of her wrist when she whimpered, but he stayed pressed against her.

"I love you, Bella Swan despite what you did to me. And because I love you, I won't let you use me again. You gotta figure _your_ shit out and quit relying on everyone else to fill whatever void is inside you. You thought Edward would do it. Now you think you fucked up and it was me all along. But it's not either of us. It's not anyone."

"What the fuck does that even mean?" Bella asked, shaking her head and pushing him away from her. He let her.

"It means that you're going to continue to suck everyone around you dry until you figure yourself out. You're an emotional vampire, Bella. Being with _him_ made you that way." Jake never had to say Edward's name. His tone and inflection always indicated who he meant. "You said it yourself, he confuses you. You've finally gotten away from him. Now that you have some perspective, take a deeper look inside."

"When did you become Dr. Phil?" Bella spat again. "You think Paul's rehab made you into some sort of therapist?"

"Nope." Jake shook his head. "But I've hit bottom twice thinking that you were my only answer and hope. I've dated numerous women of all kinds and sorts to try to figure it out. It's taken me a long time and some very tough experiences, but I've finally figured some stuff out."

"So who's this _Angel_ —I'm assuming that song is about her—that's saved you from yourself?" Again, Jake didn't appreciate her hostile tone.

"She didn't save me. I hit bottom again because she left me. But that's only because I was doing things for her and not for me. I was trying to be something I wasn't just to please her instead of simply becoming a better Jake."

"Oh god, you sound like an advertisement for the Betty Ford Clinic," Bella moaned, letting her head fall into her hands.

"There she is," Jake smiled.

"Who?"

"The bitch Cullen crafted to be his wife."

It would have been better if Jake slapped her than to utter that last sentence. He saw the pain wash over her, but no tears fell.

"Well 'don't you know _the bitch came back_?'" Bella quoted. Jake was impressed with her knowledge of his songs. He didn't actually think Bella listened to any of them. Though Embry did mention seeing her iPod and laptop play lists.

"Not every song is about you, Bella," Jake quickly said.

"Just the bad ones," she croaked, her façade cracking.

"Not even all the bad ones," Jake said a little more sympathetically as he watched her hands flap helplessly in front of her while she tried to process all the emotion she was feeling.

"I gotta get out of here," Bella said, her voice hardening. "Where am I gonna go?" The desperation in her voice nearly broke his heart as she turned in a mindless half circle. The part of him that loved her didn't like to see her in pain. But she needed to feel it. He understood the importance of suffering. He knew that suffering fueled the strongest and most lasting change. He and Paul were a walking example of it. Though he didn't really relish he role he had in delivering it to her.

"Bells," Jake tried.

"Don't!" she practically yelled. "You can't call me that anymore. I'm not _Isabella_. I'm not _Bells_. I don't know what I am. I gotta go." She turned quickly before he could stop her again. He watched as the door slammed shut. He had a guy watching her. She couldn't do anything too stupid. She'd be safe…physically.

Jake took a deep breath and the scent of strawberries still lingered in the air. It didn't have the same effect on him as it used to. He still loved Bella.

But he yearned for Ness.

Ness was his home now. Ness was his safe place. Bella was not safe. Bella was not good for him. Just in their brief kiss he could tell that she needed so much more than he could give her. There were days Jake could barely keep himself afloat and Bella did not understand that part of him. He knew eventually that part of him would disappoint her and hurt her.

Ness understood it. She lived it herself. She'd seen him as two of his lowest points and loved him anyway. Ness had her own demons to face and together they'd face them all together. Just like this whole situation.

He was a lucky man.

Despite all the shit he'd endured, he was a very lucky man. Because most of that shit was self-inflicted and he'd come out the other side a better and stronger man.

Those were the thoughts that took him through the rest of his pre-show routines. He'd avoided Embry even at the VIP meet and greet. But, Jake knew he had to go to the green room and couldn't avoid a conversation.

Seth handed him his white guitar and his fingers automatically began playing the riffs for his new song. Paul joined in humming the melody.

"So I saw Bella earlier. She didn't look too good," Embry said. Jake ignored him. "Guess you got your revenge."

"Embry, you're really starting to wear on my nerves," Jake gritted out between his teeth. He didn't want revenge; he wanted closure. And he finally got it. He was finally at peace with that part of his heart.

Finally.

"Bros before hoes don't mean much to Embry," Quil quipped and chuckled at himself. He dropped his drum stick he was spinning.

"I'm just seeing Jake for the player he is. For the first time, I guess," Embry said. Jake sighed. "You chased Ness off, too, so you could fuck both of 'em up real good."

"Believe whatever the fuck you want, Embry. I can see I can't change your mind." Jake stood and walked out the door towards the stage. Jake stood off stage watching their opening act. They were pretty good and there was a large portion of the crowd that turned up just to see them. Jake remembered those days—finally getting their own fan base and not just being attached to the main act.

"Hey, Jake!" Bob the roadie called. "That Bella woman was looking for the sound booth. She said that she couldn't find Alan and she was supposed to meet with some of the sound guys. I hope it's okay that I took her there." Jake bit down hard causing his jaw to ache. That's where Ness said she'd be. This couldn't be good. Bella may be deluded, but she wasn't dumb. It wouldn't be too long before she figured out that Ness was the woman keeping them apart. "Jake? Is that okay? God, I hope I didn't fuck up."

"No, Bob, you're fine. Thanks for looking out for her. Did you see Ness?"

"Yeah. She was in her own bus making calls to Aro and some other guys. She said to radio her if we needed anything," Bob said.

"Great, thanks dude." The music ended and Bob's head shot up in shock.

"Oh, gotta go! You guys are up next." Jake watched as Bob and the other roadies moved props, platforms, amps, and speakers with rehearsed precision. They really had a hard job and they did well.

"Sam!" Jake bellowed as Sam rushed by. He stopped.

"What? I don't know where Ness is," he added quickly.

"Umm, Bella's in the sound booth. Ness is supposed to be there. I'm not sure if that's such a good idea." Jake had no idea where the booth was located in this venue, but followed Sam's eyes to the space. He could see Bella perched on a stool looking out the window at the stage.

"There she is," Sam said, reaching for his radio. "Ness, there's a package in the sound booth." Jake watched as Ness looked down at her radio and unclip it. Her other hand reached for the door and opened it as she spoke back. A garbled version of Ness's voice came back.

"What Sam? I didn't catch that," the radio garbled back. But the damage was done. Someone in the booth must have had a radio too, because as soon as Ness answered, Bella's keen eyes looked at Ness. Sam's request for Ness followed by her reply and appearance would definitely end the ruse. Part of Jake felt relief, it was time for Bella to know. He just didn't want Ness to have to face it alone.

* * *

 **One conflict resolved only to roll into another. Some of you have been waiting for this confrontation. ;)**

 **Thoughts? Opinions? Predictions?**


	12. Ch 12: I Hate My Life

**A/N: Well, I lost some. Oh well. If you're stuck with your preconceived notions of Jacob, Bella, and Ness, then this story isn't for you. You should read each story for the character development. Look at what the characters are doing and how their growing. My goal with this story was to create angst. I am not good at it. My stories, in the past, have been too quick to resolve the issues. I think I've been moderately successful with that in this story. Not nearly as good as Tonyamic. She's still stressing me out with her story.**

 **Teamjacob0729, you mention that a majority of the story was written through Bella's point of view. Only 1/3 is. It rotates between Bella, Ness, and Jake every chapter. I don't know if anyone has noticed the rotation. It began with Bella and I'm not sure where it will end. I haven't finished it yet.**

 **Some of you are cross with me for not listing the pairing. Sorry if I've wasted your time. I hope you know that those kinds of comments can really affect a sensitive person. I'm glad I find them amusing right now. Your loss, not mine. Go find some fluffy, lemony tripe. Hey, I have an idea: Go read my story Experiments. That's just lemony Jake/Bella goodness. I wrote that to practice lemons and I am actually sad to see it's my most popular story. It has very little substance or character development. If that is more your speed, go read that one.**

 **I'm still not telling. If you can't tell by now—by the numerous hints in the author's notes as well as the last two chapters, then this story is just not for you. Go away.**

 **MarinaNamste is my beta. She gets me. Many more of you get this story and are hanging in there. There will be about 20 chapters. I'm currently writing a Bella chapter and she's turning into someone I like. I'm also fleshing out the prequel. Wanna see Jake and Lauren? Yeah, that's gonna have some angst.**

 **Okay, I got all that off my chest. (Maybe I was a little more irritated than I cared to admit.) For those of you not cross or upset with me, or those of you who are sophisticated enough to bear with me despite me splitting your sacred royal couple, here we go. It gets a little worse before it gets better. This is the worst.**

* * *

 ** _Last time: "Ness, there's a package in the sound booth." Jake watched as Ness looked down at her radio and unclip it. Her other hand reached for the door and opened it as she spoke back. A garbled version of Ness's voice came back._**

 ** _"What Sam? I didn't catch that," the radio garbled back._**

Ness understood the coded radio message just as she opened the door and Bella's large eyes registered information.

 _She knew._

Or she suspected. Ness acted like she didn't realize anything happened. She didn't answer Sam on the radio, either.

"Bella? I didn't expect you to be here. Did Alan bring you here?" Something was up and Ness's mind was racing.

"No, some roadie did. I had some questions for the sound guys. Do you mind if I stay up here for the show?" Bella asked in a voice that Ness had never heard her us before. The guys all looked at her with blank faces.

"Well, it's up to them," Ness said. Two of them shrugged and the others stayed quiet and completely still. They all knew who Bella was. They all loved Jake. They'd been with him from the beginning and they were a very loyal crew through it all. Jake was very interested in the technical aspects of the sound and worked closely with all of them.

"I guess that'd be alright," Brady said. His eyes moved from Bella to Ness. "She won't be in the way, Carli." Ness smiled at him.

"Has Aro called?" Ness asked.

"No," Brady answered.

"Good. He has my cell phone number. If he calls anyone other than me, don't say anything. I've got something in the works and the wrong thing said could totally blow it," Ness said. Aro was an "eccentric but brilliant fucker" as Jake like to call him and he had a strange fascination with Ness. She could broker deals with him for the specialty equipment, but she had to mentally and emotionally work for it. He saw her as sort of a puzzle.

"No problem, Boss," Brady replied.

"So, Carli," Bella spoke up, "you're basically in charge of everything? You get to tell everyone what to do, who to talk to, when, and what goes on?" Ness turned to look at her. Again, her tone was off. It wasn't the businesslike woman she picked up from the airport. It wasn't the snobby bitch who was impressed that they had a nice car to ride into the first venue. But it wasn't the relaxed Bella from earlier this afternoon either. This Bella's eyes were almost hollow and the tone of her voice was soft and hard all at once.

"She's the only one who can grasp all the details of the entire operation. We all have our specialties and report to her. We do what she says because she respects our knowledge and considers what we have to say very carefully," a burly man named Jared said. Bella looked at him and considered him for a moment.

"Don't get defensive," she said sweetly. "I'm just trying to understand how the operation runs."

"We're on in 2 minutes," Brady called.

"I'm not defensive. You asked a fucking question and I answered it. Sounds like you're the one with your hackles up," Brady responded calmly. Bella looked contrite.

"Enough," Ness said, kindly. "The boys are the best in the business and there have been many attempts to recruit them away from us. But they stay."

"So you've never worked for another band?" Bella asked, truly interested.

"Well, when we're not touring with these guys we work for others," Brady said. "It's the way we get other ideas and stay on top of new technology."

"But we always schedule around the Wolfmen," Jared said. "They're family. You don't leave your family." Ness repressed the urge to roll her eyes. She appreciated Jared's sense of loyalty, but he was laying it on thick.

"I've gotten that feeling being around here the past few days," Bella said. "Well, until…" she trailed off. Ness looked over and could swear that she saw Bella wipe her eyes.

"Embry's bass isn't showing up again," Collin said into the radio.

"Fuck," came Sam's reply followed by the squelch of static. "Hang on." They all waited.

"Cue the opening for _So Happy_ like normal," Ness said into the radio and to the room. "The bass is minimal as Embry's always complaining." Squelch.

"Sounds good," Sam said. "Paul and Jake said they got a new song ready they can do until we get Embry's up again." Ness looked at Brady.

"It's good. I heard them playing it the other day," he said. "It's only acoustic right now and crowds love hearing new stuff before it's recorded as long as they get into a popular one right after. Then they can get into _Lowlife_ or _Angel_. Just leave out _Drown_ which is Embry's show piece." Bella was impressed with Brady and watched Ness nod. Bella was also happy that she knew all the songs they referred to.

"Sounds like a plan," Ness said before she repeated it into the radio for Sam. "We'll let you know when Embry's online."

"He'll fake it until he's connected," Sam said.

"Cue it," Brady called. Jared pressed some buttons and Bella scribbled on her notepad. Ness noted the off sound of the opening song, but the boys were right on mark. No normal person would ever know that Embry's bass was not amplified or that anything was wrong.

The tension that filled the room when Ness first entered seemed to dissipate as the show began. The boys spoke their technical talk as they tried to figure out how to get Embry's bass online. It wasn't as simple as plugging into a new jack. This was the part that Ness didn't know much about. What Ness knew how to do was smooth situations over so the snafus didn't turn into clusterfucks.

"Still not up?" Ness asked near the end of the opening number.

"Nope," was the reply from four different guys.

"Sam, have them do the new number," Ness said. Squelch.

Watching from the booth was a completely different experience and Ness always kind of liked it when there were technical problems. It was almost like having an out of body experience because they were a part of the show, but separate from the simpering crowds.

"Good evening, where the fuck are we?" Paul said into the mic and looked over at Jake.

"Oklahoma City," Jake answered into his mic. There were cheers from the audience.

"Well since we're the most exciting fucking thing to happen in this city tonight," Paul paused for more cheers, "you won't mind if we try a new song for y'all while figure out what the fuck is up with Emrby's amplifier. What do y'all say?" Paul shouted. "Wanna hear one of Jake's new songs?"

"Told you," Brady smiled as the crowd went wild.

"This is kind of exciting," Bella said looking back down at her pad. Ness did not have a good feeling about this.

"We're gonna let Jake sing it, since I don't know it that well yet," Paul said. "So bear with us." There were more screams from the audience.

"This gonna be a PR nightmare?" Collin asked looking at Ness.

"Might be if someone records it before it's copyrighted, but Jake's usually really good about sending that stuff in as soon as lyrics are written on paper. He doesn't want another song stolen."

"He had a song stolen?" Bella asked. Ness nodded and was going to respond when the song started and Jake's angry voice rang through the auditorium.

 _Please can I go home now, I can barely stay awake  
But you sit there with your pride and kill us all.  
You have so much fun now trying to bend me till I break  
And I just set myself up to take the fall.  
Your eyes are black as tar and to look at you is hard  
But I'm just too afraid to look away.  
Misery loves company and here you stand in front of me.  
Just please don't ask me to stay_

 _So, who do you trust?  
Now that you need me to get through the day  
I'm asking too much.  
To have you hear what I have to say  
So I say_

 _Help me help you, I'm down on my knees  
If you need me so much then why did you leave  
You needed a reason, you needed too much.  
You can lean on me, but don't lean  
On me like I'm your crutch._

There was a musical interlude when Brady spoke up. "Wow, look at Quil, man. He's keeping up. He may drop his sticks all the time, but boy wails on the drums. Look at him." They all did, but Ness noticed that Bella looked mortified. Jake's rough voice came out again.

 _You never started loving me so you could never quit  
I could rule this fuckin world and you'd still think I'm shit  
You've turned your back on me, have no family  
In the end the devil gets what he deserves_

"Ouch, Jake. That was harsh," Brady said. "He hasn't been this bitter in his lyrics since," he looked over at Ness, "well since you came along, Ness."

The room went completely silent as all movement stopped. Paul joined in on the chorus, providing raw harmonies to the harsh melody. All eyes went to Bella and then bounced to Ness.

"I thought your name was Carli," Bella said in a low tone that seemed to confirm her suspicions.

"It is. My friends call me Ness. It's a shortened form of my name. Carli is my middle name and how I sign all my professional correspondence," she explained.

"So you haven't been lying, per se. Just omitting some very important facts," Bella smiled.

"Hey," Jarred began from his seat, but Ness hushed him. He was looking at Bella like he was going to give her a piece of his mind.

"Leave it," Ness said. They all looked back at the stage as Jake sang through the chorus again and Bella shifted in her seat. Ness hadn't heard the whole song put together, only bits and pieces of it. If Jake had rejected Bella just that afternoon, this song had to be uncomfortable.

 _So, who do you trust now that you  
Need me to get through the day?  
I'm asking too much,  
To have you hear what I have to say_

 _So I say_

 _Help me help you, I'm down on my knees  
If you need me so much then why did you leave  
You needed a reason, you needed too much.  
You can lean on me, but don't lean  
On me like I'm your crutch._

Ness hated the line about him being down on his knees for her. She also didn't like his plea to her help him help her.

"We're up," Brady called out.

"It's up," Ness radioed to Sam. "Cue _Angel_. That will be a better follow up than _Lowlife_ , I think."

The music started and Paul's voice started as Ness noticed Bella wipe her eye again.

 _I'm in love with an angel, heaven forbid  
Made me a believer, with the touch of her skin_

 _I'd go to hell and back with you  
Still lost in what we found.  
Worlds apart we were the same  
Until we hit the ground_

"Fuck!" Bella shouted. "You get a song called _Angel_ and I get one about how I needed him as a crutch?" Her voice was incredulous and Jarred chuckled.

"Karma's a bitch," he mumbled. The music suddenly faded and everyone heard Jarred's remark.

"He kissed me you know," Bella blurted out, "on the bus right before I came up here. I asked him to kiss me and he did." Ness just looked at her, shaking her head. She couldn't even find it in her to be hurt. Bella was grasping at straws and lashing out like a wounded, cornered animal. Which, Ness supposed she was. "So how deep could his love for you be if he's still kissing me?"

Ness just smiled back at her. The last question ignited her anger. Bella obviously knew nothing of love or Jake's ability to give it.

"Who do you think told him to kiss you?" Ness asked, her tone low. The guys knew the show so well, now that it was back on track, they were basically on autopilot.

"What? You _told_ him to kiss me?" Bella scoffed. "Like you knew it was going to happen. Why would you do that?"

"Because he needed to get you out of his system. He needed to quit wondering," Ness returned, but she was far from finished. "How did he react? How long did it last? Did it lead to anything else?" Ness asked, confidence returning to her. She'd been a wreck all day long, but Bella's defensiveness showed that she didn't get very far with Jake.

"He showed me just how turned on I made him, that's for sure," Bella jabbed.

"You and any girl above the age of 16 with boobs, honey," Ness returned with a scoff. A few of the guys chuckled at that, too. "How many women do you think throw themselves at him on a regular basis? Huh?" Ness was standing now. "Jake's fucked a lot of women over the years. I would be an idiot to even think I was the only one who made his dick hard. But as long as he eats at home with me, I don't care where he works up his appetite. Where the hell do you think I've been sleeping while you've been staying in _my_ compartment?" Ness raised her eyebrow for emphasis. "And Jake has quite an appetite," she added for good measure.

"Ohhhhh!" Collin cooed.

"Point for Ness," Jarred said.

"Knock it off," Brady commanded.

"I had him first. And there will be a part of him that always loves me." Bella sneered. "How do you like my sloppy seconds?"

"Fuck," Brady said standing and stepping in between the two women.

"Point for Bella," Jarred conceded.

"It's okay, Brady. I'm in control. And Jarred, you're right. She gets a point for that. But she also needs to know that that part of Jake that still loves her is the part that drank himself into oblivion and almost wrecked his liver and kidneys at the ripe old age of 24." All three of the men flinched as they remembered Jake's hospitalization. "It's that part of him that wants to forget that he gave the most important part of himself to a young, stupid girl who did nothing but stomp on his gift. You drug that special, precious part of him to hell, Bella Swan. All his raw, angry sounding songs come from that part of him." Ness took a step closer to Bella who crossed her arms in defiance. All eyes were on Ness even if their hands and fingers slid levers and slides into position.

"I have the part of him that seeks redemption. I sooth his jagged edges that your betrayal ripped open and created. I am the eye of the storm his life became trying to forget about _you_. This is the second half of the hurricane, bitch, and I'm walking through it with him."

And as if on cue, Paul's voice filled the booth as Jarred turned up the sound so Bella could hear the song being sung on stage.

 _I never thought it would end  
You'll never understand  
How we learn in the end  
Like this_

 _I'm caught in a hurricane  
I'm leaving here dead or alive  
And I know that I'd be willing to feel the pain  
If it got me to the other side  
'Cause it only hurts, hurricane  
Yeah, I can feel it hurt, hurricane_

 _Hurts, hurricane  
Hurts, hurricane_

"I get the part on the other side. So you can keep the broken, destroyed part of his heart that you ripped away." Ness finished before Bella turned on her heel and left the booth without another word.

"Point and match," Jarred said.

"Shut the fuck up, Jarred," Ness ordered. "That was not a good thing."

The storm war far from over.

* * *

 **A/N: In case you didn't notice or know, all the Chapter Titles are Theory of A Deadman songs.**

 **So?**


	13. Ch 13: Misery of Mankind

**A/N: Welcome back, ladies. (I'm assuming you are all women.) I still got a great response last chapter even if some gave up on my little story. Thank you for your encouraging words. Those of you who reviewed for the first time (or who review sporadically) just to let me know to keep going, I really appreciate it. Thank you so much.**

 **MarinaNamaste is my beta. She just began a Jake/Bella story called Runaways. It's a great little love story. Go read and review it. She just posted chapter 1 a few hours ago. Go! (When you're done here.)**

 **So, here's another chapter through Bella's eyes.**

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Bella woke up feeling groggy and foggy. She smacked her lips together and her teeth felt like they were growing shag carpet. But there was also the most delicious feeling of someone's lips on her thighs. She lay flat on her back, legs spread wide while big, warm hands cupped her ass. She looked down and saw the russet tops of two strong, muscled shoulders and a mess of black hair. His tongue swiped across her clit and her eyes closed as a long, low moan escaped her lips.

She felt his chuckle more than she heard it and her fingers wove into his hair to guide him in his efforts to bring her pleasure. Flashes of the previous night played on the backs of her eyelids.

There were strong arms that comforted and stilled her sobbing body following the concert that she'd finished watching from a hidden perch backstage.

There were calls for her by name and warm, caring arms that pulled her close when she was found.

There were shots of tequila to calm her nerves accompanied by wide, warm, comforting smiles.

Finally feeling relaxed, there were sweet confessions and grateful forgiving smiles.

There were tentative touches followed by heated kisses.

Heated kisses led to a night a physical pleasure like Bella had never known.

Bella's first sexual experience consisted of the sweet fumbling of two inexperienced teenagers. Her marital bed wasn't much better and had been laced with resentment and angst. It was never very satisfying. And the frequent, anonymous tumbles she'd had since her separation were lust filled encounters that left her feeling empty, sad, and even lonelier than before.

But last night, and what was happening between her legs at that moment, was different. It was deep and stirring and replaying it all in her mind made her cum even harder. She felt his fingers pull out of her, his hot tongue take another swipe before his soft lips pressed into her shapely thigh.

"Roll over," his voice was soft and authoritative and she complied without question. On her stomach, she felt his hands run up her arms and pin her hands over her head. His knees spread her thighs apart and she automatically lifted her hips so he could slide into her from behind. He set a fast and furious pace and he slammed into her and they both grunted with the effort.

"Oh, god!" she cried out as one of his hand slid down and circled her still sensitive clit, the other keeping her hands pinned over her head. "Oh, god!" she groaned again.

"You feel so good, Bella. This was the way it was supposed to be all along." His lips were close to her ear and she nodded in agreement as his hot breath stroked her cheeks in heavy and frequent pants.

"God, I'm gonna cum again. Fuck! Right there, keep going right there!" Bella grunted and groaned and finally released yet another powerful orgasm as he followed her with his own spasms and expletives. He stay inside her, rocking gently as he trailed soft kisses down her neck whispering between each kiss.

"That— _you_ —are better than I imagined after all these years." He left a kiss on her shoulder, then on her shoulder blade. He nuzzled his nose down her spine before he pulled out.

"Jake," she moaned softly. She felt him stop and all his heat left her. All of a sudden she felt cold and vulnerable.

"Seriously?" he asked, his voice terse. "After everything last night, and that just now…I mean, seriously?" He stumbled backwards as his feet hit the floor.

Realizing her mistake, she was mortified. She arched her head over her shoulder to look at him.

"Were you thinking of _him_ the whole time? Fuck!" he bent over and pulled on his jeans. Pain in her head pounded behind her eyes.

"No! Embry, wait," Bella tried, rolling over and crawling to the foot of the bed. She swayed as she stood up, trying to gain her balance as a wave of nausea rolled up her body. She didn't know if it was the hangover or disgust at herself for what she'd just done.

"Shit, he fucking warned me about this, too. I hate it when he's right and he's _always_ fucking right!" Embry bent over to pick up his t-shirt. "I hate that!" he yelled and Bella flinched. She was willing the contents of her stomach to stay down.

Bella didn't know what to say or do. Last night had been wonderful. It had been extraordinary. She was aware the whole time it was Embry. She remembered making the conscious choice to kiss Embry even though it was Jake she'd originally came back to win. She wasn't just using Embry as a proxy for Jake. She wasn't.

"Embry, I didn't mean it," Bella called as he opened the little compartment door and exited. Bella grabbed the top sheet and wrapped it around her, following him. "I had just woken up, I wasn't thinking of him last night. It was you I wanted to be with."

"But only last night while you were hurt. Shit. Where the hell are my shoes?" Embry spun around once, his eyes searching the floor but avoiding her. "Fuck it. I'll get them later." The generators were running signaling the busses were parked for the day, a circumstance Embry was very grateful for so he could make a dramatic exit.

"No, Embry! I—"

"Save it Bella. I know about rebound fucks. Jake was going to be yours, but he turned you down. I was the next best thing. After Edward. After Jake. Shit, I guess I came in before Quil. I get it since we all seem to look alike." His tone was bitter and sardonic. Bella winced at the slight. "Goodbye, _Bells_. Glad I could oblige you for the night." The door slammed shut and Bella was left in deafening silence. Her head pounded to the same quick beat of her heart.

Bella wanted to cry, but she couldn't find the energy. She just felt numb. How had she managed to fuck up so many things? She never should have left Jacob that morning so long ago. That had been made abundantly clear two weeks after her wedding night when she confessed and Edward discovered he wasn't her first. He'd never forgiven her for that. He took it out on her for the rest of their marriage until she finally couldn't take it anymore.

That's why she came back to Jake. She had to come see if there was any kind of love that lasted like he'd promised. If there was a kind of love that could survive anything, it would be Jake's love for her.

But she was wrong.

He'd rejected her for another woman. She couldn't blame him. If she was honest with herself, Carli, or Ness, whatever her name was, was a good choice. Bella hadn't realized all that Jake had been through over the last ten years. He'd almost destroyed his body from drinking and who knows what else? Bella hadn't had time to absorb that fact. Maybe he did love her that much.

She'd fucked up his life, too.

She didn't have the energy to think about that. Or anything. The only thing she could think to do was get ready for the day. She didn't know what the hell she was going to do after that. She couldn't show her face outside the bus. She'd been rejected by Jake, told off my Carli, fucked by Embry and then hurt him, too.

She'd just finished putting her hair in a messy bun after a quick shower and donning her new clothes when there was a knock at the door. She pinched the bridge of her nose to try to stem the dull ache a bit. She was scared to answer it, but she moved to stand right in front of it. Someone pounded again a little louder.

"Bella, I know you're in there," Quil's voice sang from out the door. "Come on. It's time for my interview. Don't leave me out."

That made Bella angry enough to open the door to yell at him.

"Fuck you, Quil Ateara!" Bella stood there flushed and breathing heavily trying to control her anger.

"No thank you. I have a girlfriend," Quil beamed. It was then that Bella realized that Quil hadn't meant to be offensive with his comment about leaving him out. She thought he meant that he was the only one she hadn't hit on, but he was one of the few she hadn't interviewed yet. The earnest look on his face told her that he was a little shocked by her greeting, and his reply told her that he wasn't offended.

"Oh, god. I'm sorry, Quil. Come on in. I thought you meant…" she trailed off because she didn't want him to guess what she thought he meant.

"I know what you thought I meant. I'm glad you thought better of me though," he said and he pushed his way inside. "How are you feeling?"

She didn't know how to respond to that. So she thought about his question; she was sore. She hadn't had sex like that in…well ever. Embry did things to her and made her feel things that she'd never even imagined. And they'd been up most of the night doing them. She'd only dozed off for a little while before she woke up to Embry eating her out. No one had ever done that to her.

"Fine," she managed to say.

"You had quite a bit to drink before Embry brought you back here. I was worried you'd be sick." He handed her a paper bag she just noticed he was carrying. "They're the greasiest breakfast tacos I could find someone to make," he beamed. She smiled back at him.

"That is so sweet. You were always so thoughtful," Bella said. She held back a sob at his kindness. She was wrong; she wasn't numb. This one act of kindness made her feel worse and utterly worthless. She didn't deserve it.

"No, I was always horny and looking for a way into your pants. But I did that with all girls, so don't go misreading that," he added when her smile faulted.

"And now that you've got Claire you don't have to try, so you really are this sweet after all?" Bella asked. Quil smiled shyly. Bella thought it was cute how he and Claire were so sweet on each other.

"Nope, now I'm just worried about my friends," Quil said, his face and tone turning serious. "Bella, you've had a fucked up life and that's made you a little emotionally unstable. Hell, most of us on this tour have faced similar challenges. Some of us have handled them well and others haven't. Paul and Jake fell off the deep end and they almost drowned. But they've been saved and now we're not just surviving, we're thriving. Do you get me?" Bella nodded. She'd never heard Quil talk this much or in such a serious tone, ever.

"I like you, Bella, but I can't let you come in here and just fuck everything up. Do you understand?" Bella flopped down in the recliner to try to regain some rationality.

"So I'm to be blamed for everything that's wrong past and present?" Bella's voice cracked with emotion. She was wrong again. She felt even worse. She just kept spiraling down and every time she thought she hit the bottom, she fell even more. Quil looked at her for a moment.

"I didn't say that," Quil said with a little more compassion, his eyes open and honest. "Don't do that girl thing and read into everything I say." Last night that would have offended Bella, but she couldn't find the energy to care so she just listened. "Look, from what I hear, Ness gave you a pretty good scolding and set you straight about her and Jake. I won't belabor that point." Bella slumped a little so Quil moved over to the sofa next to Bella chair.

"Now, I play a dumbass most of the time, but I am not oblivious to what goes on around me. Jake tried to blame you for his shit for years and he never got better. It wasn't until he started owning his mistakes that he actually made progress. He has Ness to help him now and she is the best thing for him because she calls him on his shit." Quil ran his fingers through his hair and pointed to the bag. "There's a napkin in that bag. You can use it to blow your nose," he added.

"Thank you," Bella sniffed. He was still being so nice.

"Embry on the other hand, he hasn't dealt with many of his issues and you just added a whopper to his. He's loved you for just as long as Jake and he's had years of jealously and resentment building up because he thought for sure that Jake drove you away with something stupid he said or did. Jake wouldn't tell us what happened that night you stayed after that bonfire and it's been, like, a big fuckin' secret for over ten years."

"Really?" Bella asked. "He didn't tell anyone?" Bella wondered why. She would have understood if he bragged about their night together. He was only sixteen when she had basically attacked him. Was he ashamed of what they did? He couldn't be. She had the letter he wrote her two weeks after she eloped. Jake'd said that he'd cherish that night forever and hoped she'd do the same no matter who she married.

She did cherish that night. It was the one shining memory in her dark, dreary life. And she had no one to blame for it but herself. She'd tried to blame Edward. She'd tried to blame Renee and Charlie and even Alice at one point. But when it all came down to it, she chose the path the morning she woke up in Jake's arms and decided to run to Edward's who had promised her the world.

He never promised to make her happy.

She assumed that was a given.

"Bella?" Quil asked.

"He didn't have to tell anyone. He wrote enough songs about me. Everyone knows. _Ness_ knows," Bella spat. Quil smiled at her vitriol.

"Yes, I suppose Ness does know what happened. She deserves to know. And Jake knows every sordid detail of Ness's troubled past, too. Those two were custom made for each other no matter what Embry wants to think." The last part was muttered and Bella didn't quite catch it.

"He used to say that about me," Bella whined.

"And you were, at the time. But shit happened. You left him. He make a series of really fucked up decisions and neither of you kept in contact with the other. You grew apart. _Ness_ is his fit now, Bella. Not you. And why did you sleep with Embry? You already fucked Jake over by leaving him for Edward. Did you think screwing Embry was going to hurt Jake?"

Bella shook her head. "No, I…"

"Because all that succeeded in doing is messing up Embry's head and that, Bella, is the reason I'm upset with you. You've done the same thing to _two_ of my brothers now. And you need to stop."

Bella was falling again. The free fall was never ending. Her heart and head ached even more. She felt the hot tears break over the dams of her lids and slide down her cheek. She shook her head and put her arms out to try to stead herself. Everything felt like it was spinning.

"I didn't mean to mess with Embry's head. I wasn't using him to get back at Jake. I wasn't thinking about that at all. I was so hurt and he was so kind to me. He told me what I wanted to hear. He helped me relax. He made me feel pretty and sexy." She pulled her arms back in and wrapped them around her waist. She didn't notice Quil's face soften as she rocked back and forth. "He made me feel wanted. Then…" Bella felt herself falling again, "then he accused me of using him for a rebound fuck. I've had plenty of those. Hell, I had one on the plane on the way here. But last night, that was something totally different. Then I fucked _that_ up…"

"I heard," Quil said.

"What is wrong with me?" Bella moaned, collapsing over her legs. She found Quil extremely easy to talk to and she had no idea why. She'd been at ease with Embry, too, but she realized that he was flirting with her during his interview. Quil was taken and his only concern was to protect his friends. He wasn't even there to put her down or demoralize her. He seemed to really care about her and that made feel even worse.

"Sounds like you're using sex to find some self-worth, Bella. That's not gonna work," Quil advised.

"Thanks," Bella mumbled, resting her head on her knees. She wondered if the whole fucking band watched the TV psychologist together. Leaning over made her girly parts hurt and that made her remember her night with Embry all over again. "Well, at least I'll give you guys material for your next album."

"Bella, how many songs do you think are about you?" Quil asked. She sat up and looked at him. She'd been listening to their CDs so much lately she was getting really familiar with their library. She liked to imagine the sweet songs and ballads were about her and Jake's fond memories, but Ness had informed her otherwise.

"Well, Ness—what kind of name is that anyway?"

"Don't even go there," Quil warned. "Answer my question."

"She said that his raw, angry stuff comes from his memories of me and what I did to him. So I guess all the angry and bitter ones. _The Bitch Came Back_ , _Bad Girlfriend_ , _Drag Me to Hell_ , _Love is Shit._ Shall I go on?"

Quil smiled at her.

"What is that? I don't know what that smile means," Bella said a little annoyed. At least the tears stopped. And the emotional freefall.

"Yes, the raw, harsh guitar riffs come from those places. But the _Bitch Came Back_ is talking about Jake's ex, Lauren, not you. _Bad Girlfriend_ was a collaboration between all of us about many different women, mostly Paul's. Anytime the word _tits_ appear in a song, that would be my contribution. Jake hates that word." He chuckled again. " _Love is Hell_ draws on you a bit, but it also about Ness, too. She left him after he cheated on her. He hit another low and bottomed out."

"Is that when…" Bella only asked half the question and Quil nodded.

"He almost died. He's young enough that his body recovered, but the doctors told him that he wouldn't survive another episode like that. He's been sober ever since and uber healthy eating and work out habits. It scared the shit out of him."

"Is that when Ness came back to him?" Bella asked.

"I'm not here to tell you that story," Quil said. "I just wanted you to know that he finally figured his shit out and is taking responsibility for it. You need to do the same. Not all our bad songs are written about you. Maybe you should listen to them and see if they apply to _your_ life separate from why you think _we_ wrote them," he suggested. "That's the beautiful thing about music. We may have written it for one person or reason, but the way they can be applied by individuals and their problems and lives…well that's what makes people identify with us and pay us hundreds of dollars to meet us and shake our hands." He winked at her.

"Okay," she said. She was ready to be alone again and do some thinking and maybe some writing. Writing had pulled her through the darkest times with Edward. It gave her something to focus on other than the hell her life had become. Maybe _Love is Shit_ did apply to her life. And Edward had drug her to hell, too.

"You're going to hang around, right? You're not leaving just because of all this shit?" Quil asked. Bella had been considering what she was going to do. She'd have to call a cab to get to the airport if she wanted to leave, but she didn't want to go back to her apartment. She didn't want to go back to her life. The past few days on tour with the guys had been so…liberating. She felt like herself again. And even if Jake had refused her and she'd fucked things up with Embry, if they'd have her, she'd want to stay.

"I'd like to, I think," she finally answered. "I just don't know if I'm wanted." She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth.

"Bella, this whole operation if staffed by fuckups. I'm not saying you're a fuckup," he added quickly, "but I can see that you feel that way. This is the best place for you. No one will judge you because no one has the right to." Bella couldn't help herself, she threw her arms around Quil who just hugged her back for a few moments.

"You need love without the lovin'," Quil cooed into her neck, squeezing her a little tighter. "You're gonna be okay, Bella." He held her for just a few more moments before he pulled way. "So, what do you have planned for the rest of the day?"

"I have no idea. I really don't want to see anyone or be seen by anyone," Bella admitted.

"We are, thankfully, off tonight. Our next concert is tomorrow. Do you want to come to the concert then? Alan can show you around until then if you want to keep observing."

Bella didn't know if she could continue to write this story objectively. But then again, maybe she needed some more input from other people. The conversation in the sound booth was actually interesting—before she was told off by Jake's new girlfriend—to hear how loyal those men were to the band. They must be doing something right and good.

Her original purpose to write and expose on misogynistic lyrics seemed trite now. She'd watched how many women sang along to the songs and actually loved them. Maybe should could hang out in the audience and just observe with no one around her to influence her observations. Claire and her friends were gone.

"Yeah, I think I do want that. Can you send Alan in to discuss my options?" Bella finally decided.

"Sure, sure," Quil said. "I love you, Bella Swan. And you're awesome. I think you just need to remember who you were before Edward destroyed _you_." He looked her square in the eyes. "I think I still see her in there, though." He pulled down the bottom of her right eye with his forefinger. "Yep, I think Bells is still buried deeeeep down there." He hugged her again and left.

"Shit," Bella moaned aloud. She spent the next four hours listening to music and writing up her thoughts about what she'd seen and learned over the past couple of days. She even called and talked to Eric Yorkie again, who was very pleased to talk with her. He helped her compile a list of questions for different people doing different jobs in the whole production. She was grateful for his help because she wouldn't have known where to begin.

She ignored several calls from Alice, because she just couldn't bear to hear from a Cullen on the day she'd made so many mistakes. In between all her work, though, she was trying to figure out how she was going to try to fix what she'd done. Quil had given her a lot to think about.

She had to at least try.

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 **A/N: Okay, I lied. It got a little worse. But it gets better from here.**

 **Thoughts?**


	14. Ch 14:Living My Life Like a Country Song

**A/N: Hey all! Want to see how Embry's doing?**

 **Thank you for the support.**

 **Thanks to MarinaNamaste for her beta genius. Help me repay her by going to read her NEW story, _Runaways_. She'll probably update today.**

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"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Jake asked Embry who was throwing things around the small kitchenette of the main tour bus.

"Nothing," Embry mumbled. "Where's the fucking coffee?" Ness stood up from Jake's lap and moved over to the cabinet where she pulled down a mug. "I can fucking do it on my own!" he roared.

"I know, Embry. But let me," she said softly. "Go sit down." Ness inserted his favorite flavor into the Keurig machine and added a touch of honey—a trick she'd learned from Sven the herbalist.

"You gonna talk about it?" Jake asked. They all knew where Embry spent the night. It was Ness's job to make sure everyone was on the busses when they rolled out and to know who was on what bus. Trackers on their phones made the job easy with an app that one of the tech guys back in La Push wrote.

"Why would I want to do that?" Embry growled. Ness handed him his mug and his face softened and he made hesitant eye contact with her. "Thanks," he muttered.

"Because been there, done that, know how it feels," Jake said looking at his friend and brother. Ness was perched back on Jake's lap. She wasn't usually so clingy, but they'd had a rough couple of days. They both needed to touch when they were out of the public's eye.

"You do _not_ know how this feels," Embry's tone was matter-of-fact and calm. It was almost scary. He sipped his coffee and his face hardened again.

"What, I don't know how it feels to be fucked by her and then have her leave me high and dry?" Jake asked.

"I wouldn't know," Embry said. "You never told us what actually happened. Did she moan out Edward's name after you'd given her a fantastic orgasm?"

"No," Jake admitted. "She called out Edward's name?" Jake looked over at him, confused. Ness was looking at Embry and she saw his pain and his sadness.

"No, Jake," she whispered. "She called out yours."

"Fuck," Jake breathed out. "Em, I'm so sorry."

"No, you're not! You sit there with the perfect woman perched on your lap while you pity me for fucking the other woman you discarded."

"You stop it right now," Ness said. "You don't get to pull _this_ shit on Jake. _You_ rejected _me_ , remember?" Jake looked at Ness with sheer confusion. He had no idea what she was talking about.

"Yeah, I remember. Don't you think I've regretted that a million times over by now?" Embry asked, his voice laced with more pain. Jake wanted to ask what the fuck they were talking about, but he couldn't find his voice. So he just watched their conversation. Ness stood up and moved to kneel before Embry.

"Em, you are so kind and sweet and funny. You made my first few months here fun and you made me love my job even when I had to put up with that dumbshit." She gestured back to Jake.

"Hey!" Jake managed to spit out.

"Shut up. You know you were a dick," Ness said. Embry chuckled despite himself. She kept her eyes on Embry. "I thought you were what I wanted. And you were at the time. I threw myself at you and you were smarter than I think you give yourself credit for. You knew we were better as friends. You have always been in control. You are the one who has always been able to maintain balance in this crazy lifestyle. You knew that getting involved with me would throw off that balance. And it would have." Embry took her hands and kissed the back of them. Jake's jealously flared for a moment before Ness's soft chuckle stopped him.

"You did the same thing when you told me we'd be better friends. Are you telling me you remember now?" she asked him.

"Yes." Embry didn't look at Jake, he kept his eyes on Ness. "I remember and you're right. I'm just jealous of what you have. It's not fair that he's the one who's fucked up royally at every turn and he gets the ultimate happiness. It's not fair! _I'm_ the good guy and he gets someone like you?"

"I'm more than you can handle, Embry," she smiled. "I'm royally fucked up, too. I would have shredded you because you don't have the ability to disassociate and shut off your emotions like Jake does. Nor do you want it. I say and do things that are very hurtful and he can take it. It would destroy you."

"So you're telling me I'm not as strong as him?" Embry asked.

"No, dipshit. She's telling you that you're the most stable one and she doesn't want to break you." No one had seen or heard Paul come in, but he was perched on the arm of the sofa. The tender moment was gone—Paul had broken it.

"Fucking great," Embry said pulling his hands away from Ness. He stood up and paced back and forth a few times.

"Why didn't I know about any of this?" Jake asked, his voice concerned and his eyes bouncing between Ness and Embry.

"Because you two were already struggling in your friendship and I didn't want to add to that," Ness confessed. "Please don't read more into it than there is."

"I'm not," Jake said. After everything he'd put her through in the past few days, he knew better. They'd proven their fidelity to each other. He wasn't going to get upset over something that happened years ago.

"Because I'm not a threat?" Embry asked, the bitterness creeping in his voice again.

"What the fuck is your problem, man?" Jake said rising to Embry's taunt. "You become more and more of an asshole every single day!"

"My problem? Are you really that stupid? Or are you just that selfish? You used to tell me things, man. You used to confide in me. I find out now that you and Bella actually fucked you before she left you. A fact Ness seems to know, but not me, your best friend for your whole, rotten, fucked up life. Let's put aside for a moment—because you seem to have forgotten—that I'm actually your half-brother and you got the actually be in our father's life and house. But then you go to rehab with this fucker," he pointed to Paul, "and suddenly _he's_ your best friend? You write songs with him. You talk to him. You work out with him. What the fuck is that? Do you fuck Ness with him, too?" No one saw Jake's fist fly through the air or make contact with Embry's face because it was too fast. The blood that erupted from his nose was the only evidence.

"Stop!" Ness screamed, as Paul leapt up and held Jake from hitting Embry again.

"Let it go, man," Paul urged. "He's just trying to provoke you."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Ness asked looking at Embry. "That was out of line."

"It doesn't fucking matter. I'm done after this tour." Embry wiped blood away with the back of his arm. "Last night showed that you really don't need me on bass, and that was the only thing I had left." Embry didn't even look back as he exited the second tour bus that day feeling completely defeated and alone.

"Let him go," Paul said. "He needs to work through his shit." Seth had emerged from the back of the bus when he heard the commotion.

"No he doesn't. He needs to know he's needed," Seth said. "He needs to know he's _wanted_."

"What the fuck just happened here?" Jake asked, confused.

"Embry's being a pussy," Paul stated.

"No, he's jealous of all of us who took you away from him," Ness said. "Go follow him. Fix this. He can't leave the band. He does too much, whether he realizes it or not."

"Go," Seth urged, "because if he leaves, I go with him." Seth knew how important he was to the whole operation. They could get another specialist, but no one could ever replace Seth. That's when Jake realized that no one could ever replace Embry, either. He was the strong one of the group. He was the glue when all the shit was hitting the fan. Maybe it was time to focus on him.

"Fine." Jake jumped down the three steps off the bus and looked both ways to see if Embry was still in sight.

"Bob!" Jake called to the balding man lugging rolls of extension cable over his shoulder. "You seen Embry?"

"Yeah, he headed towards the sound booth," Bob called back.

"Great, thanks." They'd played this venue before, Jake knew it well. He high tailed it to the sound booth and found Embry at the controls mindlessly moving levers back and forth. The place was deserted and Jake figured everyone was at lunch.

"I don't want to talk to you," Embry said, wiping blood from his nose again.

"You're fucking gross. Go wash that shit off." Jake was going to try to keep it light because he knew Embry wanted to talk. He wouldn't have gone someplace this easy to find him if he didn't want to be found.

Embry got up and moved to the sink and washed the blood off his arm and face. A thin line of blood still trickled out his nose, but he grabbed some paper towels and used to the wipe it until it stopped.

"Dude, I didn't know you felt that way," Jake finally said.

"How could you? You haven't talked to me in years."

"That's not true," Jake protested. He talked to Embry every day.

"Yes it is. I don't know why you quit confiding in me, Jake, but that shit hurts worse that what Bella just did to me." Jake didn't know what to say to that. He didn't realize he had quit confiding in Embry. Now that he thought about it, he and Embry hadn't had a really deep conversation since he came back from rehab.

"I don't know why, either," Jake finally admitted. "It wasn't a conscious thing, Em." He thought back to how hard that time was. Trying to win Ness back, struggling with his health issues. That didn't even touch the fact that Billy's health had taken a turn for the worse and Paul the heroin addict—who'd divulged all his issues during group—wanted to marry his sister. He didn't talk about any of that shit with Embry. Maybe he should have.

"I guess I didn't want to pull you down into all my shit. I finally realized that I was the cause of most of my problems and I didn't want to mess up your life even more."

"That's where _World War Me_ came from?" Embry asked, referring to their little known song on their latest CD.

"Yeah. And I got the wording wrong, Em. _I'm the only casualty_ —I'm not." He paused, letting the quiet of the air settle between them. "I've wounded countless people. You're my best friend. I didn't want to pull you down, too."

"But you pulled Ness into it," Embry accused.

"Embry, she's more wounded that most people even suspect. She carries a lot of shit around with her. We're both so fucking lost we found each other. Together we're getting back on track. The best decision you ever made, apparently, was turning down her advances. Which, by the way, neither one of you told me about. So who's keeping things from who, now?" Jake smiled to show him that there really was no ill will.

"Yeah, I suspected as much. Even when you were chasing her and she kept turning you down, I knew you two were perfect for each other. That's why I turned her down. I could see it even if she couldn't. I was—am flattered that she saw me as a safer choice. But I knew in the end it'd be you. Why is that Jake? Why are people drawn to you?"

"Honestly, I don't fucking know," Jake said. He didn't try to argue with Embry. It was one of the reasons that Jake didn't want to be the front man of the band. People were just drawn to him already, he didn't need the added attention of being the lead singer to add to his shit. Paul loved the attention, whereas Jake never did. "It's more of a curse than anything else."

"Says the guy who gets all the women," Embry chuckled.

"You do okay all on your own," Jake responded "You wanna talk about what happened last night? With Bella?" Jake hedged.

"No, not yet," Embry returned. Jake smiled when Embry continued on. "We had a connection. I know I didn't imagine that. I know she wasn't thinking about you all night. She moaned my name first. There was wonder in her eyes when I made her come." One side of Embry's mouth quirked up in a smile. "You must have been shit, man."

"Hey!" Jake protested. "I was only sixteen."

"Well, then Edward must have been shit. Does this bother you?" he asked. Jake shook his head. "Well, fuck. I was hoping it would a little. Anyway, I know she was with _me_ for the night, but then she fell asleep. I thought I'd wake her up in a pleasant way and we did it again and it was amazing. I told her that this was the way it was always supposed to be and then she sighed your name. _Your_ name."

"Dude. I'm sorry. I know she regrets marrying Edward. Billy told me that she regretted marrying Edward pretty soon after it happened. She'd made some comment to Charlie about a year later and then that's when she quit visiting home all together. She's probably regretting a lot of things right now. But Em," Jake sat forward in the rollie chair he'd reclined in, "if anyone can pull her back to the old Bella, it's you."

"What makes you say that?" Embry asked.

"Because you've loved her as long as I have. You didn't know her as well as I did, but that's because I took up all her time. She's a different person now and she needs someone who will invest in her. Help her figure out who _she_ is and what _she_ wants to be now that she's away from that fucker. She may have sighed my name this morning in the waking hours of a hangover, but she can't have me. She knows that now. You're the better person to fill that need anyway."

"What do you mean, better?" Embry asked.

"Even if I didn't have Ness, I'd never be able to completely forgive her for what she did. No matter how much therapy I do, mantras I chant, or tires I turn over, she cut me too deeply. I think what she did this morning was her realization of that after her talk with Ness and her night with you. At least give her the opportunity to explain. For your benefit and for hers." Embry considered that for a few beats. He could do that. She had tried to explain something to him, and he left before he gave her a chance. He could at least listen to her.

"Okay," Embry said.

"One last thing," Jake said with a little smirk.

"What?"

"You're really jealous of Paul? Really? That guy's a fucking asshole! I only hang out with him because my sister would tear my nuts off if I ever let him out of my sight on tour."

Embry barked a laugh that was filled with both true mirth and relief.

"Okay, okay. Enough touchy, feely, faggot talk," Embry said. "We got enough of that already around here." Embry got up and headed towards the door. His nose had quit bleeding. "Let's go get something to eat."

"What do you mean, faggot talk? Alan?" Jake asked, following him out.

"And Seth," Embry revealed with a grin.

"What?" Jake said as the door of the sound booth slammed shut.

* * *

 **So? Thoughts?**


	15. Ch 15: The Truth Is

**A/N: We're gonna start winding down soon. The chapters I'm working on are all the little sum ups that I get bored with so I never seem to finish a story. But I'm going to finish this one and Just the Way You Are. I've backlogged Marina with 4 chapters. MarinaNamaste is my beta. Her new story Runaways is starting to take off. Read it if you haven't already started. :)**

 **Here we go.**

* * *

"You need to go talk to her again," Ness said, putting down her sandwich, "both of you." Jake and Embry both looked up at her with the same shocked expression. She laughed out loud it was so cute.

"Together?" Embry said and waggled his eyebrows. Ness frowned. "Too soon?" he asked.

Jake cuffed the back of his head. "It's only been a fuckin' day, you shit head." They'd spent their night off watching Downton Abby on their tour bus. It was quality brother time.

"I don't like what she did to Jake all those years ago or to you yesterday morning, but it sounds like she's royally fucked up after years with that Edward guy. The more you guys talk about him—well just…damn." They'd spent their lunch discussing what a douchebag Edward was and how Bella's personality changed whenever she was with him. "She needs our 'mother-fucking therapy.'" Ness quoted the song _Heavy_.

"God, I love it when you cuss," Jake leaned over and kissed her hard on the mouth. Ness was breathless when he pulled away.

"Knock that shit off. I'm still bitter even if we did just kiss and make up," Embry smirked at Jake. Jake pulled back from Ness.

"I'm the one who should be pissed," Jake said, chewing the olive Ness had pushed into his mouth, "I just found out you fucked my ex-girlfriend, my current girlfriend threw herself at you and you mercilessly rejected her when she did. Talk about some serious manifestations of angst by hittin' below the psychological belt."

Embry's face got serious. "You know I didn't do that with Bella to fuck with you, right?"

Ness looked at him and considered Embry's choice of words while Jake responded. She noted that he didn't talk about _fucking_ Bella.

"I know that, Em. I'm not angry with you. I'm angry at her. She was using you to get back at me. That shit pisses me off. She doesn't know how much you've liked her all these years."

"Well, Embry, I'm not sure Bella is totally to blame," Ness said, taking another bite of her sandwich and chewing while the boys stared at her again with that shocked expression.

"What do you mean?" Jake finally asked.

"Okay," Ness began, "she comes here after her marriage crumbles—and we all know she wanted Jake back—and then she's rejected _again_. Not only that, she has to face me—the woman who was keeping her from the man she _thinks_ would solve all her problems—and I wasn't very kind to her. In fact, I called her a bitch and said some pretty ugly things. Then, broken and sobbing, she's found by Embry, Jake's half-brother—not that she knows that, but the resemblance is amazing—who then gets her tipsy to drunk. Embry, you _knew_ she was hurting. You _knew_ she was vulnerable. You _knew_ she wasn't completely sober. Looking at this from a different angle, _you_ totally took advantage of _her_." Embry blinked back at Ness before he finally realized his mouth was open and full of food. He swallowed and cleared his throat.

"And then I accused her of using me and left her all alone again," Embry said his face falling.

"Rejected," Jake added.

"Fuck," they both said together. Ness waved her hands in the air as if to clear away smoke. She just wanted to show them that they weren't as innocent as they may have believed themselves to be.

"Quil's been checking in on her," Ness said. "He didn't say much when he came back, so I'm assuming things weren't too bad. He would have said something if they were."

"You sent Quil?" Embry's voice cracked, looking worried.

"Quil Ateara V? Our drummer who can't hang on to his own drum sticks?" Jake asked, incredulous.

"You two need to back off and maybe take some lessons from Quil," Ness said popping a potato chip in her mouth. "He's the only one who has been able to keep a steady girlfriend for any length of time without significant drama." Jake and Embry were about to argue, but when they both thought about it they realized that Ness was completely right. "Why do you think that is?"

Neither one of them had an answer. Quil was similar to Embry in that he never went overboard with the drugs and alcohol, even in the early days of the band when it was all new, easy to get, and plentiful. But unlike Embry, Quil never took advantage of the women that threw themselves at band members either. He was just never interested. He was horny—he made that painfully obvious to everyone—but he never indulged in the sexual escapades like all the other band members and many of the roadies.

"He's a dumbshit?" Embry tried weakly.

"Nope," Ness answered. "He's just got a good heart and knows how to treat Claire right. She's enough for him and they both have you fooled by appearing dumber than they actually are." Ness smiled while the two of them digested what she said. "Quil will do more to help Bella than you and Paul's therapist would." Ness smiled at her own joke.

"What do you mean he has us fooled?" Embry asked.

"I mean," Ness looked right at him, "he likes to be underestimated so too much isn't expected of him. He's actually quite clever."

"It is her job to know who can do what," Jake added. "Shit! We kinda treat him like shit."

"Fucker deserves it. If he plays a dumbshit, I'm gonna treat him like a dumbshit," Embry said a little defensively. Ness smiled and nodded. She wondered how long it would take them to figure things out about Seth.

Ness spent both afternoons dealing with Aro, who'd shown up unexpectedly to deliver the new sound board. It was mentally exhausting to keep up with his coy remarks and not-so-subtle flirting. She was grateful that Jake had a double session with Emmett that day because he'd go ape-shit if he heard some of the things that creepy old man said to her.

But, in the end, she got the customized sound board for half of what he originally quoted—she knew he was still making an ample profit because Ness did her homework—as well as covert training session for the guys. She had a way of asking questions that forced Aro to address each guy in the booth. Aro usually charged extra for training sessions, but the questions that Ness prompted from each of the guys during installation, meant that extra lessons wouldn't be needed.

"You are absolutely brilliant!" Brady commented when Aro finally exited the sound booth. "Does he even realize he just totally explained how to work the entire system without his 'lessons'?" Ness smirked and shook her head.

"Nope," she popped the "p". "And I should give you guys a raise for keeping up." She winked at them.

"Why don't you?" Collin asked.

"I just might, boys. I just might." Ness looked back at Collin, Brady, and Jarred, winking at them. "You guys are awesome. I hope you know how much you're appreciated."

"We know, Ness," Jarred said, "and not just from our paychecks." He cleared his throat and looked a little nervous.

"What is it?" she asked.

"How are you?" Jarred ventured. "I mean, after the other night and all the stuff that bitch said. You and Jake are okay, right?" Ness's heart wrenched.

"First of all, I shouldn't have done that in front of you guys and I apologize for that display. It was very unprofessional. Secondly, be careful what you call her. She's really been through a lot and despite what she put Jake through, he still cares for her a great deal and would not be happy to hear you talk about her like that. And thirdly, Jake and I are better than ever. I'm not saying that to cover anything. He needed to deal with his unresolved feelings and he did just that." Ness looked at each one of them individually to convey her point. They all visibly relaxed at the end of her speech.

"Good," Brady sighed.

"How can you be so nice about all of this?" Collin asked.

"Because I just spent the morning listening to stories about her ex-husband. He was an asshole. It's no wonder she came back to Jake. I would have thought less about her if she hadn't," Ness confessed. They all took a few moments to consider that.

"Okay," Jarred said.

"We'll be pleasant, but you can't make us like her," Brady said.

"That's all I ask," Ness smiled. "You guys really are the best. You'll get a bonus no matter what," she winked again. "I gotta go catch up on everything." Ness needed to catch up on all the things she'd put on the back burner after their night off. She picked up her radio and mashed the button. "Sam, the new sound board is ready and all the guys are needed on stage for sound check ASAP. Get the light guys to show up, too so they can coordinate the new stuff."

"10-4," Sam's reply came back with a squelch.

"Alan, do you copy that?" Ness asked.

"Copy that. I'll go check on all of them," Alan said.

Ness headed back to the lead bus where most of her things had been transferred to get ready for the night. She had about an hour off to eat, shower, and rest up. A quick shower and a change of clothes made her feel a world better. She made herself a turkey sandwich and popped the top of a grape soda—stupid Paul—and sat at the table. She'd just taken a bite of her sandwich when there was a light knock at the door. Ness put her phone down, sending the last message off to the billing department and opened the door without looking at who it was. They'd done the correct knock.

"Um, hey," Bella said timidly when she registered Ness's shocked expression. "Can I come in and talk for a moment?" Ness didn't move. She didn't know if she was ready for this confrontation yet. She'd encouraged Jake and Embry to go talk to her, but she wasn't ready for it herself yet. "I just want to apologize. Honest," Bella added. She crossed her heart and gave Ness a weak smile.

"Of course," Ness said, moving aside. "Forgive me." As Bella passed, Ness took stock of her casual appearance. Bella was dressed for comfort, not to impress anyone. Her hair hung down her back in a loose braid with little wisps that framed her face. She looked lovely. Ness could tell she was tired, but there was a peace about her that had not been present thus far in their acquaintance.

"Um, I don't know where to begin," Bella admitted. Ness gestured for her to have a seat. "Oh, I'm interrupting your meal. Should I come back?"

"Nope. If you don't mind me eating while we talk. I would never eat if I didn't multi-task," Ness smiled. "Want some chips?"

"Okay." Bella took a deep breath and Ness handed her a little bag of chips before she took another bite of her sandwich. "I'm assuming you heard about my night with Embry. You seem to know everything that goes on around here. Once I embraced that fact instead of resenting it, I figured some other things out, too. I'm rambling." Bella opened her bag of chips and popped one in her mouth and chewed. She swallowed as Ness watched her gather her thoughts. "I'm sorry for what I did to Embry and I have to fix things there. I was hoping I could enlist your help to get him to talk to me. Just so I can explain." Bella looked at her, pleading and she crinkled her chip bag.

"Well, I can tell him that you want to see him. I can tell him where you're going to be. But don't make me do more than that, please." Ness hoped Embry would talk to Bella on his own, but she wasn't going to force him. Bella just nodded.

"This is the hard part for me," Bella said as she wiped her hands on her jeans and bit her lip. I've spent the past two days researching and talking to Eric Yorkie who led me to some very revealing articles about different members of the band." Terror gripped Ness's heart and that must have shown on her face.

"Don't worry," Bella raised both her hands in surrender, "I have no intention in using that information in a negative way or against them. I needed to understand the history. Eric even refused to say anything he knew. He just pointed me in a direction. He was very careful to mention how much he appreciates his standing with you and the band and I don't want to wreck that."

"What did you find?" Ness asked and then closed her eyes. She was well aware of the articles that were written, published, and the ones that were buried but that could always resurface.

"I found that Paul and Jake had a very difficult time. Jake had a lousy run of girlfriends, and Paul's heroin addiction almost killed him. You mentioned yesterday that Jake almost died, but I couldn't find anything about that." Ness had buried that article herself. She still felt too responsible for that one. "Knowing all that really made their music make much more sense. When I finally took the time to put the songs in chronological order of when they were written as opposed to when they were recorded. I think I finally understand what role I played in it all." Bella crinkled the foil packet again as Ness swallowed another bite off her sandwich.

"So you know they're not all about you?" Ness asked, feeling a little guilty. "I didn't mean to imply that all the bad ones were about you. I was there for some of those bad girlfriends you mentioned."

"Yeah, _The Bitch Came Back_ is about Jake's ex, Lauren. Quil started me down that road. He basically told me to pull my head out of my ass. My time with Embry and Quil was the first time, in a long time, that someone actually expected me to be just…me. I can't explain it. But it jarred me to use the skills I spent many years honing instead of just relying on my past knowledge." Ness took one more bite as Bella rambled on. Ness suspected that she needed to verbalize her findings to help her analyze and synthesize.

"Which brings me to you," Bella said looking straight at Ness. "I finally realize—I think—the magnitude of what I did to Jake. I still need to talk to him about that, but I wanted to talk to you first. That understanding comes with a very heavy heart and an immense amount of guilt. But it makes me very grateful for you. The song _Hurricane_. I hate it." Bella smiled, despite her statement.

"Why?" Ness said, popping the rest of her sandwich in her mouth.

"Because it's eternal evidence of _Hurricane Bella_. It's their most popular song, I'm distressed to hear. But," she looked down at the chip packet in her hands, "that means that what he does resonates with people. You referenced that song yesterday. I'm glad you were there to help him sort through the mess I made. I didn't realize what a mess I'd made." Ness could see tears brimming in those big brown eyes. "Despite the fact that you shattered all my hopes of getting back together with Jake, I really like you." She looked up at Ness with an honesty Ness hadn't yet seen in Bella. "You're smart, capable, and you don't take shit from anyone." Bella bit her bottom lip again. "I wish I was more like you." That caught Ness off guard. She didn't want to idolized by anyone, least of all Isabella Swan.

"No. No, you don't," Ness sneered. "I've got my own issues." Ness cleared her throat while confusion registered on Bella's face. "Look, Bella, I know that Jake needs to talk to you again. I want to believe you and I am inclined to." Ness _really_ wanted Bella to be genuine. "What you've just told me leads me to believe that you're not out to win him back, but to heal old wounds. That's all Jake has wanted to do. I can support that."

"I'm sorry. For so much, I am sorry. Who knew that one really bad decision of a stupid, confused teenaged girl could affect so many people over the space of a decade?" Bella pondered. "Shit, it makes my head hurt thinking about it." She was silent for a few moments.

"What do you plan to do now?" Ness asked. "Do you feel comfortable staying for the allotted time?"

"If you will still have me," Bella bit her lip. "That's what I came here to discuss, actually. I have a totally new angle for this story than I originally anticipated and it's going to take that much more time. And," Bella shifted a little, "I still haven't interviewed Paul." The look of trepidation on Bella's face made Ness laugh out loud. The lightness of Ness's laugh actually made Bella smile.

"He's still that bad?" Bella asked with a grin.

"Worse. Sobriety makes him a bigger asshole. And," she looked down at her soda, "if he knew I was drinking one of his sodas he'd kill me."

With the majority of the dark clouds that had hung over Ness's shoulder now swept away, they talked about the schedule for the next few day and weeks. Bella had a ton of questions about Ness's job and responsibilities and the impromptu interview actually helped Ness get ahead on some of her tasks in a roundabout way.

Bella left the bus and Ness looked down and turned the volume on the radio clipped to her hip back up. She'd turned down the squelching beast when Bella was apologizing. It was ruining the mood.

"NESS!" Sam's voice blared through the machine. "Fuckin' answer me!" She'd turned it up way too loud.

"What Sam? Language?" Squelch.

"Have you looked at the VIP list?" Sam came back, almost frantic. She hadn't. Bella had asked many questions about that even though Claire and her friends basically explained it, but she hadn't checked the list. It was the last thing Ness needed to do before she left the bus. She pulled out the list as she answered.

"No. I'm doing it now," she answered back. Her eyes skimmed the list and her heart stopped at the name penciled in at the bottom. She recognized Alan's handwriting. It must have come in after she'd checked it yesterday and Alan printed it this morning.

"What are we going to do?" Sam asked.

"Let me handle this," Ness answered back.

"Oh, I was going to let you," Sam shot back. "But you better do something quick."

Bella no longer needed an escort now that all the security people knew who she was and the air was relatively clear with the guys. She didn't know how to get a hold of her to warn her. Ness looked back down at the neat letters printed in .07mm lead.

 ** _Edward Cullen_**.

* * *

 **A/N: Okay, I lied. We're gonna have one more hiccup.**

 **So?**


	16. Ch 16: Villain

**Okay, I can't find the review that requested that I use _Villain_. I don't know HOW it happened, but when I downloaded the songs from that album to my phone THAT song not download. I know it. I love it, but I had forgotten about it. And, when I look for chapter names, I go through my song list, but your review made me go to the CLOUD library and not only did I name this chapter for that song (thank you, btw), but I changed a chapter to include the lyrics. :) Great advice because it fits perfectly.**

 **That being said, MarinaNamaste makes everything better, too. She's my beta. If you're a Bella/Jake fan...go read her story Runaways.**

 **Here we go.**

* * *

Bella looked around at the mountains of notes covering the table and chairs and smiled. The last two days had been complete and utter emotional hell but that's when she'd always done her best writing. After Quil first left her, she took his advice and listened to all of Wolfman's songs in a different light. Instead of trying to figure out which songs were written about her or other women, she listened to them for how they applied to _her_ life. All of a sudden, _Love is Hell_ took on a completely different meaning. If she thought about Edward while singing the second verse, it made her giggle.

 _I'd rather be broke on the street  
Than be losing sleep over something you said  
I'd rather spend the weekend in jail  
And be stuck without bail  
Than have you stuck in my head  
I'd rather just play with myself  
Than deal with somebody else and get totally screwed_

The words were satirical in nature and as a writer, Bella appreciated the literary skill involved in writing them. She realized that Jake was a very talented writer in addition to being a highly respected musician. She set the song on repeat as she searched through old articles about individual members of the band.

 _I'd rather be stabbed and be cut into ribbons  
I'd rather be dead than the way you got me living  
I'd rather be shot in the heart and be bleeding  
I'd rather be left here alone than be needed_

Bella had a feeling that she'd be singing those songs loud and clear when she finally worked up enough nerve to show her face at a performance. She'd spent the rest of the day vacillating between being extremely angry and actually thinking about what Jake and Quil actually said to her.

Bella had always felt like there had been a void in her life. From her mother who always put her myriad boyfriends first to her father who remarried his job. When Bella'd finally made the wise decision to live with her more stable father, he was already spending ten to twelve hours a day at work and entrenched in that schedule. She couldn't begrudge him the time he wanted to spend fishing out on a peaceful lake. But that still left her alone. A lot.

Jake had filled her time. His bright, sunny smile warmed her world and he made her forget about the emptiness of both her homes. Jake didn't have anything, yet he always seemed so happy and content. That fascinated Bella. She wanted that kind of peace. His mother had died in a terrible car crash, his sisters abandoned him with an ailing father, and they were poorer than dirt managing only on Billy's disability and meager stipend as ceremonial chief of the shrinking tribe. Yet, Jake was the happiest person she knew. She was drawn to his light and his energy—it was like a magnetic pull.

However, the Jake she'd seen this week and the man she'd watched on YouTube was brooding and angry. She couldn't help but feel that she was responsible for that drastic change. She'd broken him the way Edward had broken her. And she'd been through enough therapy herself to gag on the mantra that "no one can _make_ you feel anything." Bella thought that was such shit. Edward made her feel stupid and insignificant. She was never good enough and she never measured up. He was very verbal about it and he did it by design. She didn't think he started that way, but in the end—it was his whole goal to make her feel as small as he could. It was true that she chose to feel that way, but with no other influences in her life, it was her only reality.

Bella finally agreed with Jake's assessment that she was an empty void. She had looked to Jake to fill the hole in her life. She left with Edward because he wooed her with the wonders that money could buy. She didn't necessarily crave the extravagance, but it made her feel cherished and special. She'd never been cherished in such a way.

But Bella soon realized that she was merely a challenge for him. When Edward and his family moved to Forks, Bella was so involved with Jake and his friends, that she didn't throw herself at Edward like the rest of the girls at school. Edward was completely perplexed by her behavior and enjoyed the game of gaining her attention and then winning her affections. When she finally relented, it seemed he lost interest. Their hurried elopement was exciting, but when the luster of a novel engagement of two young people dulled, in addition to discovering that she'd had one last night with Jake, Edward never looked at her the same.

And he spent the rest of their marriage reminding her of her betrayal.

And she'd made Jake feel the same way, though unintentionally. His new song, _Crutch_ , said it. _You never started loving me so you could never quit. I could rule the fucking world and you'd still think I'm shit. You turned your back on me, you have no family. In the end the devil gets what he deserves._ She didn't ever think he was shit, but she did turn her back on him. She turned her back on Charlie and everyone else in her life except the Cullens, so she understood how Jake came to that conclusion. Edward had isolated her and when she'd finally broken free, she'd discovered that all her bridges were burned. Well, except maybe Quil. He still checked in on her every few hours. And Seth came in to get some things from his compartment the night before and stayed and talked to her for almost an hour.

Bella had been angry about the fact that she was invited on tour and lied to about who Ness/Carli really was. But then she tried to put herself in their position and couldn't think how she would have handled it better. The truth be told, she _was_ going to write an article about their misogynistic lyrics that could have had a negative impact on all they'd built. And from what she'd learned, they were helping a lot of people back on the Rez and in Forks. Their businesses supported a lot of families and promoted education and creativity on many levels. There was even increased tourism in both Forks and the beaches on the rez. The more she learned the more it diffused her anger. They called her here to diffuse the bomb that could have destroyed so much for so many people.

So, they omitted the information about Ness to keep things from being uncomfortable. Looking back at herself only a week ago, Bella knew she would have been a bitch—well bitchier to Ness had Bella known all the facts. The person Bella was pretending to be a week ago would have decided to take Ness out in any way she could, and Bella is not sure who would have won the fight. She did know that it would have uglier than the situation she was in now and all Bella wanted to do was make things better.

Bella was tired of making the wrong choice. She was tired of being the storm in people's lives. Her conception was the storm in her mother's life. Her move to Forks was the storm in her father's life. When she was old enough to actually cause intentional damage—her conception and birth were not her fault, she knew—she'd hurt a lot of people.

And the strange thing was, everyone on tour were still pretty nice to her. Jake, even if his words had been harsh, told her he still loved her. Quil had been honest but kind and still checked in on her. He seemed to have everyone's best interest at heart. Embry had made love to her—which was a cluster fuck she needed to clear up. But the way she felt when she was with him, both in bed and out, was just…well, she felt whole.

But she couldn't help but wonder if Jake was right and she needed to figure out how to be whole without someone else. Quil had said she needed love without the lovin'. She smiled at that memory. She was still figuring that out, too.

That was hard. When the pain in her head and heart got to be too much, she'd dive back into work and writing.

Then, when she'd let her mind wander back on Carli, or Ness as everyone else seemed to call her, she couldn't help but like her. Bella's first impression of her was quiet and efficient. Bella had wanted to offer her a job. Efficient Carli had a way of putting Bella in her place in a very polite and professional way. Looking back on that first day, Bella couldn't believe how she acted. Bella had been so snide and condescending; she could barely stand to think about herself. Being on this tour, wearing normal clothes, and being around people who were just…real, well she realized how pretentious her life had really become.

That's why she hadn't left when things got so bad. No matter how angry she was, or how hurt, or how disappointed that she wasn't ever going to be with Jake, she knew that she could just be herself here. Even if she didn't know who that was, she knew that here, with these people, doing what they were doing, that was just okay. As long as she didn't get in the way and respected what people did and their time, she was treated like anyone else. God, she'd forgotten what it was like to just be accepted _as is_.

When she was tired of thinking about it all—and feeling—she threw herself into work. She read articles, talked to Eric Yorkie on the phone, and listened to music. She wrote outlines and revised them. She talked to people, asked them questions, and answered any they threw back at her. Despite all the bad stuff, she didn't want to leave. So she sucked it up, swallowed her pride, and went to talk to Carli…Ness.

She hadn't expected their meeting to go so well. Again, she couldn't help but like the woman. And the more she thought about it, the more she liked that Jake seemed happier. There was a difference in the angry man who wrote the words _Love is hell, love is shit can't you tell I've had enough of it_ and the man she spied nuzzling Ness's neck this morning when she came around the bus and they thought no one was around. She'd giggled at him and pushed him away so she could run off to wherever they needed her. His look lingered as she walked away. It had made her angry, but only at herself. She could have had that. That could have been her.

But she left him to go be with Edward. Edward who had promised her the world, but kept her locked in a cage of overprotectiveness and self-doubt. He was emotionally abusive before she found out about his long-term affair with Kate Denali, his personal assistant. His subtle and endless comparisons of the two women drove her to get her degree, though. Now she was educated and a successful and respected journalist.

Back to writing and research and outlines. She wanted to join the VIP group and ask them questions now that she had a much better and personal knowledge of the music and lyrics. Ness had helped her flesh out some questions and made her feel better about staying on for the duration of her time. She had over a week left. She'd wanted to ask for even more time—possibly even end the tour, but she thought she'd wait until after she talked with Embry.

Shit. Embry. What was she going to say to him? She didn't even know where to begin. Thinking about him gave her butterflies. She refused to let her mind wander to their night together. His hands on her body, his arms wrapped around her all night, his lips on hers, his tongue…everywhere. She actually hadn't slept more than a few hours since then. She couldn't bring herself to go back to that bed. She'd napped in the recliner, and even woke up one time drooling all over her notes on the table.

Back to the outlines. Bella sorted them, put them in order, filed them, and packed the necessary ones in her backpack she'd picked up from the shop just across the street from the venue. She also packed her still-silent (powered off) phone, a snack, two bottles of water, and her wallet. She liked her new purple back pack. It was the perfect size for the things she wanted to haul around the venue, secure so she didn't have to worry about people pickpocketing, and (her favorite part) had just enough sequins to be sparkly. Bella always liked sparkly accessories, but her tastes were always frowned upon by her uber-fashion conscious in-laws. She smiled at her new backpack, threw the straps over her shoulders and exited the bus that had actually become her place of refuge.

The pre-show was underway, and Bella knew that the VIPs from the meet and greet would be in a group near the stage. She wore the same lanyard and badge as them, so she knew how to find them. She wanted to ask her questions before the Wolfmen came on. She knew that there'd be about twenty minutes between each set to do that while the roadies set up. She walked around, drank some beers, and eavesdropped on conversations as she smiled at the dancing and swaying masses.

"Bella!" a familiar voice called above the heavy music and a genuine smile spread across her face for the first time in two days. "Bella! Wait up!" Eric Yorkie called to her. He bumped through two guys who were head banging to the searing guitar lyrics coming from the stage.

"What are you doing here?" Bella asked and pulled him into a hug. It was a friendly gesture she'd learned originally learned to be comfortable with from Jake, but Quil was so free with hugs, too. She liked them. Plus she could hear him better as the music pounded around them.

"Well, after we talked yesterday, I looked at my schedule and shot off an email to Carli who extended another invitation," Eric returned. "I had some free time, so here I am."

"You wanted to make sure she knew that you hadn't betrayed the band," Bella nodded with a grin. Eric smiled back, but looked sheepish.

"Well, yeah. Among other things, but can you blame me?" Bella loved that he was so straight forward, she sensed he was holding something back, too. She raised her eyebrow at him and he just smiled. Maybe she could wheedle it out of him later.

"Nope. But I had your back. I've got loads of ideas, man. I'm totally glad you're here, I need to bounce some things off you," Bella gushed to the very surprised Eric.

"Who are you?" Eric smiled. "This is not the Isabella 'Hillary' Cullen I met less than a week ago. Look at you all casual and stuff!" He stepped back and took in her outfit. "Nice to see the shirts I sent are getting some use. I did not part with them lightly."

"And your gift is greatly appreciated," Bella said. "I have been learning…a lot while I've been traveling with them. Mostly about myself, though." She gnawed on her bottom lip.

"Ah, the power of music," Eric sighed. "Come on, let's head towards the stage and wait with the other VIPs." Bella nodded and grabbed the hand he'd extended to her as he pressed his way through the undulating crowd. "So what important things have you learned in the past few days?" Eric yelled back as they made slow progress.

"Well, that all the songs are not about me, good or bad." Eric nodded at her assessment. "That people really love what the Wolfmen sing about. It really resonates with them."

"Wolfmen?" Eric smiled.

"Yeah, that's how the crew shortens the name. Since there are four bands that travel, each band has a shortened name."

"Ah." They'd made it to the edge of the crowd after a surly woman shouldered Bella and called her a bitch. Bella just smiled holding up her VIP tag. She felt like sticking her tongue out at her, but decided to be a little more grown up.

"Anyway, looking more into their lyrics, I discovered how truly poetic many of their songs are. I mean," Bella stumbled a little into his back and Eric chuckled, " _I Hate My Life_ is not very poetic, but it's totally satirical, which is its own genre all together. And in _Drown_ , Jake actually used the word league as a measure of distance and not depth. The man is a wordsmith." They'd reached the front and could see the other standing around with the VIP badges so they stopped.

"Wow, Bella. I have never seen someone change so much in such a short period of time," he complimented. She could see the approval all over his face. She smiled in return. She genuinely liked Eric Yorkie.

"Neither have I," another familiar voice said near her other ear. Her heart stopped and she watched Eric eyes take in the man standing over her shoulder. His tone was not complimentary, but then it rarely was. The last band had finished up and the noise level had dropped significantly.

"And you are?" Eric asked. He must have seen the mortification on her face. She didn't know what he was doing here. This was the one place he hadn't tainted. It was the one place, emotional as it had been, that had felt like a safe place to be Bella. And now that was gone. Why did he have to fuck up everything good in her life?

"I'm Edward Cullen," he answered sticking his hand out to shake Eric's hand. "I'm Isabella's husband." Eric took his hand warily, looking over at Bella. "Soon to ex-husband, as she's probably blabbed to anyone who would listen. She likes to draw attention to other people's misery." Edward chuckled but Eric did not join in.

"Okay VIPs," Alan called, "Let's get you to the bleachers on stage. Hey, Bella! Great to see you!" He winked at her and it made her feel a modicum better. Alan was still so friendly with her and helped her immensely over the past two days.

"Is he sweet on you too?" Edward snarked. He never let it go.

"He's gay," Eric stated like Edward should be able to look at him and tell. The group followed Alan up the stairs in relative silence, though the excitement of the others was palpable. It made her smile and listening to the two women in front of her discuss who was hotter, Paul, Jake, or Embry was cracking her up.

"Quil's the nicest," Bella giggled, leaning forward to join in their conversation. "But he's so taken."

"Do you know them?" one woman asked, shocked with wide eyes.

"Old friends," Bella affirmed, "from way back." Edward grunted from behind her. Bella suppressed the urge to roll her eyes and she ignored him. She was not going to let him ruin her work.

"I didn't see you at the meet and greet," the other woman said. Bella explained to them what she was doing and asked them a series of questions after Alan had led them to their seats. She was on Jake's side off the stage this time and Eric sat right next to her, listening. She pushed the fact that Edward was there out of her mind the only way she could and that was by working.

"Bella!" another familiar voice called her and her attention was drawn to the tall brunette with long wavy hair. She was beckoning her over to speak in private.

"Hey Carli…er…Ness?" Bella still didn't know what to call her. It just occurred to Bella that she had to know that Edward was there. She wondered why no one told her as she walked towards the woman who wore a very nervous expression.

"Bella, I'm so sorry! I found out he was coming right after you left my bus and then I couldn't get a hold of you." That would be why. It would also be why Alice was trying to get a hold of her and what had led her to turn her phone off all together.

"I turned my phone off because his sister's been trying to call me. Shit!" Bella looked at Ness's stricken face. "It's okay, Carli. I get it. It's my fault, people have been trying to warn me. People always try to warn me about him."

"Call me Ness, please?" It was a sincere entreaty and it made Bella smile despite herself. Bella felt someone behind her and closed her eyes as a chill ran down her spine. She watched Ness's eyes take Edward in just like Eric did. It's like they could sense his threat. Why had it taken her so long?

"Good to see you again, Carli," Edward smiled. "Have you and my wife gotten to know each other while she's been traveling with you? I expect not since she's probably spent all her time with Jake. She always did have a fatal attraction for him." His tone was both oily and saccharine sweet.

"Actually, Jake is my boyfriend and I am of a very jealous nature. Bella has been very sensitive in assuring me of her intentions and keeping a very appropriate distance." Bella bit her lip to hide smile. Ness really was a master at putting people in their place—politely. "In fact, I haven't seen much of Bella the past few days because she's been so busy writing. Her notes and research have totally taken over the bus where Seth and I room. I've had to stay with Jake the whole time—not that Jake minds."

"What don't I mind, baby?" Jake came up behind her and kissed her cheek.

"Me sleeping with you," Ness returned, turning her head for a kiss. Jake obliged her a little too willingly. Strangely enough, it didn't bother Bella. She didn't feel like it was to rub it in her face; rather it was to make Edward uncomfortable. And it was working.

"Hey Bells! I haven't seen you since earlier this afternoon," Quil called, dropping his drumstick. "Shit!"

"Same fucking story, different fucking day," Paul boomed. "Where the hell is Sven?"

"I thought you said Quil was 'soooo' taken," Edward quoted Bella. Bella looked at him, confused.

"I did, and he is."

"Then what was he doing on your bus?" Edward asked with a knowing grin and a nod.

"I don't remember saying I was on her bus," Quil shot back with his innocently confused face on. Bella could see through it now. "I showed her the shop where she bought her bag." Quil pointed to Bella's bedazzled purple backpack.

"Real up-scale I see," Edward smirked.

"Who the fuck are you, man?" Paul asked. "Do you ever say anything nice? I mean, shit, I know I'm an asshole, but I can at least be nice to my wife. She'd cut my nuts off if I said shit like that. Maybe that's what you need, Bells, a good knife."

"What she needs is someone to help her forget a lot of shit." She felt his warmth as his words washed over her. "There's a few ways to neuter a man. But he's gotta have balls first," Embry said as a thick, muscled arm wrapped around her waist. His hand effortlessly slipped under the hem of her t-shirt and his thumb caressed the skin around her navel. She couldn't help but press into him.

"Embry, that's the first intelligent thing I've heard you say in about a fuckin' year," Paul snorted. "Seth! I need my fuckin' guitar!" Edward was watching Paul with stunned awe when Bella felt Embry's arm tightened around her.

"We ain't fixed yet, Bella, but we got your back, okay?" Bella squeaked and her head jerked to the side to gaze into Embry's teak eyes. "How'd you put up with him for so long, huh?" They stood there for a few beats, having a silent conversation where it was clear that Embry, though still hurt, was going to let her talk to him. His eyes had returned to the soft kind ones that had pulled her to him when she was a sobbing mess after her confrontation with Ness. She nodded at him and gave him a very grateful smile.

"Bella, we are still married. Do you really think it's okay to stand there and be manhandled by someone other than your husband?" Edward asked when his attention was pulled away from Paul.

"You don't seem to hide your cummings and goings with that assistant of yours," Jake replied quickly. "There are pictures of you with your skank in at least three business magazines. _Forbes, Business Weekly, and Entrepreneur_ are the ones I can think of off the top of my head. Discretion is not _your_ forte, Mr. Cullen." Ness bit her lip and pulled away from Jake.

"How do you know…" Edward's look of shock showed how much he had truly underestimated Jake and the guys. Edward would have never even considered the thought that Jake would read business magazines. Edward never thought Jake was going anywhere.

"Between the four of them," Bella piped up, "they own seven different companies as well as a production company. It's really revitalized the economy of Forks and La Push." Edward just looked at her as Embry lowered his lips to her neck and planted a sweet kiss there.

"Embry," Seth's soft voice broke the moment as he handed Embry his bass. "Pick ups should all be working with the new board." Embry released her, but she still felt warm from his presence.

"You guys need to get on stage. The sound guys are waiting to cue up whatever you call, but make sure you give them enough time for the guys to keep up, kay?" Ness directed.

"Sure, sure," they all intoned, looked at each other. Ness smiled and gazed back over at Bella. "You two need to head back to your seats. Show's gonna be good. They're gonna be playing a lot of the older stuff." Bella caught Ness's subtle wink. She didn't know what it was about, but for the first time in a long time she didn't feel alone.

Embry had said they weren't fixed…yet. He said that they had her back. Edward was already following Ness back to their seats. She looked over at Jake as they waited to go on stage. He mouthed _We love you_ and smiled.

Bella was back in her seat and the women peppered her with questions about getting to talk to the band on the side stage. Edward looked very uncomfortable. _Good_ , Bella thought. He's only come here to make her feel small again. To fuck with her life again.

 _Fuck him!_ She thought. This was _her_ place to be…to be…Bella. Not Isabella, as he'd always insisted on calling her.

The lights dimmed and the intro to TOAW's traditional opening song rang through the venue. Bella was prepared and Eric stood up next to her. He smiled over at her as she sang the first verse. She clapped in time and grinned just as big as the women and men who'd paid hundreds of dollars extra for the privilege of meeting the band and sitting on stage during the performance. A disapproving glance from Edward made her sing the chorus louder and Eric to join in singing Embry's back up parts.

 _Ever wonder what I been thinkin' about?  
I been thinkin' bout throwin' you out_

I'm so happy about you (I'm fed up, so get up and get out)  
I'm so happy now we're through (I'm fed up, so get up and get out)  
I was so afraid, now you're gone away  
Sent you packing, look who's laughin' now  
I'm so happy that I feel this way  
I'm so happy that I threw you away

* * *

 **A/N: So?**

 **I really do love hearing from you.**


	17. Ch 17: Panic Room

**A/N: Sorry I didn't update yesterday. We had a long week of testing at school and I unexpectedly fell asleep for ten hours. But I'm awake now. So now I'm posting.**

 **MarinaNamaste is my beta. She's great. She made many suggestions for this chapter and I really tried to take each one.**

 **This seems longer than many chapters, but they're song lyrics. Remember, all songs and lyrics belong to Theory of a Dead Man, and they are written by Tyler Connolly. He's my favorite Instagram person. If you're a fan and don't follow him there, you really should. He's got a really wry sense of humor.**

 **Okay, let's see what the guys have planned for the concert and just for Edward...**

* * *

Jake ground out the licks to _So Happy_ with more fervor and feeling than he had since he first threw Lauren's ass to the curb. Edward was even more of a douche bag than he'd ever remembered and he wasn't even hiding it any more. The way he put down Bella like that in front of everyone was just…well…it was just so wrong.

He looked over at Bella singing loudly and clapping along. She was so different from that first night in her pant suit and sitting on the bleachers while everyone around her danced and sang. His heart swelled because _his_ Bells—the one he'd grown to love all years ago and before Edward broke her—was reemerging. She hadn't left and run away when she was confronted with some hard truths. Jake found that very admirable and even brave. She looked tired, but she looked more…Bella.

The song ended and Paul chuckled into the microphone. "Where the fuck are we tonight?"

"Paul, do you ever know where the fuck we are?" Quil asked, twirling his drum stick. He didn't drop it.

"Do you guys have to fucking cuss so much on stage?" Embry asked with a smirk. Jake was liking the new set up they'd planned for tonight's show after they found out that Edward had crashed their party.

"We're in St. Louis," Jake answered into his mic and cheers and screams erupted from the crowd.

"Oh!" cried Paul, "The one with the big fucking arch down by the river! That thing is fucking cool!"

"You bet your ass!" came a yell from the front row.

"I'm not bettin' my ass on anything," Paul returned. "But I will sing some more. What do you think, Jake? What song do you think we should do next?" More screams erupted from the crowd, calling out songs that the audience wanted to hear. Jake heard the song that'd be perfect.

"Let's do one for Bells, Paul. She needs to hear _Panic Room_ live," Jake answered. Jake thought that'd be perfect. He hoped she knew it as well as _So Happy_ and could sing it to Dickward.

Cheers erupted again as Embry thumped out some bass notes.

"Shit, Jake," Embry cut in through the mic, "we haven't played that forever. But I think you're right. That'd be just about perfect. Take us there." More screams and hoots drifted up to the stage.

Paul grinned and with a look back at Bella and smirked.

"Sound guys better be fuckin' ready," Jake said. "Paul kicks it off with vocals." He needed to cue the guys up in the booth to flip on Paul's Special Effects mic. He trusted them, though. They were awesome.

"Welcome to the panic room!" Paul screamed into the mic and the exact right sound erupted through the speakers. Jake ripped in with searing chords and Embry thumped along.

 _Running out of air, ain't seen the light of day  
Living life scared, so I hide myself away  
Chaos all around, be quiet, just be calm  
I'm better off alone like I have been all along  
I don't know why, but I'm trapped inside_

Jake looked over at Bella who had a slight smirk on her face and was singing right along. Her eyes were closed and he could tell that she was feeling the music.

 _Welcome to the panic room, it's my dark place  
Lock myself away from you and I can't escape  
When you've got nothing to lose paranoia sets in  
And no matter what you do, I'm never gonna let you in  
Panic, panic  
Welcome to the panic room!_

They played through the rest of the song, following the same stage directions even if they were changing the order of the songs. Jake and Embry crossed over the stage as always and Jake noticed Em playing up his fledgling romance with Bella.

 _When Ness first came to tell them Edward was going to be there, they were all concerned how Bella would react. Jake had watched from backstage as Edward stalked up behind her. Bella'd been talking animatedly with that blogger and smiling a real Bella smile. As soon as the dickhead spoke to her she crumbled in on herself. She visibly deflated. Even when Jake had rejected her advances the day before she hadn't looked_ that _defeated._

 _"_ _What do you think would hurt him the most?" Embry had growled over Jake's shoulder as he watched the same scene._

 _"_ _Seeing her happy with someone else," Jake answered without even thinking about the answer._

 _Edward was an insecure man who felt he needed to tear everyone down to make himself feel better._

 _"_ _Done," Embry had said. "He'd expect her to be with you, but he won't see me comin'." Jake looked at his friend and smirked._

 _"_ _You think you can do it? You two haven't talked yet," Jake reminded._

 _"_ _Yeah, I can just_ not _conceal my attraction for Bella for a few minutes. No matter how I feel about what happened the other day, she's still hot. Look at her." She was talking to Eric and some of the women from the VIP group. "Besides, Ness is right, we didn't account for what she must have suffered the past decade. He made my skin crawl and I barely talked to him. You can tell he doesn't like our music or lifestyle. It's so beneath him. Asshole." Jake eyed Edward's face which was pinched like was in pain. "I can totally do this, if not for her sake, for anyone else that asshole has looked down on." Jake looked at his brother as the stage lights flashed, cuing up for their act._

 _"_ _You really did have it worse than me, didn't you?" Jake asked. They really had fleshed a lot of things out over the past 48 hours. And he felt a whole hell of a lot better._

 _"_ _Get lost you guys!" Ness hissed. "They're coming up to the stage."_

"Jake!" Paul called as their first retro song ended. "I think we need to do _The Bitch Came Back_." Paul's voice brought Jake back to the present.

"Only if it's clear that bitches can be men, too," Embry answered.

"No, shit!" called Quil from behind his drum kit. "Hey, St. Louis, you know any men who are bitches?" The crowd roared and women began pointing to men in the audience.

"Looks like it," Jake called. "Fuckin' let us know, ladies, if you are or were ever married to a man-bitch!" Screams and laughter erupted from the audience and the song began and everyone, men and women, sang along.

Except Edward.

That made Jake fuckin' ecstatic.

"Paul!" Jake called as the flagship song ended. "I don't think everyone one is amused by our lyrics or their application."

"Quit using such big fuckin' words, Jake," Embry said. He started the low, bobbing pluck of the bass part for _Lowlife_. It repeated and rose into crescendo while Quil caught on and started on the drums. The sound guys didn't even need to be cued from the stage because Jake could hear the special effects already. He was totally going to give them the raise that Ness suggested.

"Embry, you're telling me from your exquisite bass that some people think we're Lowlifes. Is that what you're suggesting?"

"Fuck yeah!" Paul called and came in with the lyrics totally on cue.

Jake took another look over at Bella who was laughing. She was holding her sides together like she used to do the first time that fucker broke her heart, but Jake could tell it was because her sides ached from laughing. They were probably very unused muscles.

"Jake take the second verse," Paul called after the chorus and he was happy to cut in. He looked straight at Edward and sang…

 _I'm thrilled to be a hillbilly,  
Hate to have to deal with me  
Probably just end in a fight  
No sleeves, can't read, doesn't even phase me  
Naked, sleeping like a baby tonight_

 _'Cause I'm a low life, and I'm loving it  
I've got the whole damn world in the palm of my hand  
I'm a low life, so fucking deal with it  
No you can't change something that you don't understand  
_  
Jake remembered writing this song at the height off his sardonic low period where he was sure Bella left him and chose Edward because of Edward's money. It made Jake laugh to himself because when he wrote the song, he'd actually amassed quite a fortune, but none of it would have been possible if Bella wouldn't have left him. If Bella would have stayed and chosen him, she would have been pregnant by nineteen and Jake would have worked in a garage fixing cars. And there wouldn't have been anything wrong with that life. He would have been content and happy. He knew that.

But Bella leaving made him drown his sorrow in music—well before he could drink. It was _that_ pain that drove him to write, to practice, and eventually leave La Push. Then, when they'd made enough money to live well, he invested in his people, their lands, and the surrounding area. It'd taken two rock bottoms, rehab, copious amounts of money spent in therapy, and a near-death experience to realize that he actually owed Bella Swan-Cullen a great deal.

It had been a long, hard road. But it had taught him so much, made him work so hard, and they were reaping the harvest after their long and many rows of hoeing. Oh, and lyric writing had forced him to wax poetic.

 _Lowlife_ ended and it was decided that _World War Me_ would be the next song.

"No," Jake objected and the other three looked over at him. "I think _All or Nothing_ should be next." The crowd screamed their approval. "Let's round-Robin it. Fans don't get to hear Embry or me sing enough." Jake winked at Paul who caught on Jake's plan to get Embry to sing a certain verse to Bella.

"Fuck, Jake. Way to push your ex on him," Paul smiled into the mic. The audience loved the personal interchange between the guys.

"My brother needs a kick in the fucking pants," Jake responded. He knew Embry wanted to work things out with Bella. He'd watch them both very closely as he came to her defense when Edward was belittling her. She melted into him, melted. Embry'd loved her for so long and he was never one to hold a grudge. He was always the first to forgive when apologies finally happened. Jake was the grudge holder.

"Fine," Embry agreed. Jake hazarded a glance at Bella, whose eyes were big. "But I'm actually going mean it when I sing it to her instead of causing a massive clusterfuck, you asshole!" Jake smiled back at his brother as the song began.

"I'll start us off Paul, and you get the second part of the verse. Embry, you get the chorus," Jake called giving a signal to the sound booth.

"I'll just fuckin' sit back here sing back up," Quil called as the intro started. The audience screamed.

"We'll get you a verse," Jake called before starting in the lyrics.

 _When I first saw you standing there  
You know it was a little hard not to stare  
So nervous when I drove you home  
I know being apart is a little hard to bare._

Paul picked up the next lines

 _Send some flowers to your work in hopes  
That I'd have you in my arms again  
We kissed that night before I left  
Still now that's something  
I could never forget  
You've got all that I need_

The guys all took the harmonies while Embry looked over to Bella while he sang.

 _Looking at all or nothing  
Babe it's you and I  
With you I know that  
I am good for something  
So let's go give it a try  
We got our backs against the ocean  
It's just us against the world  
Looking at all or nothing  
Babe it's you and I  
Looking at all or nothing  
Babe it's you and I_

"I got this one," Quil called as they headed into the next verse.

 _Lets take a chance go far away today  
And never look back again  
Since I said I loved you in Las Vegas  
It's never been the same since then_

 _You've got all that I need_  
 _Looking at all or nothing_  
 _Babe it's you and I_

"Mine," Embry called into the mic and looked back over at Bella.

 _With you I know  
I am good for something  
So let's go give it a try  
We got our backs against the ocean  
It's just us against the world  
Looking at all or nothing  
Babe it's you and I  
Looking at all or nothing  
Babe it's you and I_

 _This is it nothing to hide_  
 _One more kiss never say goodbye_  
 _This is it babe your all mine_

Embry'd made his way across the stage blatantly playing _for_ and singing _to_ her. When he finished the last line Jake took over the rest of the song and Embry stopped playing and kissed Bella hard. Jake noticed the women around her sigh, Eric the blogger smiled like a loon, and Edward was seething.

Mission accomplished.

Embry pulled back from his kiss and Bella wiped off his bottom lip, Jake suspected, just to piss off Edward. The crowd cheered and Embry stroked her nose with his in the sweetest gesture Jake had ever seen him give to a woman.

"Enough of the fuckin' sweet stuff!" Paul boomed as the song ended. His fingers ripped across his guitar in a familiar song that was merely an extra on their third CD. Another from Jake's sardonic phase _Villain_ was another perfect one.

"Oh, Paul, you're a fucking genius. And I got this one," Jake called, joining in the introduction.

 _All day  
All night  
I've been thinkin why feelin' wrong feels so right  
And I know  
Yeah I try  
To turn myself around but I know what I like_

Jake made eye contact with Edward as his low bass voice scooped up to the note.

 _I ain't nice  
No I'm quite a dick  
I'm the bad guy who's makin' you sick  
It's easy for me  
I've got no shame  
I'm in it for the money and fame_

 _Everybody wants to be like me_  
 _The villain is the one that you came to see_  
 _Sick of all the good guys savin' the day_  
 _Cause the villain always wins when the hero's away_

"EMBRY!" Jake shouted, who took his cue and picked up the next verse. The fans screamed their agreement with the lyrics and the many women expressed their desire to help the Wolfmen be villains.

 _There's days when I wanna give in  
But it's hard to be a saint when you're full of sin  
Why would I ever think of goin' back  
When it feels so fuckin' good to be bad_

 _Everybody wants to be like me_  
 _The villain is the one that you came to see_  
 _Sick of all the good guys savin' the day_  
 _Cause the villain always wins when the hero's away_

 _I know that secretly_  
 _Everybody's rootin' for me_

Embry's dimpled smile made women across the country swoon, but Jake was sure that that part of Em's life was over. Even with things left unsettled between him and Bella, she was the only woman for Embry. And everyone who saw them knew it.

 _Villain_ ended and Paul chuckled into the mic. "This is like being back in the garage practicing, boys. I'm having a fuckin' great time. How 'bout you, St. Louis?" The answer came in screams of affirmations. "Now, let's make the record company happy and Ness's job a little easier. Back to the original set list." As much fun as it was to sing some older tunes and improv a little it, they did have to pay the bills.

Jake sounded the guitar riff for _Bad Bad Girlfriend_. He smiled as he thought of Edward's reaction to this song. Jake snuck a look back over when Paul sang about his girlfriend being a dick magnet. Bella was singing along at the top of her lungs and Eric was Jake's new favorite person. He'd placed himself between Bella and Edward and Jake watched at the little Asian blogger would "accidentally" hit Edward about every other measure. Eric was so getting invited along for an after party.

The rest of the concert reverted to the normal set list. Bella was the belle of the ball for the rest of the night. She laughed and sang and clapped and Embry stole another two kisses from her. Everyone ignored that Edward was there, and by the end of the set he was at the edge of the bleachers looking angrier than Jake had ever seen him. Why the fuck he didn't leave Jake could never figure out.

When the set ended, Seth and the boys took the instruments and the four Wolfmen headed over to the side stage. Bella was hugging Eric and laughing and Paul and Embry were talking to the women who had suddenly become Bella's new best friends.

"You didn't tell us you were _with_ Embry. In fact, you said Quil was the nicest!" one gushed.

"Aw, Bella!" Quil blushed.

"He brought me breakfast after a hangover," Bella smiled giving Quil a side hug. "Embry's the reason I had a hang over—he got me drunk."

"I didn't hear you complaining too much," Embry winked. Edward wasn't out of ear shot and Jake noticed he shifted a little closer.

"No," Bella blushed and bit her lip. The ladies were watching the exchange like true voyeurs. "But I made an ass of myself later, Embry." Jake saw the remorse in Bella's eyes as she peered up at Embry in an attempt to make a furtive apology.

"Later," he said and pulled in for a hug. "We'll talk about that later," he whispered to her.

"That is still my wife," Edward said from outside the circle. Embry froze as his expression hardened. Jake didn't feel the need to step up, Embry was all over this.

"The fact that you said 'that' instead of 'she' says a lot about why the relationship ended," Embry said. "She's always been just and object to you, Edward. But not anymore."

"Like anyone would leave one of the Wolfmen for him?" a little blonde woman said.

"I did once, but I was stupid," Bella said. "And blinded by empty promises." Bella looked at Jake. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything."

"It's nothing," Paul boomed and every one turned to stare at him. "The way I see it, if this had gone well, like it obviously did, then Jake quits being such a whiner. If it went to shit, we would have gotten a shit-ton of angst filled songs and a fuck load more money. Looks like we got the best of both worlds."

"Fuck off, Paul," Embry said, punching Paul in the arm. In two shows, Jake's new song _Crutch_ had become an internet sensation.

"He's not wrong," Quil quipped.

"I'm never fuckin' wrong. You guys just never want to hear what I have to say because I don't fuckin' sugar coat anything." Everyone just nodded with amused smiles. "Now if you all will excuse me, I have some _Downton Abby_ to catch up on." And with no further sentiment, Paul turned and walked off towards the bus.

"That Cretan watches _Downton Abby_?" Edward scoffed. Every one turned back to see Edward clasping for some sort of dignity and failing miserably. Jake just pitied him. There was nothing left to even be angry at. He looked at Bella, still safely tucked underneath Embry's arm while Embry drew in breath to retort.

"Edward, your car is here," Ness said, running up with the radio in her hand and Alan trailing behind her. "I think it's time you leave. Next time you want to come visit, call me directly. If you lose my number, your sister Alice has it." Embry bit his tongue and stopped whatever it was he was going to say. Alan collected the rest of the VIP attendees, except for Eric, and ushered them away trailing their grumbles and complaints behind them. Though one excited fan-girl gushed about how she totally got her money's worth at this show.

"Thank you, Carli. At least someone knows how to be hospitable." Edward looked around at the rest of them. Ness was a master of putting people in their place and Jake was going to show her how much he appreciated her later. "I can't say I've enjoyed my evening, but it has been interesting."

"What the fuck?" Embry bellowed. "You come to _our_ show and belittle your wife in public and in front her life-long friends and expect us to be hospitable?" Embry was laughing at the insanity that was Edward. "You're a bigger douchebag now than you were as a teenager and no one here thought that was possible. People are supposed to get better with age. You obviously haven't."

"Well…" Edward started.

"Go away, Edward," Bella sighed. "You came here to make me uncomfortable, praying that Jake couldn't forgive me and you were going to rub my nose in it. It hasn't worked. These men that you consider so beneath you—Lowlifes as it were," she winked at Jake who smiled at her reference to their lyrics, "know more about love and forgiveness than you could ever hope. I wronged both you and Jake that night ten years ago. But Jake has found it somewhere in him to forgive me. You never did. I tried for years to make it up to you. But I'm done. I can never be who you want. I'm okay with that now. I'm sorry I hurt you. But now it's time to leave me alone and let me find my own path, free of your approbation or censure. So just go away."

Edward's mouth opened to reply.

Jake took a threatening step towards Edward. "You better think very carefully about what you're about to say."

His hard fists balled up by his sides. "Embry's black eye came from my fist because he made a snide comment about a woman in my presence. He didn't even direct it her. So you want to think very carefully about what you say to, or about, Bella."

"He ain't lying," Embry chimed in. "And it looks like I can take a punch much better than you." Quil laughed and dropped his drumstick.

"Come on, Edward," Ness said, beckoning him. "You don't want to miss your flight. Alice and I had it moved up to tonight." Edward looked at Bella again and inhaled.

"Anything other than goodbye will be inappropriate," Embry warned. Edward closed his mouth, turned, and followed Ness away.

"What the fuck?" Quil asked, incredulous. "He couldn't even say good bye?"

"I'm used to it," Bella said. She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. She smiled up at Embry, who gave her the same empty smile back. He reached up with one finger and stroked her cheek. He sucked in a deep breath before he shook his head a little bit.

"I gotta go," Embry said, gently. "I meant everything I said, Bella. But we still have to talk. And I need to think a little bit before that happens, okay?" Jake watched as Bella visibly deflated a little bit. She nodded and looked down at the floor. "Okay." Jake saw the regret on both of them as Embry slowly pulled away from her.

They all watched Embry walk away. Jake reached out and rubbed Bell's shoulder. "Give him some time, Bells." She nodded and swiped her cheek.

Jake turned and saw Eric. "Man, _you_ were awesome!" Jake complimented. "Keeping a cushion between Bells and the douche. You wanna hang out with us, man?"

"Actually," Seth said, appearing from behind the guitar stands, "he already is. Come on, Eric. I'm done for the night. Let's grab some grub."

"Thanks, Jake," Eric said with a big grin. "But I already know how he's hung." Eric looked at Bella and winked before he ran after Seth.

Ness smiled up at Jake, wrapping an arm around him, and Bella giggled.

"Did you guys know?" Jake asked. Quil nodded and smirked.

"Who do you think booked his flight?" Ness asked and shrugged.

"I've been sitting next to him all night. I drug it out of him with my impeccable investigative skills," Bella revealed. "Plus I had an interesting conversation with Seth last night when he came to clean up his compartment."

"But Seth is a man-whore?" Jake said, running all the instances that Ness had to clean up messy PR about the band.

"Who doesn't discriminate by gender," Ness clarified, checking her phone. "Quil, you need to get to your phone. Claire is blowing it up."

"Shit!" And off Quil ran to get his phone from the greenroom. Ness and Jake looked over at Bella who suddenly looked very uncomfortable.

"Give us a few, will ya, Ness?" Jake asked, squeezing her hand.

"Sure," she replied giving him a trusting smile. "Bella, I'm so sorry about not getting to warn you earlier. You know that I would have, right?"

"Ness, after everything you all just did for me, I have no doubt. Thank you so much." Jake watched with pleasure as his girlfriend embraced his lifelong friend. Bella was back. A little bruised and worn down, but she was back. Bella had spoken the truth, he could forgive her; especially after seeing how much she had to deal with being Edward's wife. Ness gave Bella one more squeeze before turning and walking away. Jake watched Ness, his eyes lingering on her ass.

"Jake, she's great. I mean, I said some nasty ugly things to her, but she's really just great." Her voice shook a little, but Jake could hear her sincerity.

Bella wrapped her arms around her stomach and jilted Bella was back—the broken teenaged girl who Edward had dumped before going away to Italy for the summer. Sounds of roadies disassembling the stage rang through the air, but they were relatively alone on this part of the stage.

"Yeah, she is." He reached for her and pulled her to his chest. She didn't unfold her arms, but Jake held her close anyway. "She's my world, Bells. She righted all the wrongs."

"I'm so sorry, Jake. For making all those wrongs. I'm sorry for everything." Great sobs wracked her body as Jake held her on the side stage of a mid-sized blues club in Middle America.

"Shhhh, Bells. It's gonna be okay now. The fucker is gone and you finally see him for what he is. It only took you ten years and I almost ruined my liver, but it's all over." He chuckled.

"How the fuck can you joke about that? I almost killed you!" Bella screamed, pulling away and beating her tiny fists against his solid chest.

"No, Bella. Stop!" His voice was firm but kind and it drew her attention. "I _tried_ to blame you for so much for so long, but I was _wrong_. You hurt me. It's true. And we could never be 'Jake and Bells' again because that cut too deep. But, I don't regret one thing that came from that pain. Not one damn, fucking thing. Too much good has come from all of it."

"Jake, you're an alcoholic and you almost died. And I became your 'misery of mankind.' How can that be a good thing?"

"Isabella Marie Swan. If you remember my life wasn't that easy before you pulled a fuck and run. My mom died, my dad is in a wheel chair, my sisters abandoned me in my pain and left a twelve year old to care of said invalid father. I was stuck in a dead end future on a small Indian reservation of an ever-shrinking tribe. I was a walking stereo type and _you_ had _nothing_ to do with that. There were so many reasons to drink and forget my shitty life, you were just icing on the cake."

"Thanks," Bella grumbled.

"You leaving kicked my ass in gear, Bells. You hated music so I loved it. I mistakenly thought you believed I was going nowhere so I set out to prove you wrong. I practiced. I got a degree. The pain gave me inspiration and my education helped me translate it into words and sound. You were my muse, Bella. Be proud of that. I have you to _thank_ for that." She sniffled and tried to smile up at him.

"Have you ever thought…you know…what if?" She was looking at the floor again. He waited for her to up at him, but her gaze only met his chest.

"Not anymore. When I quit asking _what if_ , I finally got better." Jake lifted her chin and leaned down and kissed her forehead. He pulled her back in for a hug and this time she hugged him back.

"Why do you still love me? Why did you ever love me?" She wasn't crying any more, but he could hear the despair in her words.

"Oh, Bells. He really did a number on your head and heart." He squeezed her tighter. "Who knows why or when it started. It doesn't even matter. But I _do_ love you. I will _always_ love you. Embry will always love you, too. You need to start seeing what _we_ see."

"But I don't know what that is." She squeezed him back as if he were holding her to the earth.

"Spend the rest of the tour with us, Bells. Come back home and reconnect with your family. Charlie misses you. We all miss you."

"Charlie has to hate me now. It's been so long."

"Bella Marie! Stop fucking saying that!" Her head jerked up and she met his gaze. "Just because that stupid fuck can't appreciate what he had doesn't mean we're all like him. We're _real_ men, Bella. We know how to love women the right way. I can't love you the way I did then, but it doesn't mean I can't love you as my sister. Okay?" She nodded and pulled her bottom lip into her mouth. "But my brother loves you totally not like our sister." Jake smiled at her confusion.

"What?"

"There's another cluster fuck I should tell you about. Come on," Jake pulled her toward the green room. "You're gonna want to sleep on our bus if Seth is going to be on yours with his new boy-toy. And I'll tell you the tale of brothers from other mothers."

"Embry?"

There was hope for Bella Swan.

* * *

 **If you check out Tyler's Insta page, you'll see his selfie wearing a Downton Abby t-shirt. It makes me smile.**

 **Well?**


	18. Ch 18: Head Above Water

**A/N: Well, we're winding down.**

 **Thanks to MarinaNamaste who really added to this chapter. I was depressed and tired when I wrote this chapter, but she really helped add in some nice details. That's what she's good at.**

 **Here we go:**

* * *

"What the _fuck_ are you do doing here?"

Bella should have been prepared for the barrage of profanity that greeted her when she stepped off the tour bus in La Push. She'd listened to enough of it over the past few weeks. But she wasn't used to it from feminine voices.

"Rachel, shut the hell up," Paul's voice boomed from behind Bella. "She's cool. Why are you fat?"

"Paul, you don't ask your wife why she's fat," Quil chided before a very excited Claire squealed and ran into his arms.

"She is _not_ cool!" Rachel shot back. "She totally fucked my baby brother up for a decade and now she's on his tour bus? What the hell, Paul? You obviously knew and didn't think that was important to tell me when we skyped?" Bella just stood with her mouth open. She could feel the others stepping down off the bus.

"And _not_ telling me you're visibly pregnant was okay? What the fuck, Rachel? I've only been gone three months! There is no way you let yourself get that fat unless one of my pups is growing in there!" Paul had reached Rachel, who looked completely normal—rail thin and gorgeous—except for a little bump not being concealed by her tight t-shirt and leggings. She was not hiding anything.

"Well, telling you on tour would have made you come right home, and that wasn't an option, was it?" Rachel glared back at Paul. She seemed to forget that Bella was even there, which Bella was grateful for.

"Fuck! You're really having my baby!" Paul's voice was excited and the expression on his face ecstatic.

"Is that a happy look? I'm so completely thrilled. I want you to be thrilled, too. It's so much better if we're on the same page," she said, her enthusiasm just as evident.

"Come here, woman! Let me show you how thrilled I am." He pulled her into a tight embrace while he kissed her hard and fast. She responded in a like manner and Bella could see how they were a perfectly matched set.

"Come on, or you're gonna get her pregnant again, and that's not something any of us want to see, especially her father," Jake said, wrapping his arm around one side of Bella. Jake's other arm was wrapped around Ness who just smiled.

"Yeah, that shit's disgusting," Embry said, coming up on Bella's other side.

"Fuck off! I've had to listen to you fuck Ness all summer long," Paul said as he separated from his wife's mouth, but his hands moved to her ass pulling her in. She grunted.

"Ness isn't your sister. And my dad wasn't sitting right behind us," Jake defended.

"Ness, are you okay with this shit?" Rachel asked, pointing to Jake's arm around Bella.

"Paul's right," Ness smiled over to Bella, "she's cool. You and I have a lot to catch up on." Rachel looked Bella over from head to toe and back up again. Her eyes bounced back and forth between Jake and Embry who stood as sentinels on either side. They'd warned her that Rachel's reaction would be harsh, but to just keep quiet and they'd handle things. It seemed to be working.

"So, you're not worried what she might do or the shit she might stir up?" Rachel asked, looking seriously at Ness.

"Nope. It's been handled. Bella is part of our little pack, now. She's good." Ness smiled.

"If you say so," Rachel said skeptically. "I'll trust you. But I still don't know." But Rachel gave Bella a weak smile anyway.

"I bet you fucking knew my wife was pregnant," Paul pointed and grinned at Ness.

"Of course I knew. Who do you think told her not to tell you? You had a melt down over a grape soda, what would you have done if you knew your wife was pregnant back home?" Rachel had taken a step towards Bella while Ness and Paul bantered. Jake's arm tightened around Bella as his grip of Ness opened as she stepped away to talk to Paul.

"Fucking gone ballistic," Paul answered honestly. Rachel looked back at Ness who seemed wholly unconcerned with Jake's position next to Bella. Bella could tell that Rachel loved and trusted Ness. And Rachel would follow Ness's lead. Bella had watched Ness's loyalty in action the night Edward showed up at the concert all those weeks ago. Bella had no choice but to trust her now.

"And isn't Rachel perfectly capable of taking care of herself and the child she's carrying?" Ness asked and tapped her foot. Paul looked over at his wife whose attention was pulled away from scenting Bella like a sister wolf and back to the conversation.

"Yes," he mumbled, looking contrite.

"Then, _need to know_ was the rule. And you didn't need to know. Until today. She's not wearing that by accident."

"God, baby, you're so hot carrying my little tyke!" Paul leaned over and kissed her again, leaving her breathless and then started dragging Rachel off to their car. "Hey Billy, can you go hang out at Sue's for a little bit?" They didn't even wait for an answer.

Operation: Tell-Rachel-About-Bella was as much of a success as was Operation: Tell-Paul-He's-Going-to-Be-a-Father. Bella had been in on both. Ness needed someone to vent the information to.

"Already planned on it," Billy called after them. Quil and Claire where nowhere in sight, either.

Ness nodded her head like it was final. "And having said that, I'm sick of knowing everything and being in charge. I officially give up my title and don't want to be bothered for at least two days while I go make love to my fiancé without three other people listening."

Jake dropped his arm from around Bella and moved to embrace Ness.

"So he finally did it?" Billy asked with a happy grin.

"Oh, he proposed a long time ago. I just wouldn't say yes." Ness wrapped her arms around Jake's middle. She was just a few inches shorter than him. Bella thought they made a stunning couple.

"Why on earth not?" Billy chuckled, truly interested.

"Because she had to make sure he was over me," Bella answered and winked at him. "He so is. He turned me down flat without even one hesitation." Billy's wise eyes moved over to assess her.

"It's good to see you, Bella. You are looking very…well…you're looking so much better than that last Christmas fiasco I saw you at," Billy remarked. Bella could only laugh. She felt so much better. The last few weeks with the band had been the best therapy she could have had. She remembered who the true Bella Swan really was. And now she knew who she wanted to be, too.

"Thanks, Billy. I feel a lot better."

"What was that? Five years ago?" Billy pondered.

"Six."

"Have you seen Charlie yet?" he asked sagely. Bella didn't think he was trying to make her uncomfortable. She knew how much Billy loved his friend.

"I thought, if Jake would lend me a car, I could go see him now," Bella said as she sucked her bottom lip into her teeth.

"I'll drive you," Embry said. They'd talked quite a bit over the last few weeks. They'd even slept together on several occasions, but without any sex. Embry agreed with Quil that Bella needed love without the loving. Bella discovered it was enough, too. In fact, it was better than enough. She didn't have to worry about disappointing anyone. So, they spent their nights cuddling and talking. She'd confessed to Embry how scared she was to see Charlie again.

"I'd appreciate that," Bella said.

Billy smiled at the two of them. "Your car is gassed up and ready to go, son," Billy said to Embry.

"Thanks, Chief."

Embry had told Bella his side of the story of discovering how Billy was his father. Jake's mom, Sarah, had kicked Billy out for drinking too much and was in the process of divorcing him. Billy'd spent a few nights with Embry's mom, Tiffany, who then left town quickly to get a job in Seattle only to discover she was pregnant a few weeks later. She called to tell Billy what'd happened when Billy revealed that he and Sarah had worked things out because Sarah was pregnant. And Tiffany kept her mouth shut. She didn't want to split up a family.

Tiffany lost her job a few years later when the company she'd worked for downsized and she moved back to La Push as a last resort. She bought the small convenience store and supported herself and her son who then became best friends with his half-brother. Tiffany didn't have the heart to tell anyone, even after Sarah died. It wasn't until the whole band was tested as a possible tissue donor for Jake's failing liver that the secret was revealed. Since then, Embry called Billy, Chief. It was his compromise between Billy and dad.

There was really no one to blame hard feelings on. Embry's forgiving heart wouldn't allow him to stay angry at his mom. Even though Billy suspected for many years, and even confronted Tiffany once, she would never reveal who Embry's father was. So, Embry couldn't hold any hard feelings towards Billy, because his mother denied it for so long.

Billy even voiced his concerns to his wife before she died. Sarah, a forgiving and lovely woman, always made sure they shopped in Tiffany's store and they always made sure Embry was included in boys' activities. Jake was overjoyed he had an actual, blood brother and Billy was proud of the man Embry'd become.

"Billy?" Bella asked and he moved his eyes from his second son. Her voice was nervous and she fidgeted. "Do you think…it's just…" She couldn't finish. Bella knew how selfish she'd been for so many years. She was just scared.

"Bells, he's your father. Of course he wants to see you." Billy knew her just as well as Jake did it seemed. It was such a comfort to be home. She had to do some difficult things, but she knew it was a safe place to do them.

It was home.

"Okay. Thanks," she whispered.

"Bells," Embry pulled her closer, " _our_ dads love their kids no matter what, remember?" She nodded, biting her lip and taking Embry's warm, dry hand.

They'd had a long discussion about their mothers and their fathers and how their presence, or lack there-of, had affected their lives. Bella had figured out some very interesting things out about Renee, but she hadn't quite voiced them aloud yet.

Bella looked back over at Billy, whose eyes had become very glassy. "Come on," Embry said, pulling her towards his car while the roadies and workers set about to clear the busses and unload equipment.

"What about Billy?" Bella asked.

"I got him!" Seth called running up behind his chair and pushing him with a whoosh. "I got someone I want you to meet, Billy. Then I'll take you home to soften the blow to mom." Seth was pushing Billy towards Eric Yorkie who'd finished out the tour with them. Bella and Eric were working collaboratively and the piece was better than she ever could have imagined. Eric had such an interesting point of view and added quite a unique perspective.

"Quit stalling, Swan. It's time," Embry growled in her ear. He gave her the butterflies all the time, but he wouldn't kiss her or make a move on her. He was physical and affectionate, but only in a friendly sort of way. She liked it and it drove her crazy all at the same time. Especially since she knew what he was capable of. She knew it would happen again. In time. They'd talked about that, too.

"Alright, alright," Bella conceded. "Bye, Billy!" she called out and Billy just shot a hand up over his shoulder.

* * *

The ride to Forks took twice as long as she remembered. Maybe because she was nervous. But Embry was right. She needed to do this and it needed to be the first thing she did. If she waited a few days, and Charlie found out she'd been in town, he'd be hurt. Well, even more hurt.

She wouldn't call what Embry was doing pressure. He didn't pressure her to do things like Edward did. Embry didn't manipulate her or tell her half-truths. He didn't insult her and try to guilt her into conforming to some preconceived notion. Embry was straight forward and honest and then let her make her own decisions. It strengthened her; encouraged her. He lifted her up instead off pulling her down.

She'd refused to talk to Alice, even though Embry told her she should. Alice was the one who booked Edward's tickets to come to the show. It was true Alice tried to warn Bella, but Alice shouldn't have done it at all. While Alice claimed to be Bella's friend despite the divorce from her brother, Bella could no longer overlook the way Alice constantly enabled Edward's behavior. Bella was done with Alice as a friend and a manager. She'd even hired a new lawyer, a competitor of Jasper's—Jay Jenks. The divorce papers were at last signed and finalized.

Bella got nothing except her earnings from her own writing, and that's all she wanted. She didn't even want her car. It was some sleek luxury car that Edward had insisted upon. Bella wanted a Beetle.

But Bella knew that Embry was right about Charlie. When he offered to go with her, she knew he'd excuse himself if it seemed appropriate. Jake was right, Embry was the most tender hearted of them all—even more so than Quil.

"Just listen to him if he needs to vent. Don't react, if you can hold it together. Just let him say his peace." It was very telling for the kind of man Embry was, she thought. Embry needed to state what was bothering him, and then he was done. She was very grateful for that fact and hoped that Charlie was more Embry and less like Jake.

"Okay," she took a deep breath. They were sitting in the driveway. "Do you mind waiting here? Just for a while. I don't want Charlie to get the wrong idea."

"What idea would that be?" Embry smirked.

"That I just jump from man to man. Shit. That is what I've done." Bella's eyes widened as the realization hit her. But she and Embry weren't being physical. They were _just friends_. Friends who cuddle and snuggle. "But you won't let me. And I don't want him to get the wrong impression of you." Bella was rambling again.

"He won't. I know Charlie pretty well. He's who I went to when the whole paternity thing hit the fan." That Bella did not know. "He'll see it for exactly what it is. And I think, if I go up there, it'll help him, too." She looked into his eyes and realized just how well Embry knew her. It made her trust him even more.

"Then you're coming up with me?" she half smiled, fidgeting again.

"I thought you'd never ask," he grinned. She took another deep breath. She couldn't figure out why this was so scary. She opened the door of the sleek, black Audi. She knew how much Embry liked his car because he'd spent an hour one night just describing it to her. It made her smile to remember how excited he got. She could only remember its make and color.

She headed to the front steps and stopped right at the bottom. Embry's warmth kept her from retreating, but he didn't touch her. His proximity urged her forward. She climbed the stairs, one at a time. Her hand hovered to knock on the door when it swung open before she got the chance. There stood Charlie in his old flannel shirt and faded Wranglers.

"Bells," her father breathed out. And in an uncharacteristic move, Charlie stepped out and pulled his daughter into his arms. Shocked, she didn't react at first. But finally, with Embry's palm in the small of her back, she wrapped her arms around Charlie's neck.

"Dad, I'm so sorry," she sobbed as great tears tracked down her cheeks. She didn't quite know what she was sorry for, but Charlie didn't seem to care. Time stopped while father and daughter embraced in the late summer sun of Forks, Washington. Unspoken pain was revealed through sobs and gasps, and forgiving squeezes were proffered to mend the broken hearts. Charlie was a man of few words and Bella had learned to communicate with him in ways he could understand.

"You stayin' for dinner?" Charlie asked Bella when they finally pulled back wiping her tears. "I want to hear about your adventures travelin' with this pack of no-good, foul-mouthed, rock stars."

"I'd love to," Bella answered. He was inviting her back home.

"Embry, that means you, too, but I'll have to order another pizza. I remember how you eat."

"Sounds good, Chief," Embry said, but winked at Bella. It was the same title he used for Billy. There was much more there than Bella realized and she was going to get to the bottom of it. They followed Charlie into the little house that Bella'd called home for a few short, but happy, years of her life.

* * *

Dinner was normal. Absolutely normal. Like old times. And Bella couldn't have asked for anything more. "Where you staying, Bells? I'm assuming you left that asshat."

"Dad!" Bella laughed. She'd never heard him talk like that before.

"I know, Bella, that he was your husband. But he was an absolute asshat."

"I'm not arguing that with you, Harry," Bella quoted their favorite movie. "I'm laughing at your colloquial terminology."

"What? I'm down with the new lingo," Charlie said in his gruff, official voice. It made the statement all the more humorous.

"Well, I'm not, so please stop," Bella laughed. Embry smiled at the pair of them across the table while they all chuckled and then Charlie cleared his throat.

"So?" Charlie asked again. "Your room is always waiting for you, Bella." Bella's eyes filled with tears. She'd discussed staying with Claire, but Bella had just figured she'd stay in a hotel until she could find an apartment. She didn't even dare to imagine that Charlie would invite her back after she ran off and then tapered all communication. "Will you stay here? With me? You know, just until you get back on your feet."

"Umm, yeah. That'd be…a…great. I can't…believe…" Bella was shocked. Embry's hand soothed up and down her thigh as her eyes filled with unshed tears again. "Thanks." Between the man in front of her and the man beside her, she felt wanted and important. It was such a foreign feeling for her—not wholly unfamiliar—just a long time forgotten. Her time with Charlie was so short—and Renee was never one to cater to Bella's needs.

"We'll need to run back and get your stuff from the bus," Embry grinned at a very happy Bella.

"Great. That will give me time to put fresh sheets on the bed."

"Dad, you don't have to."

"Yes, I do. I haven't had a houseguest in a long, long time."

"Now that is so not true!" Embry guffawed. "You're gonna get struck dead by lightning for lyin'?" Charlie's face turned beet red and Bella noticed him shake his head at Embry.

"What is going on?" Bella asked.

"Embry Call-Black, if you say another word I'm gonna tell Bella just how long you've had a crush on her."

"No need to. I already have," Embry smiled.

"Who are you two? Seriously. It's like we're all back in elementary school," Bella smiled at the pair of them.

"That's how long he's liked you. Always sore at Jake for following you around and monopolizing your time."

"She already knows, Charlie. And I've already kissed her. So why don't you just tell her about Sue."

"You've what? She hasn't even been divorced a month," Charlie fired back.

"Sue? Sue who?" Bella laughed because it sounded like a Dr. Seuss rhyme. And then it clicked. "Seth's mom? Sue Clearwater?"

"That's the one!" Embry yelled and pointed at Charlie.

"And he kissed me way before the divorce was final," Bella shot, ganging up on Embry.

"What? You little…" Charlie gawked at Embry.

"Bella! Whose side are you on?"

"Should I tell him you got me drunk first?" It felt so good to be able to joke around and be free with her friends. Her true friends; those who didn't use her weaknesses against her.

"He got you drunk first?"

Charlie eyed Embry, but his mustache twitched with amusement. It occurred to Bella, then, that Embry could reveal what happened the next morning. They'd worked all that out. He'd forgiven her. But here she'd thrown something he felt so badly about back in his face. She sucked in her lip and looked at him. She saw his face soften and she knew. She knew he wouldn't say it.

"She was so closed off, Charlie. He'd hurt her so badly. It was the only way I could get her to let her defenses down." Bella didn't know if Embry was talking about Jake or Edward, but both were true. Charlie looked at Embry as Embry watched Bella.

"And now he won't kiss me again," she smiled, injecting levity back into the conversation. "Something stupid Quil said. When did you start listening to Quil, anyway?"

"When Ness told us to," Embry stated, honestly.

"You should always do what Ness says," Charlie agreed. "She straightened Jake out, that's for sure." Bella looked at Charlie and nodded.

"She sure did. I'm her maid of honor," Bella revealed.

"What?" Embry scoffed.

They bantered and joked and revealed many hidden fears and secrets in light, amused conversation. It was better than normal. Bella knew a heart-to-heart would be had some time soon, but this was the perfect welcome home.

"We better go get your stuff. Rachel texted and said your stuff is at their place, the busses have already left to be cleaned and serviced.

"Shit," Bella hissed.

"What?" Embry and Charlie said together.

"She really doesn't like me. Do I have to see her?"

"She's the female version of Paul. All gruff and growl, but their bark is worse than their bite. The fact that she accepted your stuff into their house is proof that she'll be somewhat civil." Charlie chuckled.

"Somewhat?"

"She's a Lahote," Embry shrugged, stuffing one last piece of cold pizza into his mouth.

"A pregnant Lahote, at that," Charlie added.

"Dad, do you like, watch _As the Rez Turns_ every day or something? You seem to know a lot about it," Bella grinned as they all stood up and headed to the door.

"He's dating Sue Clearwater!" Embry brought up again. Charlie cuffed the back of his head which made Bella laugh. Embry had three inches on her father and a lot more meat, but Embry cowered from the law enforcement officer.

"We're going to talk about this when I get home," Bella winked at her dad.

"Just come home," Charlie nodded.

* * *

 **A/N : I hope that some of you aren't too disappointed that this is, actually, and Jake/Ness Bella/Embry pairing. I hope the ride made it worth it. I've got a few more chapters to tie up loose ends. And I have plans to write a prequel. I haven't started it yet, but I've got some great ideas down.  
**

 **What do you think?**


	19. Ch 19: End of the Summer

**A/N: Hey y'all! I've been in California all weekend going to HARRY POTTER WORLD, eating great food, and learning how to teach other teachers how to be better teachers (the gigs I do this summer).**

 **While I was in LA for two days, I did invite Tyler Connolly (lead singer for the actual band) to lunch (via Instagram), but he didn't take me up on the offer. I was a little disappointed. But then he posted and tagged his location. I didn't know whether or not that was a clue for me to come find him. He was almost two hours from my location, except the next day (when I was at Harry Potter world) I was only a few miles from him. I could have done. I guess it's enough that I'm writing a fan fic using his lyrics, I don't need to show up at the studio where he's recording, too. Right? Should I have gone? I should have, shouldn't I have? Crap!**

 **/endcrazyrant**

 **So, I've been out of town since Thursday (sans laptop) which is why I didn't update. But here it is and we're getting close to the end. I think there's a wedding in our future.**

 **Lemons? How do you feel about them? Does it need one? Let me know in the comments.**

* * *

"So she found an apartment?" Ness asked Embry as he closed the refrigerator door. He'd been very quiet since they'd all arrived.

"Yep."

They were at Billy's house—well it was Paul and Rachel's house now, but Billy still lived with them. They'd repaired and added on to it. Paul had suggested they just tear the thing down and build a new one, but Rachel just couldn't do it. Billy still slept in the same room at the center of all of Rachel's additions. Jake had built his own house about a mile down the road. In the woods.

No one had really seen much of any one since they all returned home from tour. That was typical after three months of togetherness. Especially Jake and Ness; they barely got dressed, much less left the house. When they finally ran out of food, they ordered in. Ness liked being in the place they'd made their home. She puttered around their custom built cabin and played with their two dogs that'd spent the summer with Rachel. And when Jake wasn't fucking or eating, he slept.

"And?" She looked at Embry expectantly.

"And what?" Embry said twisting the cap off his beer. Rachel was making a huge dinner for the family and Ness and Jake had come over early to help out. Well, Jake had just followed Ness. He wasn't being very helpful.

"She wants to know if you tapped that again," Paul said, striding into the room and taking the beer out of Embry's hand.

"You can't have that!" Jake said, pointing to Paul's pilfered beer from his perch on the kitchen table. "Get you a grape soda."

"He can't have that, either," Rachel said, following her husband back into the room.

"Why not?" Ness asked.

"Because he's in timeout for being rude. I found out it's the only thing I can use against him," Rachel explained. Jake and Embry both barked a laugh. Ness wondered how they never figured out they were brothers until the blood tests. They looked like brothers and they laughed like brothers. "Besides," Rachel continued, "it makes him all hyper with the sugar rush. That's fine on tour when he's expending a lot of energy on stage, but here at home it's annoying."

"We've been expending energy," Paul gloated and waggled his eyebrows.

"I know. And I'm sore. You can go two days without your precious Fanta."

Paul pouted and Ness chuckled.

"So?" Jake asked Embry.

"So what?" Embry was totally playing dumb.

"Are you fucking Bella?" Paul reminded everyone in the room the original question.

"And now you can add a day," Rachel said, stirring the onions in a pot.

"What the fuck for?" Paul shrieked. Embry took back his beer.

"Because A) you need to start watching your fucking language. B) I don't want you talking about who my brothers are fucking in front of me. C) I don't want to talk about Bella if I don't have to. And D) I really don't want to talk about my brothers fucking Bella. She's done enough damage to this family. Shall I go on?"

"Well, she and Charlie are coming to dinner, so you better _fucking_ get over it," Paul retorted.

"What? Embry?" she turned on him. "What the fuck?"

"Who needs to watch their language?" Jake asked. Then he ducked to miss the flying spatula that Rachel threw at him.

"Billy invited her, not me," Embry answered, shrugging his shoulders.

"God, Rachel!" Jake howled, picking onions off his shoulder.

"Not that Embry minds that she was invited," Paul added.

"Do you mind?" Ness asked Embry.

"Not at all," Embry smiled.

"So you _are_ tapping that?" Jake smirked.

"I have the stupidest fucking brothers on the planet. Ness, really? You're okay with this?" Ness hadn't had a chance to _really_ talk to Rachel since they'd been back. Holed up in a house, naked, for two weeks was much more important. "Give me my fucking Spatula!" Rachel demanded to Jake who just gawked at her.

"Yes, Rachel. You should get to know her again. She's been through a lot." Rachel looked at Ness while Jake nervously handed the cooking utensil back to her. Ness and Rach had a great relationship. Ness had been there when Jake'd hit bottom and Paul had OD'ed. Rachel credited Ness with saving them both, even if Ness didn't agree with her.

Ness knew that Rachel would follow her lead, though. And Bella needed allies to face all the demons being Edward's wife had conjured. "Her road hasn't been any easier than Jake's and she's realized what's important." Rachel thought about that, giving Ness a calculated look. Ness could tell when Rachel made her decision. She clapped her hands turning back to the stove.

"And Charlie's coming, too? No one fucking tells me anything and I'm the one who makes all the god damned food," she mumbled, taking her frustration out on the peppers she'd added to the onions. "Be nice if someone would fill me in once and a while."

"Said the woman who didn't tell her husband she was pregnant for three months," Paul scoffed, pulling a bottle of water out of the fridge and slamming the door shut.

"Don't start with me," Rachel warned, pointing the spatula at him. He was unfazed as he crept slowly towards her.

"Why not, baby? I'll finish you, too," Paul crooned wrapping his arms around his wife.

"Fuck, I'm out of here," Embry said. His chair scraped across the wooden floor and headed to the living room with his beer.

"I gotta go pick up dad from PT," Jake announced, looking at the old clock on the wall. It was one of the many things Rachel refused to change and Jake was glad. Ness looked at Jake still sitting on the table and nodded to the living room after Embry.

"I'm gonna go see if he's alright, kay?" Ness smiled. He pulled her in between his legs and wrapped his arm around her. They'd just spent two weeks in bed, but it didn't seem like enough. She missed him.

"Kay," he mimicked her. He leaned in and gave her a sweet kiss. "Love you," he whispered.

"Love you, too," she whispered, giving his lips one more swipe. She watched the muscles in his arms and abs bunch as he lifted himself off the table and walk down the hallway. Her eyes trailed him until he turned into the foyer and she heard the door close. When she landed her job with the band, she never thought she'd have this much peace _and_ have peace _with_ Jacob Black. Well, she'd promised herself she'd never get involved with one of the band members. Then she threw herself at Embry and eventually relented to Jake's advances. It'd been a rough ride, but so worth it. She hoped Embry felt the same way about his journey.

* * *

"Hey," she said as she flopped on the sofa next to him.

"Hey." Embry was flipping through the sports channels. He stopped on a summer highlights review.

"When did you pick up this thing for soccer?" She smiled over at him.

"Dunno. I think one of Jane's assistants was English and I started watching it with him." Ness did not like remembering their former road manager. Ness was hired as their PR director right out of college and Jane was crooked and simpering and attempted to embezzle tens of thousands of dollars from the guys while keeping them high, drunk, and sexed up. "It was something to do when I didn't have someone to do."

That could be taken a few ways. Was that why he was watching it now?

She turned on the couch and pulled her feet up in front of her so she could look at him directly. His faced was relaxed, and his knee wasn't bouncing. He looked so...content. Ness had never seen it on him. And it looked good.

"You done?" he smirked, still watching the television.

"Am I finished with what?" She went for innocent.

"Assessing whether or not I'm happy." He cocked his head to the side to look at her.

"Yes."

"And?"

"And, what?" Two could play at this game. He smiled at her, realizing what she was doing.

"What's your assessment?" She watched the program for a few beats, keeping him waiting for an answer. He didn't take the bait though, and turned back to the television with a smirk.

"Well, you're not being an asshole any more. That says something," Ness finally analyzed. "But…"

"But…I'm still a bastard," Embry winked. That was a good sign.

"But you're joking about things. You didn't punch Paul when he asked you if you were 'fucking' Bella, so I can tell you're not upset or brooding. You're happy, but I don't know if you're ecstatic. Are you ecstatic? I want you to be ecstatic." Embry just grinned at her. "And I don't really care if you and Bella are fucking. That's your business. I just want you happy. So yes. I'm satisfied."

"If you're not satisfied after the past two weeks, then I need to have a talk with Jake."

"There is _no_ need to have a talk with Jake." She really liked having _this_ Embry back. The first week Bella traveled with them Embry was almost unbearable. It seemed that everything came to a head at once and now the healing could _really_ begin. They watched the show in comfortable silence for about ten minutes, commenting on different players and the teams from different countries. Ness followed European football, too.

"She's nervous about coming today. Like," Ness looked over at Embry as he spoke, "really fucking nervous. Things with Charlie are really good, but Rachel scares the shit out of her."

"I got Bella's back," Ness said, turning back to the TV. He smiled at her and she swore she could see tears pooling in his ebony eyes.

"You're really great, Ness. You know that?" She didn't know how to respond to that.

"Well, you know..." It was always good to go with humor.

"No, really. I really lost my shit a few weeks ago and you helped bring me back. You and Seth. Seriously. And the way you are able to see Bella. I mean, _really_ see her, and accept her. That means a lot to both of us. You sit in a position where you could, understandably, do a lot of harm to her and how others see and feel about her. You could have worked with Jake to punish her for what she did to him all those years ago. And no one would blame you. But you both worked on forgiving her and helping her. I didn't see that at first. I thought Jake just wanted to fuck with her. But that's because I was dealing with my own shit. You're just really...great."

Ness's eyes filled with tears then. She climbed over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed. It was like the old days when Ness was the one hurting and he used to just hold her. His arms wrapped around her and returned the gesture. While it could have been construed as being more than it was, anyone who walked in on the scene would see it for exactly what it was, a friend thanking a friend.

"I've been in a position similar to Bella's. Not exactly, but where someone had the power to influence how others saw me. It didn't end well. You met me right after that. And I'll tell you, Embry, I learned how to forgive from you. You're the one who taught me that." He squeezed her a little tighter.

* * *

"Do I need to be worried?" Embry and Ness pulled apart to see Jake pushing Billy in the doorway.

"You scared I'm going to take another girl of yours?" Embry smiled as Ness pulled back.

"She did have a thing for you not so long ago?" Jake teased.

"What's this?" Billy asked.

"Nothing," Ness said.

"It just shows you have good taste in men," Embry grinned as Ness crawled off the couch and went to hug Jake. "We share genes, you know?"

"But we don't share women," Jake warned.

"Apparently you do," Bella said, entering behind Billy.

"Hey Chief," Billy smiled to Charlie.

"So you are!" Jake accused, pointing his finger at Embry. Everyone look confused at Jake's reference to the conversation they weren't present for.

"Screw you. I'm not saying a word," Embry laughed, standing to greet the new arrivals.

"Not saying a word about what?" Bella asked, walking into Embry's outstretched arms.

"Harsh language, Captain America," Ness called to Embry.

"Nothing," Jake answered Bella.

"Let's get a beer," Charlie suggested, as he pushed Billy's chair out of the room with a knowing smile.

Ness studied Embry and Bella who were having a silent conversation. His fingers were threaded through hers.

"Breathe," he whispered before he pulled her into a hug. And she did. She took in a deep breath as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

Ness pushed Jake towards the door to the kitchen. "Let's get you a beer," she suggested. "They need a minute to be alone," Ness prompted. "Do you want ginger or root?" Ness a laughed at Jake's surprised face at her offering of beer.

* * *

"I have to admit, Ness, I like Embry around her," Rachel said wiping the last dish dry and putting it in the cabinet. "He's so much more relaxed. But he's not fucking her. I can tell." That amused Ness.

"How?" Ness didn't think they were being intimate yet, either. Well, they were quite intimate, but it wasn't all lust-filled groping, like if they were just…well, _fucking._ The touching she'd witnessed between Embry and Bella was sweet and designed to reassure each other. Not to get the other off.

"He's not all possessive and assholey. He's sweet to her. God, you're right when you say she's a broken little thing. I can't help but be nice to her for fear that I might break her. And then Embry would be pissed at me. He's not being possessive, but he's being very protective." Ness thought Rachel had summed it up beautifully.

"I think you're right. And you did a beautiful job when Embry gave you that 'back off' look." Ness chuckled at the memory of the light-hearted banter during dinner. They were telling Ness about cliff diving and rebuilding motor cycles to get Bella's mind off being dumped (Edward's name was not mentioned). Rachel mentioned how Jake was always cleaning up her messes and Embry cleared his throat in warning. The light mood wasn't broken, and Rachel had taken the cue.

"Can I help?" Ness and Rachel's eyes turned to the doorway where Bella stood biting her lip.

"Well, we're all finished here," Ness started.

"But stay and have some coffee with us while the boys finish up whatever the hell they're doing in the basement," Rachel finished. Ness's eyes widened with her grin and she gave Bella an encouraging nod.

"Sure," Bella agreed, though a bit nervously.

"Make mine tea, though. I need to get some sleep tonight," Ness requested. After traveling together for so long, Ness also knew that Bella preferred tea, and this gave her an out.

"Me too, please," Bella added.

"Well fuck! I guess I should have tea, too. I want mint. What do you two pussies want? I have lavender, and chamomile." Rachel put the kettle on.

"Chamomile," Ness and Bella said together. "We'll both take honey if you have it," Bella finished.

"I do," Rachel said, eyeing Bella.

"Rachel," Bella cleared her throat in a very Charlie-esque manner, "I think I need to just point at the elephant in the room," Bella said. Rachel turned and looked expectantly at her. "I'm sorry for what I did to Jake. I could not be any sorrier. I appreciate that you're trying to be nice and civil to me. God knows I don't deserve it. But I hope someday," Ness watch Bella pull the bottom lip into her mouth and chew on it, "it won't be so difficult." Rachel studied her for a few beats while Ness held her breath.

"Well hell, Bella, you say shit like that and I can't help but like you." Ness exhaled. "I didn't like you because, as a teenager, you were a manipulative, selfish bitch who used my brother and threw him away. But I can see the woman in front of me is different. I don't like who you _were_. I've got no problem liking the woman standing in front of me now." Bella smiled at her curiously. Rachel had turned to get cups and turned around to see Bella grinning like a goon.

"What? What the fuck is that smile for?" Rachel scoffed.

"You and Paul were custom made for each other, weren't you?" Bella laughed. Ness laughed out loud. Rachel was setting out tea cups with their tea bags in them. Ness went to the pantry for the honey.

"He's the only one who can take my brand of bluntness. The death of my mother taught me that life is too short to beat around the bush. Say what you mean when you mean to say it. That got me into a lot of trouble with a lot of people. But Paul likes it." Rachel sighed, "And I love that fuckup so much it hurts." The kettle screamed its readiness and Rachel poured the water over the tea bags.

"Yeah, well I guess now I get it," Rachel sighed. Ness smirked because it was Bella's turn to be confused.

"You're gonna have to explain that statement. She doesn't speak Rachel yet," Ness prompted.

"If I can love Paul, the total sweet and retarded fuckup that he is, then I can see how my brothers can love you. And all I want is for them to be happy. And if I give you shit about the past, that they've obviously decided to forget, then I will make them _unhappy_ and defeat my own purpose. So I have to learn to like you. But I already like…this…this _new_ you so I can quit rambling like an idiot."

"You got all that from her sigh?" Bella smirked, talking about Rachel like she wasn't there.

"It's not as difficult as you think. Everyone's been through so much therapy we all pretty much think the same way. You'll catch on," Ness winked.

"I'm still fucking here, guys," Rachel mumbled into her cup as she took a sip. "Fuck! Shit's hot!"

"We know," Bella quipped. "I hope you don't get sick of me, then, Rachel. Paul's one of my favorite people and now that we're home, and with you actually liking me, I may spend a lot of time over here. I need that kind of raw honesty. I'm not used to it and I'm a little drawn to it right now. Jake feels badly for rejecting me, so he holds back now, and Embry's helping me work through other things. So I need someone to tell me when I'm fucking up."

"What's she babbling about?" Rachel asked Ness.

"By the end of tour she was driving Paul crazy because she tailed him everywhere." Ness smirked and Bella blushed. "She even bought him the entire box set of Downton Abby and insisted that he watch it with her."

"Oh shit! That's what he meant when he said he couldn't lose his shadow," Rachel grinned.

"She actually made my job a lot easier. With her tailing him all the time," Ness confessed, "I didn't have to."

"Good. You can keep him honest now. Downton Abby? Really? He didn't get lost in the accents?" Rachel asked.

"He was stuck on season one because he said that everyone dressed the same and he couldn't keep them straight. So he was re-watching it and actually taking notes," Bella dished.

"No shit?"

"Yeah," Bella giggled. "So when I started watching it with him, we made up nicknames for the characters and he finally caught on. He's pissed at one of the character deaths right now and he's refusing to watch anymore."

"What's going on in here?" Charlie asked eyeing the three giggling girls.

"Bella is filling me in on Paul's television habits while on tour," Rachel said, sipping her tea, a little more carefully this time. "She's gonna fit in just fine around here, Chief. Just fine." Ness swore that Charlie's eyes glassed over a bit. He cleared his throat and moved his adoring gaze from his daughter to Ness.

"How you been, Ness?" Charlie said, opening his arms. She went to him and gave him a big hug.

"I've been good. Once I put your daughter in her place and we dragged her home," Ness winked at Bella from over Charlie's shoulder.

"What is this?" Bella smiled. "When did you become a hugger? Not that I'm complaining."

"Since he started dating Sue," Rachel tattled with a smirk. "She's made him all soft and squishy." Rachel poked her finger into Charlie's side. He didn't seem too pleased with that.

"Okay, that's my cue to leave. I just wanted to make sure Bella was okay."

"And why wouldn't she be okay?" Rachel asked with mock offense.

"No reason at all," Charlie said sarcastically, giving a Rachel a challenging look. Ness smirked with Rachel finally looked away.

"Well, I'm fine, dad. We're just drinking our tea and getting to know each other again."

"Well okay, then. I'll go find the boys." The three of them watched him leave the room and heard him find the basement door.

"So," Rachel said, putting her tea cup down, "is Embry fucking you yet?"

* * *

 **A/N: So? Do you want/need a lemon? What do you think? I like Rachel and Paul together. They're both fun to write.**

 **Thanks to MarinaNamaste for all her betaing help and genius. She rounds out the stories and makes me put in the cool little details that help us feel like we're there. *psst* Go read her story _Runaway_ s.**


	20. Ch 20: Wait For Me

**A/N: Hello folks! Testing is over and my school year is winding down. I'm about to begin the busiest month of my life, though. I actually get to meet my far away beta in REAL LIFE! MarinaNamaste is awesome as she helps me round out my stories.**

 **Remember that all the chapter titles are Theory of a Deaman's songs. This is one of my favorites of their sweet genre. They are very satirical and the last album, _Drown_ , was very introspective. But _Wait For Me_ is a very sweet ballad that I think is fitting for our Embry and Bella.**

 **I have one more chapter left in me, though it isn't quite written yet. I don't think I'm leaving anyone hanging though. It'll be Ness's POV.**

 **But for now, enjoy an healthy and emotionally healing Bella. And a sated Embry. :)**

* * *

Bella had never been happier for anyone in all her life. Watching Jake marry Ness, and standing in as her _maid_ of honor, she grinned like a goon throughout the whole ceremony.

The light ocean breeze whipped the loose tendrils of Bella's hair across her face as she watched Ness walk towards Jake on the beach. Bella was impressed with the speed with which Ness did the things she committed to. It'd only been a month since they returned from tour and six weeks since had Ness finally agreed to marry Jake and here they stood, in the most beautifully prepared wedding Bella had ever attended.

Ness's smile was radiant as she slowly marched her way to where her eyes were fixed. On Jake. Her long, lithe, sun kissed frame beautifully offset the wisps of white chiffon that floated on the gentle, ocean breeze. The dress was wonderfully simple until you looked closely at it. The fitted bodice was decorated with hundreds of Swarovski crystals that tapered elegantly down the uneven strips of chiffon that blew across Ness's knees and shins. A jagged edge stretched up around her muscled left shoulder, but the sweetheart bodice left her other shoulder bare. The more Bella learned about Ness, the more perfect the dress suited her. Simply complicated and modestly alluring.

Bella looked over at her oldest friend. He was beaming. He wasn't the sunny Jake she'd known in high school, but she thought this version was better anyhow. Now he was optimistic, but realistic all at the same time. It'd taken her some time, but she finally figured out why she'd left him all those years ago.

Jake's unbridled sunny optimism scared her to death. She loved him. She knew it as well as she knew that he loved her. But his complete faith that everything would always work out no matter what made him unsafe in her mind and heart. He never planned for anything and took life as it came. It was too much like her mother who had decided that having Bella around was more of a drag for that kind of life. And life had dealt Jake some very harsh blows. At the time she was sure that one day he'd realize that he wanted something more and Bella couldn't wait around for him to figure out that she wasn't enough.

Bella _knew_ where Edward was going because he talked about it incessantly. And that meant that she knew where Edward would lead her. He had the plan and the means to make that plan happen. He'd chased her over and over again, so she figured that he would always want her. She actually thought that because Edward had everything and still wanted her.

That was her biggest misconception. And the source of all her pain.

Since joining up with the band though, Jake helped her realize, understand, and _finally_ accept that she wasn't the source of all his pain. She was merely the catalyst that set a very large ball in motion. And, in the end, it turned out well for more people than anyone in the band could even count. Looking across the beach at the sea of faces, that was supposed to be a small, intimate occasion, Bella could see the number of lives that these two had affected.

Seated were close friends and family. But standing behind the white-washed, wooden, folding chairs were scores of people who worked for the various companies and industries that Theory of a Wolfman supported. They weren't rabid fans or paparazzi, but the streams of sincere well-wishers flowed like little rivulets parallel to the sea. Jake and Ness may not know them all personally, but they all came, invitation or not, to watch such a widely anticipated occasion in La Push. It was beautiful and Bella felt very lucky that she was a part of it.

Ness finally reached her destination at Jacob's side, who was equally focused on her. Without taking her eyes away from her intended, Ness handed her bouquet to Bella. Billy officiated from a raised dais and there was only one squeal of feedback from the mic that was amplifying his voice. Bella bit her lip to suppress the smile as Paul cussed at the sound guys to get him to fix it. Bella was sure he'd have to give up grape soda for at least two days for that slip of tongue based on the look Rachel gave him.

Bella's eyes moved to Embry, standing next to Jake in matching dark, fitted slacks. Embry's dark blue shirt revealed his dark caramel skin through the three buttons left undone. Bella was sure he did that on purpose as he smirked back at her. Yep, there were the butterflies again. He still hadn't kissed her again. But she could tell he was fighting it. He'd lingered in front her face last night, almost panting from the closeness. It left her panting and giddy at the thought that a physical reunion was eminent. Soon.

"Fucking Paul," he mouthed, shaking his head.

Jake chuckled too, turning his eyes back to his bride. His topaz shirt was unbuttoned at the collar, and his intricately embroidered vest showed delicate and abstract patterns of wolves. It was beautifully done and Bella'd paid a pretty penny to get it made quickly. It was so worth it. She'd commissioned the vest as soon as Ness came to giggling about finally accepting Jake's persistent proposals. Bella'd wheedled all the pertinent information out of Ness early, colors, theme, flowers, etc. All girls dream about their weddings and getting the details from Ness had not been difficult. Bella knew Jake's obsession with wolves would translate beautifully onto a waistcoat and it gave her a chance to mend bridges with Alice who knew a seamstress who could do it.

The way Jake looked at Ness took Bella's breath away. She'd long since stopped wishing that was her. She was truly happy for her friends. And what really helped was catching Embry looking at her the same way about three weeks ago. He didn't even hide it when she caught him. He just smirked at her. Like he was doing right now. Jake was eyeing his bride and Embry was eyeing Bella over their heads. She felt a blush run up her neck as she wondered if and when Embry was ever going to do _those_ things to her again. She would have attacked him long ago, but she wanted him to make the move. She didn't want to repeat the mistakes of her past.

Bella listened to Jake and Ness's vows, feeling the power of the sweet words. When Billy asked if Jake would take Ness for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health until death do them part, Bella looked at Embry who mouthed, "I do," along with Jake's words. Tears welled in Bella's eyes as Billy asked Ness to respond to the same statement. Bella, overcome with Embry's gesture, mouthed the words with Ness's affirmation back to Embry. Embry's grin was her reward. She had his love and she finally knew how to return it.

And it was easy as breathing.

Bella found that Embry was realistically optimistic and even skeptical when it was most important. He was easy going and forgiving. Something Edward never had been. Ever. Embry encouraged her without manipulating her; he helped her make _her own_ decisions—good or bad. Embry knew her worst secrets, had been involved in or the victim of two of her most embarrassing mistakes and he loved her anyway.

And not just because he wanted to get into her pants. Bella was sure he did want that—sometime, hopefully soon, when she was emotionally stable— but his presence in her life was deeper than that. It was real. And Bella was sure they'd just made some deep and meaningful promises to each other at someone else's wedding.

Ness and Jake separated from their kiss and smiled at the applauding crowd, but Bella and Embry continued to gaze at each other. They were both unaware as Billy looked on with a very pleased smile at both his sons. Embry stepped forward, arm outstretched, and Bella placed her hand in his. They turned and followed Jake and Ness in the recessional, their backs to the sun sinking into the Pacific Ocean. Their retreat was set to an instrumental version of their song, _Easy to Love You_. Everyone already knew the words, so it was a nice little ditty to walk away to.

The reception at the Quileute cultural hall was a little more selective, but most people were respectful of the couple's privacy. Bella barely remembered what was said or what was eaten because she was totally captivated by Embry. He wouldn't leave her side and he never stopped touching her.

And she loved it.

It was small caresses and his thumb playing circles on the back of her hand. When some catty women, who lived on the rez, tried to make her feel badly for monopolizing Embry's time, he possessively pulled her to the dance floor.

"Who are they?" Bella asked as Embry pulled her in close.

"Some women I did some things with when I was being really stupid. Forget about them. They're just jealous." Bella examined the women and tried to decide how she felt about that. She couldn't be angry; he hadn't done it while they were together. Were they together? She wasn't quite sure what they were. But she knew that Embry wouldn't have been with them since they returned from tour. He spent all his time with her. There weren't enough hours in the day.

"I understand how they feel," Bella smirked up at them. "I'd be jealous, too, if I were in their shoes. Wait, I am in their shoes." They both chanced a glance to the gaggle of disgruntled women at the edge of the dance floor.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Embry's tone tinged with a little defensiveness. He dipped her back, holding her inches above the floor. She smiled up at him while she hung, suspended in his strong arms.

"It means, I know what you can do to a woman's body and I live in a constant state of hope that you'll do it again. To me, of course." Embry snorted and looked down into her eyes. He pulled her back to standing and his hand slid down her back and stopped just above her ass.

"Those are your hopes and dreams?" Embry asked, applying a little pressure on the top of her left cheek as they swayed to the slow, swanky number played by the swing band Jake had hired.

"My hopes make my dreams very vivid," Bella said pressing into him. Her own hand slid down but did not stop above his ass. She blatantly grabbed it and squeezed. She was totally marking her territory. "But they're nothing compared to the reality." Embry twirled Bella out the length of his outstretched arm and pulled her back in so that her back was pressed against his hard, muscled chest.

"Maybe we can work on that soon. I don't want to shatter your hopes and dreams," he rumbled in her ear. The butterflies exploded in her stomach as his lips dragged down the column of her neck and planted a wet kiss where it met her shoulder. He breathed across the wetness before pulling away, twirled her back around so she was facing him again.

"Don't you make a promise you can't keep," Bella warned with a coy smile.

"I never make promises I don't keep." This time both his hands dropped down her back and pulled her hips against his hardness. "And I'm tired of resisting. I love you, Bella Swan. I love you so fucking much and I want to show you."

"What's stopping you?" Bella breathed out. She was almost panting. She looked up into his eyes and their lips were only a few inches apart.

"Nothing, except I'm at my brother's wedding. As his best man." He tucked a stray hair behind her ear and his finger played with her earlobe. The butterflies had progressed down to make her doodah throb. "And there are all these people around, or I'd take you right here." His hips were still moving against hers, his hands holding her firmly in place. He raised an index finger under her chin to lift her face to his. "But I want to go slowly. Like the first time I had you." He placed his warm lips on hers. "And the second. Remember that?" He kissed her again as she nodded.

"Oh Embry is so getting laid tonight!" Paul called as he and Rachel danced by them on the floor. Cheers erupted from Rachel, Ness, Jake, and Quil who was nearby with Claire.

"Why are they so interested in our sex life?" Bella giggled, rolling her eyes.

"They think I shouldn't hide my talent away," Embry smiled at her.

"Ah, fuck! No one ever said that!" Paul said, swaying closer with his very pregnant wife.

"Gross!" squealed Rachel at the same time as her husband.

Bella turned her eyes back to Embry. "Well, dinner's eaten, toasts are done, pictures are taken, and cake is cut," she reported.

"Don't you want to catch the bouquet?" Embry said, continuing to ignore the cheers around them.

"I've already promised myself to you," Bella said seriously. "I don't need second hand flowers to dictate when to pledge my love to someone." Embry's eyes bounced between hers.

"I've got a room for us upstairs in the inn. I don't want to sound presumptuous, but I've been planning this for a while," Embry began. "Do you want to accompany me? Spend the night with me?" Bella reached up and answered with a kiss.

She pressed her lips against Embry's as he held her tight around the waist and lifted her off her feet. She swiped her tongue across his bottom lip which Embry took as a cue to raid her mouth. They kissed and swayed and for who knows how long, because Bella didn't keep track.

"Get out of here you two!" Ness's voice was over her shoulder. "You're stealing my show."

"You won't be mad if she misses the bouquet toss?" Embry asked. Bella could see the excitement in his eyes.

"Hell no! I'm throwing it right to Claire anyway." Ness winked at Bella. "Now get outta here!" Bella didn't have to be told twice and apparently, Embry didn't either. He grabbed Bella's hand, waving at only a few people and ignoring Paul's wolf whistle.

"What about Charlie? I drove him here," Bella asked as Embry kissed his way down her neck while simultaneously trying to unlock the door of the suite.

"Sue will take care of him. I've already worked that out." The door fell open and Bella was pushed inside by a very, very eager Embry. He closed the door and his hands were everywhere.

"Fuck going slow," Bella panted as she pulled at his shirt. Three buttons popped off and her fingers were already working the zipper of his slacks. "I want to feel you now!" Embry stopped, stooped over and panting as he backed up a few steps.

"What?" Bella gasped as he pulled away and broke contact. "Where are you going?" She felt the rejection before her mind was able to process it. Was this revenge? Had he spent all this time, all these weeks reeling her in so he could reject her for calling out Jake's name the last time they'd been this close? A tear slipped down her cheek before she knew it'd gathered behind her lids. He'd be completely justified if that's what he was doing. She'd totally deserve it. He'd turned to walk to the bed and didn't see her quickly brush the tear away. But he looked back over his shoulder and smirked at her.

Then her mind caught up with her runaway emotions. No. This was Embry. He was the man who helped her put herself back together. He loved her. He wouldn't make that up. There was only one person in her life that sadistic. And the powers that be wouldn't be mean enough to slap her twice with that.

No. Embry was being coy. His smirk said it all. Her face must have shown her pain.

"What's wrong? Shit! Bella!" Embry cried as he raced back to her. She realized that he was just trying to lure her to the bed and the alarm on his face actually eased her fears.

"Nothing," she whispered. "I'm okay. I just…" He wrapped her up, lifting her from the floor, and carried her to the bed. She melted into his chest and let out the breath she was unconsciously holding.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to trigger you." He sat on the bed with Bella in his lap, his palm cupping her cheek.

"Was that what that was? A trigger?" Bella asked. She'd been to therapy, marriage counseling mostly, but never thought that she could be triggered.

"Sure. You have severe abandonment issues, honey. I know. I've had to deal with a few." He was just as sunny as Jake, but his aura was just a little different. It was more suited to her.

"It made me think the worst of you. But you're not…" Bella swallowed and took a deep breath. "You're not him. You're not trying to hurt me." She said it out loud to make it true. She wasn't trying to convince herself. She already knew. She needed Embry to know that she knew.

"That's right. I don't ever want to hurt you," he whispered. He tucked that same rebellious piece of hair behind her ear. Many days she left it out on purpose hoping he'd touch her there.

"I know that, Embry. I do. It just overwhelms me sometimes."

"And that's a trigger." He kissed the tip of he nose. "And you handled it well."

"Isn't that just for people who were like, sexually assaulted or abused?" Bella asked. She didn't want to equate her problems with others who hadn't created their own issues.

"No, silly. What that idiot put you through was quite traumatic. And, from what you've told me about Renee, that was a precursor to many of your issues and behaviors."

"When did you get a degree in psychology?" Bella asked with a smirk.

"I finish it up in December. I have no idea when I'm going to do my practicums and field experience, but Ness said we could work something out with the tour schedule and recording and stuff." He wasn't kidding. He laughed at her stunned expression, which Bella was sure made her look like a fish.

"How come you never said anything? I've been pouring my heart out to you and you never even mentioned that you were working on your degree?" Bella shifted and straddled his lap. "I feel like I've been using you."

"Sitting like that, I'll let you use me any way you want," Embry grinned again.

"Are you changing the subject?" Bella gasped as his hands found the zipper of her dress and slid it down. His shirt, buttonless and hanging open, allowed for easy access to his smooth skin.

"Yes. Do you mind?" Embry's lips found her neck as his hands slid the one strap of Bella's dress down her arm.

"Not at all."

"Bella! You've been braless all night? Fuck!"

Before Bella knew what was happening, she was naked, except for her underwear, and on her back. Embry hovered over her, kissing down her neck while his hands and shoulders held him inches from her body. Bella wanted to feel his weight press her down and keep her grounded.

"Bella, did you mean it?" Embry asked between kisses.

"Mean what?" she moaned as he dipped and his hot, bare chest rubbed against her nipples.

"The 'I do' during the wedding. Did you mean that to me? Tell me you meant it." He sounded so vulnerable she had to make this clear so she pulled his face up level with hers so she could look him in the eye.

"I have never been so sure of my feelings in all my life, Embry Call. I love _you_. Sure, I loved Jake the way a needy teenaged girl loved being loved. And I thought I loved Edward, but everything he showed me was a lie. But not you. I love you for who you are and who you help me to be. I know who I am around you. I never have to apologize. And I don't have to do all the planning and worrying." She pushed on his shoulder and rolled him on his side, hitching her bare leg up on his hip. It caused his loosened belt buckle to clank.

"Embry, you are a culmination of what I was searching for in all my other relationships. And I haven't found your fault, yet. That's the only part that scares the shit out of me. So yes, Embry, I meant the 'I do' today. I'll mean it every day." His eyes panned hers considering everything she said. She could see that he believed her.

"I have a lot of faults, Bella." He looked at her, waiting to see if she wanted him to continue.

"Oh I know of one right now," Bella stated rather tersely, but with a grin. "You're beanblocking me! You keep getting me all hot and horny and then stopping. I'm almost fucking naked—literally—and you still are not fucking me _and_ you're still dressed!"

"Well, let's start working on that one first, shall we?" he asked, sitting up to finally take his shirt off.

"Pants, too!" Bella charged. He dropped them and she gasped.

"You mean you've been free-balling it all night? Fuck!" she mimicked him.

"Now you're more dressed than I am," he pointed out.

"We should fix that," Bella said, lying back down on the bed. Embry crawled up towards her, and this time he pressed his body into hers. Their hips aligned, Bella could feel his hard cock through the thin lace of her burgundy panties. They matched the dress.

"Did you mean it?" Embry asked, his eyes dancing. She knew what he meant this time.

"Yes. I love you. And for the first time, I really know what that means. I love you," she giggled at herself as she said it again.

"That's what I've been waiting for," he said and lowered his lips again to hers. Slowly and sensually he massaged her lips with his. His hands explored her stomach, her breasts, her hips, and her thighs. Bella did her own explorations, caressing his shoulders, back, and his tight, tight ass. She moaned as his kisses trailed down her neck, across her collarbones, and down to her nipples. His tongue circled her nipple, flicking it, and then closed around it so he could nibble. Bella's breath hitched and her hips bucked up into his.

"What do you want, Bella? Do you want me to eat you again?"

"Oh, God, yes! No one has ever done that to me before. Please!" She almost shrieked when he stopped. She looked down at him where he peered up at her from her belly button.

"Are you serious? I'm the only one who has ever had the pleasure of tasting you? Fuck, Bella. You have no idea how happy that makes me on one hand and how sad and sorry I am for everyone else."

"Fucking do it! Remember? Working on those faults?" Her hands were fisted in his hair as she tried to force his head lower.

"Eager Beaver, aren't we?" he chuckled as he inserted two fingers into her wet and ready pussy.

"Oh, Embry!" she moaned.

"That's the name I want to hear," he chuckled again and went right to work on her clit before she could feel bad about his little joke.

Bella panted and moaned as Embry wound her up tighter and tighter. Right as she was about to reach the summit, he'd slow down and change his pattern. His fingers worked inside her, twirling and pumping and crooking. At one point he hit a spot that made her shudder but he immediately pulled away again. He was teasing her and ramping her up all at the same time.

His tongue was magic. He circled and flicked and kissed and sucked. The noises were erotic and she found her hips bucking with his rhythm.

"Embry, I'm almost there! Please don't stop. Please. Please. Please. Just like that. Like that. Uh. Uh." And he finally let her go. Her gut tightened right before it exploded with unspeakavle sensation. In the back of her mind she knew he was just winding her up to help create a better sexual high, but she'd never imagined it would be this good.

"Oh, EMBRY!" she screamed as he latched on to her clit when she thought her orgasm had subsided. She didn't think she could handle another orgasm so soon. He pressed on her belly, holding her to the bed, and applied firm pressure while he shook his head back and forth, sliding his firm tongue across her clit at a very fast pace. His eyes were intense as they bored into hers telling her what his mouth was too busy to say: _Come for me Bella. Come for me again._ And she did.

This time she shattered. It was harder and more intense than any sexual experience she had _ever_ had. And Bella believed that a major reason for that was that Embry put his all into making her feel good.

Everything.

She wanted to give that back to him. But she couldn't move. She was spent. Still quivering and shuddering, she felt Embry crawl up her body, kissing his favorite bits along the way.

"Do you know how beautiful that was?" He kissed her gently and languidly. "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, Bella Swan." She could hardly believe that. He was a rock star and had slept with scores of women. She hardly believed that she was the most beautiful. But in that moment, he made her feel that way. Bella knew that _he_ believed it. And that was such a turn on.

"Embry, I want to feel you inside me." She'd already wrapped her tiny hands around his dick and started pumping. "I want to feel you on top of me."

"As you wish," he smirked, quoting the movie she'd made him watch four times since they'd been home from tour. She lined him up and he slid easily into her.

"Oh, yes! Embry!" Bella cried out. She found her second wind and did everything she could to increase the friction, but Embry was determined to go slowly.

"Bella," he crooned, moving in and out of her at an agonizingly slow pace. He pinned her arms above her head while his lips sucked and nipped at her throat. He twisted and thrusted in and out of her, driving her mad with his slow pace. "You feel so good."

"Embry, please," she groaned. He was ramping her up again.

"Please what, Bella? You've already cum twice," he chuckled before he kissed her neck. "Tell me what you want." He rocked back and forth into her, releasing her hands.

"I want to watch you cum!" Bella bit out as Embry hit that spot inside her that almost set her off again.

"So soon?" Embry smiled. "You getting tired?" Bella ran her hands up his lats and tickled him. She'd discovered one night while cuddling his very dark, ticklish secret. His rhythm stuttered and his muscles bunched as he shied away from Bella's evil fingers. She pushed on him and rolled him over taking control.

Bella straddled him, not wasting any time before sinking down on him again. They both groaned as Bella set a fast and furious pace. She reveled in the hungry look Embry had as he watched her move up and down. It empowered her; it made her feel beautiful. She felt his huge hands run up her back and pull her down for a kiss. While Embry plundered her mouth his hands moved back down, taking the path over her breasts, around her sides and down to her ass.

Embry grabbed a hold her Bella's firm, round ass, lifting her up and dropped her back down on him. "Gah!" Bella shrieked in complete and utter pleasure. She braced herself against his shoulders for leverage, again encouraged by the unadulterated lust shining in Embry's eyes. "Come on, Embry," she panted. "Cum for me. I wanna feel your heat in me!"

"Bella!" he grunted, "I need to—" and Bella yelped as she found herself flipped on her back again and Embry pounding into her. "I need to see you." He continued to pound into her as he bent over and kissed her hard. He pulled back a little too look into her eyes. "God, I love you so much!" And then he came. Hard. He jerked and spasmed while he gazed heatedly at her. He grunted out the rest of his orgasm and then kissed her sweetly. "I love you," he whispered again.

He didn't see the tears in her eyes as he lay his head on her soft breasts. She stroked his hair as she came down from her own high. She'd come _again_. She'd never felt so loved and so cherished. She knew— she knew without a doubt— that there would no one other than Embry Call-Black would love her better or more for the rest of her life. And she knew that she loved him more than she'd the ever felt possible after her life of disappointing relationships. And for the first time in her life she wasn't scared of the depth of love she felt for Embry. It was comforting like warm socks and a thick blanket on a cold winter's night. He soothed her and calmed her and helped her to be a better Bella than she'd ever dreamed of being.

"I love you, too. So much." She continued to comb her fingers through his thick mass of hair. "And I meant it everything I promised."

* * *

 **Thoughts? I'd love to hear your thoughts of the whole story now. In all honesty, I never intended Embry and Bella to end up together. My original intention was always a Jake/Ness pairing, but I couldn't let my Bella be a stock character. I developed her and let Embry have what he'd waiting so long for.**

 **I don't know when I'll get started on the prequel which will be how Jake and Ness finally get together. But I'm hoping to do some writing this summer in between all my trips.**

 **Let me hear from you, please.**


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